yes it goes on and on, my friend...

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last seen: whimpering at the tv

1 december 1996 10:49 p.m.

If there is anything more frustrating, more aggravating, more inspiring of self loathing and hair pulling than missing an episode of "X Files," it is missing the second half of a two part episode of "X Files." After managing to ignore a pack of motorcycles that seemed to have rumbled past my building sixteen times, I finally got out of bed at four. There was nothing on my itinerary besides finding out what happens to Mulder. I lounged around, threw an unsorted load of laundry into the last remaining operational washing machine, and figured I'd pass the time wandering the net (believe it or not, I normally don't have much time to web browse). I think when 8 p.m. rolled around, I was randomly hitting "Internet Link Exchange" buttons. At about the same moment millions of Hawai`i TV junkies gasped at the Pivotal Plot Point, I got the bright idea to redo my main diary page. I typed and tinkered, listening to Daou's "Slow to Burn" for the hundredth time, blissfully unaware that I'd missed my rendezvous with my weekend's -- and week's -- closure. I finished the page, found I didn't like it after all, but then realized I couldn't do anything about it 'cause I'd forgotten to save a copy of the old one (a classic!) and uploaded it anyway. That was about when the CD ran out, and I turned on the tube to see the majestic intro to the Channel 2 News at Ten. "At ten." It almost echoed in my head. Forget what happened in Hawai`i on this Sunday, the first of December... what the hell happened to the last four hours? I think my neighbors heard me shriek. And I can see it now. I walk into the report room tomorrow, seething, and greet my coworkers with a sniff. Hapless Victim: "Hey, guys, did you catch that last episode of X Files?" Me: "No. Don't talk about it." Hapless Victim: "You missed it? It was so-o-o cool!" Me: "Yes, I missed it. Can we not talk about it, please?" Hapless Victim: "Like, remember how last week, when Mulder had those things crawling in his face? Well, it turns out the CIA had these lab rats, and..." Me: "Aaaaaaaaaugh!" [Decapitates Hapless Victim with Clipboard] "I said don't talk about it!" Severed Head of Hapless Victim: "You can't silence us all... The truth is out there! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah!" I swear. I'm going on a rampage tomorrow until I can find someone who got it on tape. (She pauses, trying to squeeze something meaningful out of this ridiculous, gripping frustration.) Okay, I'm pathetic. I know most reasonable beings wouldn't pull their hair out over missing a TV show. And yet, being a fan is only part of it. Simply put, nothing drives me more insane than loose ends. Missing part two of two is like hearing a joke without the punchline. Or finding the last page of a mystery novel missing. Or watching a friend move away without telling him how you really felt... Badly done movies always leave me restless, because there is always some part of me that knows something wasn't finished. While I cringe at contrived "happy endings" like any good cynic, the Zen in me can't stand a broken circle. Among the worst of my nightmares involve leaving this world without finishing something. Heck, when I was a morbid, black-wearing, bad-poetry-writing teen, the thought so obsessed me that I kept a little book that was to serve as a melodramatic epilogue to my life. Reading it now, It's pretty funny how seriously I took myself. (Deep breath.) Okay, I'm going to bed. It still was a great long weekend. Two weeks to Winter Break!