CARDBOARD BOX CALCULATOR(tm)
Version 3.01
May 23, 1981
Copyright 1982, Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software Company
Enterprises of America, Incorporated. All rights reserved.
No part of this manual may be transcribed, transmitted,
transformed, transfused, or transistorized in any way. It may
not be translated into any language (natural or computer). It
shall also be illegal to eat meat while reading this work, unless
it is located on a sesame-seed bun, and is covered with a sauce
which contains equal proportions of horseradish, ketchup,
mustard, and mayonnaise.
This work remains the property of Jeremy Hubble Business Computer
Software Company Enterprises of America, Incorporated. You are
granted a limited license to use it for a forty-five second trial
period. Any use beyond that forty-five second period, without
prior written consent from Jeremy Hubble Business Computer
Software Company Enterprises of America, Incorporated shall be
considered a capitol offense, and may be punishable by up to 267
years and prison, or the death penalty. You have shown your
acceptance to the above-written conditions by reading this
sentence, but, if you have not read this sentence, then you do
not realize what it is saying, and you are not liable for
anything whatsoever, except the welfare of your dependents, but
since you obviously have read this, since you know what is
written here, you have agreed to all the terms and conditions
outlined in this work, so you better read carefully, for your
life may depend on a sub-subordinate clause etched in the middle
of a 200 word long run-on sentenced, such as this one which you
are reading at the present moment, which authorizes you to comply
to all the above written information for the sake of your
livelihood.
The product outlined in this manual is subject to change, without
notice, and does not represent a commitment on the part of Jeremy
Hubble Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of America,
Incorporated.
Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of
America, Incorporated may make any changes, upgrading, or
downgrading, in this product at any time.
LICENSE:
This is a half-copy licence. It is valid for a time period not
to exceed forty-five seconds, or the reading of the second
sentence in the third paragraph, whichever occurs first in the
sequential order of happenings of natural occurrences. If the
two events should occur at the same instantaneous moment in time,
the person causing this such occurrence shall be found guilty of
violating FBI statute 431-B.342.678-234A, page forty-five,
section four, paragraph thirty-four, sentence three, clause four
(commonly referred to as the "Law of Probability"), and shall be
subject to a maximum punishment of eternity in the improbable
universe where dice are not six-sided, cards do not remain in
decks of fifty-two, and coins do not have heads or tails. This
licence shall only remain in effect for half of the above-
mentioned product. Use of the entire product, or any other
fraction of the product other than one-half (such as one-third,
three-fourths, or two billion eight hundred forty-three five
billionths) shall be considered a breach of contract, and shall
be punishable by a maximum sentence of three days in a room full
of television evangelists.
CARDBOARD BOX CALCULATOR is copyrighted material by Jeremy Hubble
Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of America,
Incorporated, of South Hampton, North Carolina, Northern America,
Moon. You are granted a limited licence to use half of it (as
described above) for the aforementioned trial period, provided
you do not break any of these simple rules:
You do not make any changes, alterations, transfigurations,
or mutations of the aforementioned product.
You do not lease, rent, or sell the aforementioned product
to others.
You do not expose the media which the aforementioned product
is stored on, to extreme sun-light, extreme moonlight,
extreme flash-light, rain, wind, snow, dust, hydrogen,
nitrogen, or oxygen.
This Software is Commercial Computer Software under Federal
Government Acquisition Regulations and agency supplements
to them. The Software is provided to the Federal
Government and its agencies only under the Restricted
Rights Provisions of the Federal Acquisition Regulations
applicable to commercial computer software developed at
private expense and NOT in the public domain. The use,
duplication, or disclosure by the Government is subject to
restrictions as set forth in subdivision (c)(1)(ii) of the
Rights in Technical Data and Computer Software clause at
252.227-7013.
LIMITED WARRANTY.
Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of
America, Incorporated makes no warranty of any kind, either
expressed or implied. This includes, but is not limited to,
implied warranties of merchantiblity, and fitness for any
particular purpose with respect to both the software and the
documentation included in this package. In addition, this
product includes a five year/fifty thousand mile warranty on the
engine, radiator, and radio, which are only included in the
enhanced version, which is only available to registered users.
