shaken and stirred.

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dateline: oZning

15 november 1996 2:11 a.m.

I'm awake. Damn, am I awake. An almost painful flash of searing white light blasted my eyes open. I thought I was dreaming. Then, an enormous dish-rattling, heart-stopping crack of thunder. It rolled around the sky, like a boulder in a crater, for what seemed like forever. "Wow," I said. Thunder, for as long as I can remember, has always had an overwhelming effect on me. It has an unabashed flavor of power and arousal, with a tiny sliver of terror. It might be the stuff of evil and nightmares for most, but not for me. (The rapture didn't last, however. There are now about fifty car alarms going off in assorted cavernous parking structures throughout Waikiki.) This kind of weather is stirring; it really gets to me. It brings back odd, unconnected, vivid memories. Sitting here, I count the seconds between the flash and rumble. "Five Mississippis means five miles," I calculate, just like I did when I was no older than five, sitting cross-legged between a thick, musty curtain and a cold, rain-streaked patio door, watching heavy skies that held my gaze more firmly than any photograph, movie or web-page ever has. I couldn't be scared. I was too busy holding Frank, my cat, telling him that everything was going to be okay. I remember standing at that same place, years later, scanning the total blackness above even though it was midday, looking past a huge "X" of masking tape that my mom had put across the door. That storm was Hurricane Ewa, which struck Hawai`i the same day I came down with chicken pox. And I remember one of my first kisses, in a big car that smelt of cinnamon, listening to "Toto" (!) while lingering a few delicious minutes as the roaring rain pounded like steel bearings in waves across the roof. The first flash of lightning reluctantly sent me racing into the house, where my heart pounded so hard I could hear it, mixing with the sky's rumbling. I'm not getting any sleep tonight. What, you might ask, is on Hawai`i television at 2:20 on a Friday morning? Let's find out, shall we? The Jetsons. Several station logos and one test pattern. The "Astrology" listings on the TV classified channel (I missed Leo). WKRP (I think I remember this episode). A John Gray infomercial -- Aaaaaaugh! Evil... Eeeeeeevil! A sunny and cheery Hawai`i aerobics show that was obviously not filmed this week. The Addams Family. Mr. Rogers (who says Mr. McFeeley's speedy delivery service "is one way to tell someone you love them"). Mr. McFeeley reminds me, actually, of something that struck me the other day about "Romeo and Juliet." It turns out, even in Shakespeare's day, entire families were still being destroyed by the postal service. Okay, I'm starting to get silly. I'm forcing myself to go to bed before this gets any more insipid.