she gets by on cups of borrowed time.

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dateline: oZbase

4 october 1996 9:13 p.m.

I've got an eerie feeling I've been here before... The other psych assistants at work are whispering of our getting laid off. Well, the actual word getting tossed around is "downsized," though as a verb its political correctness totally fails to convey how much the specified action sucks for the subject (or do I mean direct object?). Yes, laid off fits much better... it implies getting fucked. (Please pardon this work rant... I just gotta let it out.) Since this weekend, the psych-patient ratio -- at least in my unit -- has been way high. About nine of them to each one of us. I'm the only P.A. to work this long without a substantial injury, and at this rate my number's going to come up real soon. Granted, we haven't had anyone go apeshit lately, but today we had one transfer from crisis and probably a couple more before Monday. Between them, a rash of sick call-ins, rumors of a couple of missing shoelaces (never mind, it's a long story) and standing-on-his-head-guy trying to get everyone else to try, it just feels like something's going to give. Basically, I guess they're looking to hire more RNs... giving more work to "real" medical professionals and pushing off the students and other uncertified peons. Frankly I don't think it makes much sense, given that the nurses already have enough paperwork to do without doing the shit-shuffling currently left to us. Maybe they want the RNs to spend more time out "on the floor" instead of in their comfy "aquariums" -- but I laugh trying to imagine how some of them would handle their first takedown. I think I'm probably on the short list of people they'll send packing, given that I'm about the least senior one there and because I just maybe, sort of, almost kinda didn't quite follow through on that psych class sequence I'm supposed to be taking... On the other hand, in the last two months I haven't taken a single vacation day (not that they've offered me one). Tim -- the Cobain-esque P.A. that has tried to ask me out at least three times now -- said they might need more staffing on the day shift. But both he and I are at UH, and neither of us are too fond of the idea of quitting school for the daily grind of taping up pants and measuring unfinished juice... and occasionally scrambling for your life. Trying to ward off thoughts that I might be totally unemployed soon, I've been rationalizing everything by saying I've been thinking about leaving anyway. And I'd be telling the truth, mostly. I don't really deserve my job. Most of the other P.A.s are only stopping through while working towards nursing or other fancy degrees. I mean, since I've been there I've seen many come in, then advance out to other areas. Meanwhile there's me, not really aspiring to go anywhere else in the hospital, let alone medicine. I just like the paychecks and the occasional inspiring moment when a charge makes it out and doesn't come back. At least not for a while. What the hell happened on "X Files" tonight? I can program a VCR, really... I can. Remembering to turn on the timer? Ah, Dear Watson, there's the rub. I got home about 20 minutes into the episode. The first thing I saw was Mulder and some guy standing over a body lying in a street, bugs crawling all over his face. Clones, smallpox vaccines and bee husbandry soon followed, but after that, the plot -- in the show's oh-so-special way -- got a little confusing.