(See below for more information on registering)
IN NO EVENT SHALL JEREMY HUBBLE BUSINESS COMPUTER SOFTWARE
COMPANY ENTERPRISES OF AMERICA, INCORPORATED OR ANY OF ITS
PRINCIPLES BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL,
INCIDENTAL, LARGE, SMALL, HUMOROUS, OR SERIOUS DAMAGES ARISING
OUT OF THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THIS PRODUCT EVEN IF JEREMY
HUBBLE BUSINESS COMPUTER SOFTWARE COMPANY ENTERPRISES OF AMERICA,
INCORPORATED HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES
OR CLAIM.
Some states do not allow the exclusion or limitation of
liability for consequential or incidental damages, but since
all those states are located on the planet known as earth, and
Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of
America, Incorporated ia located on the satellite, known to
earthlings as the moon, the limitations are not applicable to
this product.
The warranties set forth above are in lieu of all other express
and implied warranties, whether oral, written, or implied,
and the remedies set forth above are your sole and exclusive
remedies.
LIMITATION OF LIABILITY.
In no case shall Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software
Company Enterprises of America, Incorporated's liability exceed
the license fees paid for the right to use Cardboard Box
Calculator(tm) or the value of five Mexican pesos, whichever is
of the lesser value.
INTEGRATION.
This License constitutes the entire agreement and
understanding between the parties and supersedes any
prior agreement or understanding whether oral or written,
relating to the subject of this License. This Agreement may only
be modified by a written agreement signed by Fred Flintstone,
Barney Rubble, and Daffy Duck.
REGISTRATION.
We at Jeremy Hubble Business Computer Software Company
Enterprises of America, Incorporated hope you will enjoy and
continue to use our product after the initial forty-five second
trial period. In order to continue using this product, you must
register it. Registration is the simple process in you give us
lots of money, and we give you diddly-squat. By registering
this product, you are showing your support for creative software
artists, who lack any smidgen of talent whatsoever in the field
of software design, but have a great skill in manipulating people
with subliminal messages, such as the ones contained within this
product.
REGISTRATION BENEFITS.
Not only does registration support the author of this software
package it also allows you, the user, to obtain additional
benefits, which may include some of the following: a car-stereo,
newly stolen from a new 1990 model Ford, a radiator and engine
from a 1990 model Chevrolet Suburban, and/or two pairs of hubcaps
from a 1959 model Volkswagen Beetle. All these items must be
obtained at the registered user's expense, and Jeremy Hubble
Business Computer Software Company Enterprises of America,
Incorporated shall not be liable for any complications, which may
arise in the process of obtaining these items. In addition, the
full source code, and a printed manual can also be obtained for a
nominal fee. (For your convenience in registering this product,
a registration form has been provided at the end of this
documentation file. If you do not have a printer available,
please send twenty-five dollars (to cover shipping handling, and
Tuesday night's dinner) to the address below, and we will provide
you with a free copy of the registration form.
=================================================================
PRODUCT DOCUMENTATION
=================================================================
CARDBOARD BOX CALCULATOR(tm) will calculate the number of
cardboard boxes that the average three day old infant can be
expected to lift in a 4 second period. Userfriendlyness has been
a key concept which we have been taking into account while
creating this program. This program contains an amazingly
sophisticated mind-reading algorithm, and is able to take all
variables that the user may be thinking of into account, and thus
rendering the desired output without any keyboard input on the
part of the end-user. This product can also be merged with a
thesaurus, dictionary, spelling-checker, and grammatical
structure checker. For more information, please send an
additional sixty-three dollars to the address below.
REGISTRATION FORM
Name of Product you wish to register: _________________________
Your name: ______________________________
Address: ______________________________
City/State: ______________________________
Planet, Zip ______________________________
Phone ______________________________
Basic Registration: $200 _______
(required to use the program for
a period of time beyond the initial
forty-five second trial period)
Additional Printed Manual: $50 _______
Hubcaps: $2 _______
(information only)
Other Car Equipment: $7.99 _______
Registration Form: free _______
Source Code $74.23 _______
Additional Information: $63 _______
(about thesaurus, dictionary,
and other add-ons)
Shipping and Handling $25 _______
Total _______
Send all payment in earth cash (no checks or money orders
accepted) to the Earth representive of Jeremy Hubble Business
Computer Software Company Enterprises of America, Incorporated
at:
Jeremy Hubble
3610 Iroquois
Temple, TX, USA, EARTH 76504
