From: kibo@world.std.com (James 'Kibo' Parry)
Subject: FAQ list (preliminary)
Date: Mon, 25 Nov 1991 00:40:17 GMT
[]
ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS.
"WHAT TIME IS IT?"
7:04pm, Sunday, November 24, 1991. (Eastern US time.)
"WHAT'S ON TV?"
"60 Minutes" is starting. Andy Rooney is going to kill Charles
Osgood with a pool cue and paper clips.
"WHERE CAN I FIND THE FAQ LIST?"
Depends on what FAQ list you're looking for. The alt.religion.kibology
FAQ can be found in alt.postmodern. The alt.postmodern FAQ is in
alt.sex. The alt.sex FAQ is in alt.exploding.kibo. The alt.exploding.kibo
FAQ is in rec.arts.tv.soaps. The rec.arts.tv.soaps FAQ is in the bathtub.
"SPEAKING OF BATHTUBS, KIBO, WHAT'S THAT BLUE STUFF IN YOUR SOAP DISH?"
It's a special liquid soap I found that smells just like Blue Kool-Aid
tastes. No, it won't dye your skin.
"WHAT'S THE RIGHT WAY TO PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME?"
Loudly, very loudly. But seriously, folks... I say the 'i' in "Kibo" as
'eye'. Most people say 'ee' as in 'see', some say the short 'i' as in 'bit'.
I don't care what you say. Just _spell_ it right.
"HOW DID YOU GET THAT NAME?"
Somewhat accidentally. Don't ask.
"HOW DID YOU GET THAT NAME?"
I said...
"WHAT'S KIBOLOGY?"
That's a long story, and I won't burden you with the explanation right
now.
"WHAT'S ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY FOR?"
Kibology. And almost anything. EXCEPT POSTMODERNISM AND XIBO'S
CAFFEINE-INDUCED WHINING ABOUT HIS LACK OF A SEX LIFE.
"WHAT'S ALT.EXPLODING.KIBO FOR?"
For discussion of the act of blowing Kibo up, watching Kibo
spontaneously explode, drawing ASCII pictures of Kibo's head exploding,
sound files that go *BOOM*, etc. And almost anything else, except
postmodernism and Xibo's stuff.
"WHAT'S THE QOTD?"
"That's disgusting." -- Connie Chung
"WHAT'S A QOTD?"
Quote Of The Day. You'll also see Kibo occasionally posting ROTDs,
SOTDs, OOTDs, WOTDs, etc. here. They'll be explained later. Don't panic.
"DOES KIBO REALLY HAVE A BIG EGO?"
Kibo says, "Heck, I have THE SMALLEST EGO IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I'm MORE
HUMBLE than YOU."
"WHAT OTHER NEWSGROUPS DOES KIBO ANNOY?"
I'm running a complete search right now of three weeks' worth of Usenet.
You'll see a long list posted here soon.
"WHAT'S KIBO'S JOB?"
He's self-employed. He designs typefaces (he worked on an "A", an "s",
and a "W" today between appointments) and does things like letterheads,
logos, and business cards for clients. It's also rumored that he is
also an unlicensed psychotherapist (under an assumed name), but that's
untrue.
"WHAT DID KIBO STUDY IN COLLEGE?"
Sitcom writing. Really. Other kinds of writing, too (the degree says
"Writing, Literature, and Publishing: Professional Writing Division")
but the specialty was really in comedy and scriptwriting. (Emerson
College, Boston.)
"DOES KIBO HAVE ANY ILLUMINATIVE APHORISMS TO LIVE BY?"
Yes.
"You're allowed!"
"Everything is unique in exactly the same way!"
"Kibo is no ORDINARY bozo."
...and about six hundred more where those came from, if you're a
glutton for punishment.
"IS KIBO REALLY A COMPUTER PROGRAM?"
The rumors that I am an AI program are completely unfounded. Sixty
lines of LISP can hardly be called AI. (There's also a C version, which
is not currently endorsed, because some weenie changed my vocabulary
slightly.) The automatic Kibo-aphorism-generators should be posted here
eventually. Then you'll be able to experience the joy of having Kibo
babble at you ANY TIME!
"WHAT SHOULD I HAVE FOR DINNER?"
Eat lots of spicy Chinese food. Don't eat anywhere that has 'chow mein'
or 'chop suey' on the menu. Drink too much Dr. Pepper afterwards. Eat
leftover Chinese food on the subway illegally.
"CAN I GIVE KIBO ALL MY MONEY?"
Sure.
"DOES KIBO BELONG TO ANY PROMINENT ORGANIZATIONS?"
Yes, but most of them are secret, such as Aramchek and the Bavarian
Illuminati. A few aren't, such as the Society for Eradication of
Television and the Graphic Artists Guild. When Kibo was younger, he
belonged to the Dr. Seuss book club.
"WHERE DID KIBO GROW UP?"
Schenectady. Well, Scotia (a suburb of that enormous city.)
"IS KIBO EVER SARCASTIC?"
No, never. He also never lies.
"WHAT'S THE MAXMUM SIZE KIBO'S .SIGNATURE HAS EVER REACHED?"
Something like 1450 lines. Of course, that's too long to be posted,
since 1000 lines is often the limit. Also, the Postscript .signature is
around 300K, and the .RIB one is around twelve megabytes.
"IF ALL MY DINNER GUESTS ARE LEFT-HANDED, CAN I PUT THE FORKS ON THE
LEFT OF THE PLATE AND THE KNIVES ON THE RIGHT?"
Avoid the whole issue by using chopsticks, or better yet, mandels, the
miracle new food utensil from KiboCorp. (Mandels resemble small
catapults on sticks. You slide one under a piece of food, whack the
lever, and the food flies into your mouth. Not for use with soup.)
"DOES KIBO HAVE HIS OWN TV SHOW?"
Not yet. That's part of the reason he plans to buy a network first.
"HOW MUCH TV DOES KIBO WATCH?"
All thirteen inches--I've never heard of anyone watching only part of
the screen.
"WHAT'S KIBO'S FAVORITE TV SHOW?"
Nothing will ever top Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault!
"NO, REALLY."
Well, currently, Kibo likes Murphy Brown, The Prisoner, Pee-wee's
Playhouse, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Seinfeld, etc. Kibo also likes
Really Bad TV Shows, for the humor value: Small Wonder, The Grudge
Match, What A Dummy, Space:1999, etc.
"WHAT'S KIBO'S EMAIL ADDRESS?"
kibo@world.std.com. Before you ask, STD.COM is the Center For _S_exually
_T_ransmitted _D_iseases.
"WHAT NICKNAME DOES KIBO USE ON IRC?"
"Kibo". Better write that down.
"WHERE DOES KIBO LIVE?"
Boston's Back Bay. Don't bother trying to visit. The intercom in the
lobby's broken, which is a good way to keep the hordes of riffraff away.
"WHAT DOES KIBO THINK ABOUT TOFU?"
It's vegetarian Spam. It is evil... and must be destroyed.
"WHY DID KIBO WASTE SO MUCH TIME TYPING UP THIS FAQ LIST ABOUT HIMSELF?"
Oh, it only took thirty minutes. And besides, this is just the early
version. The next one will probably be a few hundred lines longer. Got
any questions?
-- Kibo 11/24/91
Kibology page
