It Happened To Me
His drinking escalated and the gulf became wider.
The despair was becoming intolerable
and it was no longer beneficial to his children
for us to stay together.
It had already been two years of misery,
feeling doomed to a life of unhappiness.
Trapped. I got myself into it.
Now I had to pay the price.
Can't be a quitter.
It was too much, though.
It was no longer possible to be patient with the children.
My stress levels were too high when he was home.
There was no longer any good in it.
No more excuses to stay together.
Something had to change.
Life must be more than mere survival.
The day I decided to end the marriage
I felt a two ton weight lift from my chest.
I felt light and happy. It felt so right.
It was the only thing to do, for all of us.
I found myself laughing again,
and was surprised to be using the word "again".
I heard myself laugh and discovered
that I have a good laugh. I was happy.
He took the kids and left.
But, he came back.
He found me alone in the house.
He repeated phrases like, "till death do us part".
Between the strangling, the handcuffs and
the threats I lost all hope of survival.
I knew I was going to die any minute.
I tried to grab the phone to call 911,
knowing all the while it would be useless,
that he would only kill me sooner.
But, I had to die knowing I had at least tried.
I begged him, "Please don't kill me."
He said, "Why?"
"WHY?"
"What is the magic answer? Think quick.
Please say the magic words. I want to live."
The words were screaming in my head.
There was no magic answer.
He wanted a drink. He tied my ankle to a doorknob
so I wouldn't try to escape.
He brought a glass and very courteously
asked, "Would you like ice in yours?"
So now he's the damn hostess???
I was incredulous. Of course I want ice!
I was crying when he got back. I had to release it
while he was gone. I had to keep a steady head
around him if I was going to survive.
He asked, "What's wrong?"
I thought, "He's so damn stupid."
I was so angry.
I answered, "You have me handcuffed,
with my ankle tied to a doorknob
like a dog, and you want to know, 'What's wrong'???"
He said, "Oh."
He wanted to talk.
Why am I doing this to him?
WHAT???
How did I marry this stupid idiot?
We talked and he finally wound down.
He was going to leave.
He was going to go back to Tennessee to kill himself.
I thought it was a good idea.
After he left I fled to a friend's house and spent the night.
I didn't sleep much. I jumped up to look out the window
about a hundred times. With every noise.
It was a long night.
Finally, it was morning. I didn't know what to do.
I was getting ready to leave, to sort things out at work,
when he knocked on the door.
He wanted to talk with
me.
I said yes, but only on the porch.
He wasn't there to apologize.
We were going to go for a ride.
He dragged me down to his truck by the wrists.
He tried to handcuff me after forcing me into the back seat.
He pulled his rifle out from under his coat,
took off the safety, put his finger on the trigger,
and aimed at my chest, saying,
"This is it, say your prayers."
I kicked at the end of the barrell and prayed like hell.
God answered.
He put the gun down and said he wasn't going to do it.
He let me out and followed me to the door
to retrieve the handcuffs dangling from my wrist.
He left saying,"You'll never see me again."
I wish.
He was out on bail for a year before finally being
sentenced to two years in prison.
It was a very long year.
I lived every day as though he was preparing to attack again.
Just in case.
He was not going to catch me off-guard.
He was never going to touch me again.
Nobody was.
Never.
Not like that.
There are happy endings.
I moved far away and started again.
I have a beautiful little son.
I met the most wonderful man in the world.
I still laugh.
Last Updated 8 April 1998