now here's a place you can really park your pudding.

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dateline: oZpod

5 september 1996 8:51 p.m.

Did you know there is a "The Tick" movie in the works? That new tidbit of news, plus the fact that the "MahaloCon" has actually come together and will be in October, has made today a very good day. (The MahaloCon will be the first-ever Trek-esque fan convention for Hawai`i Five-O -- I shit thee not.) Just as I got on campus today, I bumped into Greg. We've (read: I've) decided he's going to buy me lunch tomorrow. By a generous margin that man owes me at least a few meals -- if not a few hundred beers. He nagged that more people have signed his guestbook than mine, even though I helped him work out the LPAGE service in the first place. "At least," I said, "I don't put a link to sign it on every freakin' page." As we headed our seperate ways, he hollered loud enough for everyone else walking by to hear, "By the way, I read through your web page again. Your writing... great stuff!" All the closet geeks (maybe three guys) nearby turned and looked at me in what I'm convinced was awe. No one walked up and asked me for my URL, though. (I was at Moose's once and I actually was asked for and gave my URL to a guy I'd only met that night. Never heard from him, though. Of course, this was back when I was on satanic.org...) Fast forward a few hours. Walking across the street to head off to work, I ran into Joel (seriously -- do exes orbit in groups or is it just me?). He walked me all the way down to my car, silently smiling the whole way. Then he said, "You still look really... great." Big audible swallow, perhaps a blush. I thanked him with a hug and drove off, beaming. I really think sometimes I miss him the most. (We didn't break up so much as drifted peacefully in different directions. His new girlfriend didn't want me anywhere near him, though, so we haven't talked in ages.) Right now I'm watching our women's volleyball team stomp all over yet another hapless Mainland team -- Rhode Island... Derek just called. "Just 'cause," he said. "I was thinking of your voice," he said. I did a lot of sighing and laughing and probably sounded like a ditz again but this time I didn't care. He wants to see "Feeling Minnesota," yet another Keanu flick, this weekend. I can't believe it. You'd think he learned his lesson after hearing me moan and grind my teeth through "Chain Reaction." Still, the commercials make it look passable, and it makes some reference to the producers of "Pulp Fiction," so I'll take a chance. Maybe we won't be watching much of the movie anyway. Geez I'm terrible. If I get any happier, I'm going to do something drastic. Like renting "Once Were Warriors." No, I've got it. I'll balance my checkbook. Ah, yes. I'm already experiencing a sobering descent... (The game just ended. 15-5, 15-4, 15-7. I think our team's practices are tougher.) Hawaiian class was a little tough to follow today. Suddenly we're jumping head-first into syntax. What sucked was the fact that, by nature, the language is hard to explain with simple rules. We read how it is, and (supposedly) learn to do it instinctively, but will never know why. NOUN + MODIFIER + ADVERB + SUBJECT Thus the sentence, "He mau `ilio momona loa kela," ("Those are very fat dogs") literally translates to "Are dogs fat very those." The real nightmare comes in translating from Hawaiian to English. I don't think I can really "teach" Hawaiian sentence structure here, but I can at least unleash new vocab words as I get them. From chapter two: NOUNS: MODIFIERS: pua flower akamai smart mo`o lizard pono righteous `ilio dog nani pretty popoki cat momona fat, juicy kane man hiwi skinny wahine woman kolohe mischievous kanaka people hou new ha`awina homework maoli genuine Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh! I'm never buying Western Family Macaroni and Cheese ever again. From now on it's Kraft all the way (with Star-Kist chunk light tuna, pepper and a dab o' shoyu, as always). (What, you never put tuna in Mac 'n' cheese? How about Spam? Bacon? Come on!) Our frugal friends at WF apparently save everyone money by not investing in a date stamper. I just wasted a good ten minutes whipping up a batch of the most horrid excuse for dairy-enhanced instant pasta the world has ever seen. I'm not much of a gambler, and I'm an even worse archaeologist, so I had to find out the hard way that this particular box from the back of the shelf was probably manufactured in the late '70s. And now my apartment stinks. If you thought the Myers-Briggs online psychoanalyzer was fun, try the Kingdomality site. It asks a few questions, then tells you what you'd be if you lived in Medieval days. Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer ... You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms. And like I told Willa, the diarist who found Kingdomality, I actually like the sound of my so-called "negative" points.