Marriage
A matter of choice
Originally, men and women were allowed a great deal of freedom in
matters of love and marriage. People were allowed to make up their mind and choose
who they married. For example, Savitri decided
to marry Satyavan after meeting him in a forest. Or
Shakuntala who married Dushiyant who came as a visitor to her hermitage.
Men and women used to meet at melas, festivals and fairs on regular
basis. This was often an ideal time to look for your life partner. It was
considered perfectly OK for young people to exchange their heart by means of "love
tokens" and the society honoured such pairing by marrying the young people at
temple(s) nearest to the fairs. Even now, such traditions are still alive at places
like Jabhuva where it is traditional for young people to officially "elope" and
than marry at the spring fair.
Royals, due to their wealth and power, held public swayamvars, where
women were allowed to choose who they married. It was not a competition, but a
festival of choice. For example, the princesses of Varanasi were to choose husbands
of their choice when Bhishma kidnapped them. Even Saiukta, the wife of the last
truly independent king of Dehli, Prithviraj Chauhan, was married after a swayamwar, where
she was to choose a man of her choice.
Sadly, soon after this time, due to muslim interference, this
practice was stopped.
Some swayamwars were competitions to see who was “worthy”
of the lady's hand in marriage. Eg – Sita
/ Draupadi etc. Parents wanted to make sure the man chosen to marry their
daughter(s) was brave, strong or resourceful enough to look after their child /children.
The competition was never based on wealth, or birth, but merit. Even at these
competitions, the princesses were allowed to choose who could or could not take part in
the swayamvar.
Later, mostly due to restrictions placed by foreign rulers, women
were married to men their parents thought best – as it was impossible for them to
take unmarried girls out of the house for fear of being abducted by muslim men. Child marriage became the rule when forceful
conversion by abduction and rape became prevalent. Even now, in Pakistan, Hindu
teenage girls are kidnapped and forced to marry to convert them. In Jan 2006, 3
sisters were kidnapped and forced to convert in Karachi !
Why do we look at horoscopes ?
Marriage used to be a choice, there was no searching for horoscopes
or caste etc. It was based on love, love
at first sight. This changed when it became
difficult to meet in mixed groups – muslim rulers frowned upon mixed gatherings and
hence this became the norm. Sadly, we still do
it – whenever we congregate, we still sit in separate gender based groups ! When you did not know who the person was, or their
real personality traits, it was considered OK to look at their horoscope to second guess
what they would be like. It was not a perfect
science, but it was the only alternative to a nation being over ruled by tyranny of
foreign rulers who had little cultural or religious sympathy for them.
Marriage between castes, between racially different tribes, was very
much the accepted the norm in the old days. Later, when people’s motives for marriage
– conversion – became murky, it was considered safer to marry within the caste
and known region – towns.
In the old days, parents were financially and socially responsible
for their children. Taking their responsibility seriously, they used to look for the
ideal life partner for their children, someone who would make their children
"happy". Now, people are more independent and are "responsible"
for their own life, job, finance, and social standing. So now, parents should take
it easy and let their children decide their life partners !
Lets go back to the good old days of total choice in matters of love !
Bhagwat Shah ©
