How I Dealt With It

There I was, terrified and in shock with an aching neck and lacerated wrists and ankles. After an ambulance ride to the emergency room, x-rays of my neck and right ankle, and a rather dubious exam, I was given the number of the local Abuse Center to call for help.

That was the beginning of my 'recovery'.

Prior to this I would've described myself as confidant, in charge and emotionally strong. Afterwards I was afraid of everything, unable to make decisions and totally lacking in self confidence.

Initial Steps ~ Self-Confidence Building ~ Some Safety Measures

Homepage

Initial steps I took:

Crisis Center/Hotline - They hooked me up with Support group and therapy.

Support Group - I met weekly with the battered women's support group. It helped to be with other people who were dealing with similar issues - I felt less alone. It was very easy to feel like a freak - like everyone else had normal lives and I was a pathetic little thing.

One on One Therapy - 1 hour a week at the Abuse Center learning how to identify and manage my feelings.

Things to look for in a therapist:

Someone familiar with domestic violence issues.
Someone you feel comfortable with and can relate to - that you can trust.
Someone who encourages you to talk so you can hear what's in your head...NOT someone who wants to advise you on how to run your life. A good therapist gives you feedback, asks you questions that make you think about things in ways you may have not thought of before, and encourages YOU to come up with the answers!

Personal Log or Journal:

Write it like you are explaining it to someone else. Computers are great for this, plus you can keep a disc more private than a book!
It really helps when you need to talk to someone and can't.
(I made most of my entries late at night when I couldn't sleep.)
It was encouraging to review older entries to see how far I'd progressed.
Good prep for therapy to get your thoughts in order, too!

Book: GETTING FREE - You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life by Ginny NiCarthy - Covers the whole range of issues from Identification thru Starting Over.
(Ginny has a number of excellent books - see descriptions at Amazon.com.)

Top ~ Homepage

Other tools I used to rebuild my self-confidence:

Audio cassettes: Build Self-Confidence by Dr. David Illig.
1. Subliminal - Good background music for reading and relaxing.
2. Self-Hypnosis - Played at bedtime helps to relax. Besides, it's nice to drift off to sleep while someone's telling you how wonderful you are!
Video: PROTECT YOURSELF - A Woman's Guide to Self Defense with Robin Cooper. Based on Aikido and doesn't require great strength or size. There are two parts to the video. The first part teaches you how to land without getting hurt. The second part is done with a partner and teaches you how to get away from an agressor. The techniques are simple and help increase self confidence in your ability to DO SOMETHING! Even if you got away. It helps to get rid of that helpless, weak feeling.
(I found the video at Amazon.com! It's really excellent!)
I often found myself playing back what happened in my head. It always seemed so real. I would play it back over and over. Except each time I would consciously change something. Eventually I would have the scene recreated. In the original (real) version HE was always in control. In the last version * I * was in control. It really did increase my self confidence. It also enabled me to feel anger and triumph where there was only fear and defeat before.

Top ~ Homepage

Measures I took to increase my safety:

I had the Division of Motor Vehicles take my apartment number off my registration and drivers license records.
My local and long distance telephone companies put passwords on my accounts so nobody else could access them. I also had my phone number AND ADDRESS unlisted. I was told sometimes addresses are given out by operators who don't know better on unlisted numbers.
Had credit card numbers and bank account numbers changed. Some will also put passwords on your accounts.
Had a password put on my car and rental insurance accounts - with a brief explanation in case my ex-husband contacted them for info.
When I moved I had my mail forwarded to my brother's house till I changed addresses with everyone I needed to.
I didn't need to use this, but, you can have your mail addressed in your name and GENERAL DELIVERY, using your local post office address. They will hold mail for two weeks (I think - call and make sure of the time). Go to the window to ask for it. No rental fees, no traceable address, and it works right away.

Top ~ Homepage

Last Updated 19 Sept 1999

Reference Material:

Book: GETTING FREE - You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life
Author: Ginny NiCarthy - Seal Press - New Life Series ISBN 0-931188-37-7

Audio cassettes: Build Self-Confidence
Author/Narrator: Dr. David Illig - Metacom, Inc. - ISBN 0-88676-704-0

Video: PROTECT YOURSELF - A Woman's Guide to Self Defense
Author/Narrator: Robin Cooper.
1986 Centre Productions Inc. - A Rustad/Wickhem Video from the
Congress Video Group, 4520 Beech Street, Cincinnati, OH 45212