It turned out he was a chimney sweeper, he said he had got a letter directly from the queen, and how she hadn't had her chimneys cleaned for ages, and she thought one of her corgies had got stuck up there. The long and short of this was that she insisted a young naked well greased boy should clean them and so I was borne to the magnificent palace of buckington, stripped, greased, handed a tooth brush and violently pushed up a chimney.

I remember now the darkness was back, it was just like the old days, it must be written in my soul to be forced into small dark places, somehow its also linked with the fosilised remains of plant matter and the carbon compounds that result from its oxidisation.

At first I would not go any further up the chimney i stayed still and wedged myself above the hearth, not knowing what I had to do and what they wanted from me. In anger the chimney sweep started poking me with a poker, the queen ordered a fire to be lit under me.

I remember quite distinctly as the warm coals began to heat my body, the feeling of the cold brass poker as it prodded my arse cheeks, it was worse than the coal cellar I had to escape. I started to drag myself up the chimney, using the toothbrush like an ice pick, I climbed for what must have been miles, finally in the distance as I stared up I noticed a small dot of light, I continued climbing, my oily skin now scraped and sore. Many times did I slip down the chimney before I managed to halt my fall with the tooth brush.

It was dark as I pulled myself out of the chimney pot, the only light came from the roof tiles that were covered in gold leaf, reflecting the sombre light of a waning moon. My plan was clear I had to escape, but the palace was built like a prison, and soon the queen would have another child stripped greased and shoved up a chimney to find where I had got to. And when they found I was missing, the royal army would be alerted and there would be no escape for me and the prospect of being drowned in goats milk if I was caught.

A quick roam of the roof disclosed an easily climbable wall leading down to the ground, I shimmied down to the ground, and tryed to conceal myself in the shadows, as well as anyone who is naked and covered in oil can under the sombre light of a waning moon.

It was then I heard the commotion, They had found I had escaped, I could hear the marching of the guard and the filling of the great vat of goats milk, My life flashed before my eyes, My first piece of coal, the piece of coal I had sculpted into a piece of coal with another piece of coal, my pile of coal, and my coal bride.

Luckily it didn't take long, and I managed to steal some clothes off a rotary clothes line in the queens back garden and clothe myself, I grabbed a pair of small pink pantaloons, and a large frilly ball room dress, a black and red corset and a pair of fishnet stockings. I looked at my reflection in a nearby windows of the garden shed, and decided I could pass as a royal princess as long as the guards didn't look to hard.

It was then a plattoon of guards came marching round the corner, they spotted me and came running over ready to beat me into submission with there truncheons, at first they took me for a royal personage and were about to go when one of the guards spotted my oiled complexion, "Its him he's too oily for a princess" he cried, I hefted my skirt and started to run, I panicked where could I go, as I turned a corner I came upon a welcome sight a coal bunker. I lifted the lid and dived in making sure my pettycoat wasn't sticking out and held my breath and waited.

It wasn't long before I heard the guards, they searched high and low and I thought I had escaped, until one of them spotted the greasy stains my hands had left on the coal bunker when I climbed in. The shout went up he's in the coal bunker, the noise of truncheons being drawn was deafening, then suddenly a voice, It was the queens, "We will burn him", I heard as the disapointed noise of truncheons being undrawn happened, and the noise of combustibles being packed around the coal bunker ensued.

I was frozen with fear as I heard them splash petrol over the bunker, I heard the match strike and suddenly I heard the petrol ignite. The temperature started getting hotter, I could hear the the queen cackling "Burn Him, Burn Him". Resigned to my fate I laid my head down and closed my eyes.

I awoke what could have only been seconds later, I heard someone takling very quietly, it was the coal, my old friend, it spoke to me of a secret trap door leading to a 12 foot sewer that was always full of shit. It was my only way out. The coal parted revealing the floor and I heaved the trap door open, it informed me it would cover my escape by catching fire and burning with the hottest flame it could muster. I tightened my corset pulled up my fishnet stockings and dived into the full sewer. Instantly I was caught in a undercurrent and was swept away.

8^th July 1992

I awoke on the muddy banks of some river I knew not of, my pantaloons and stockings were torn, and my ballgown was dirty and torn. I was still covered in oil, I think it must have been engine oil, it was viscous and sticky, and clung to my clammy skin like a limpet to a stone. I turned over and clawed my way up the muddy bank, having to stay flat and drag myself through the stinking brown mire to avoid sinking into the crap below me. Finally I arrived at the edge, which was made of stone, and topped with a metal railing, using my toothbursh again, i climbed up the stone and slid under the fence, exhausted from my ordeal, the toothbursh broke and so i threw it into the river over my left sholder just like my coal mother and father had taught me too.

Its a strange feeling of freedom when you've lived your life in a cellar about 3 feet by 4 feet with the only colour of black to keep you company. The distances seemed to telescope away the colour hurt my eyes, I was afraid, a large yellow ball in the sky was shining down illuminating like a really big light bulb, it hurt when I looked at it directly, not sure what to do I ran bare foot away from the brown streak that was the river, the ground seemed unsteady as I crossed a patch of grass, unfamilar textures completely unlike coal greeted my feet, then suddenly another stream this time of black macadam barred my way, upon it moved hideous monsters I had never drempt of even my wildest nightmares, Like a badly dressed fucked up frogger, I started to cross, confused at first as I didn't sink into the surface of the river of tar, the surface was hot though, and I ran avoiding the fast moving vehicles. it was then my blind panic failed me, and the wide open spaces hit me, like someone had thrown a brick at my gulliver. My vision swam and I felt nauseous, and I stumbled towards a dark alleyway trying to escape from the wideness of the outside.

Strangely enough the dark alley gave me little respite, no sooner had I entered I was cornered by a gang of youths. Seeing my androgyne contenance, they decided to have a little fun with me, they cornered me against a fence, and no matter how loud I shouted at them in the language of coal, they didn't seem to understand, I try to block the rest out I must have blacked out, they grabbed me and dragged me away, kicking and screaming at them, I thought things could never be worse after I had escaped from the chimney, but strangely for the next few hours I tried to think back to the seemingly enjoyable old days of being poked and burnt, and chased by soldiers brandishing truncheons, they finally dumped me in the rubbish bin belonging to an old glue factory, where I stayed until I was sure they had gone away, then I crept out and looked for somewhere to hide.

By this time the yellow thing in the sky had pissed off, and a grey covering had hidden the ceiling from this water started to flow, in drips and drops, I fled again, I remember that first night, as I gathered my ballgown around me, running away from the terrible sounds, the wide open spaces, wanting to get into as small and dark a space as I could. I eventually found a small room in a dilapitated building, about the size of a few large cereal boxes, I curled up into a ball and slept hoping I would wake up once again in my coal cellar. But this was to be my new home for a long time.