Stuff I Don't Like

I know this is all very negative but, what the hell, I'll do it anyway.

Films

• "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective" - Jim Carrey was so annoying in this that I couldn't bring myself to watch another one of his films again until "The Truman Show" (which I actually thought was very good).
• "Event Horizon" - The British finally get around to producing a big-budget science-fiction film and they produce this pile of cack. I think it wanted to be "Alien" but fell very short. This film has got so little to recommend it apart from good special effects (although the punters are used to that now) but I'm fed up of seeing films where this is used to make up for the lack of a good plot (such as "The Phantom Menace" - although that was an order of magnitude better than "Event Horizon"). It's also pretty gruesome at points which I think can often be justified if it helps with the creation of atmosphere in a film but here I felt the unpleasantness came with no reward. I've never walked out of a film at the cinema but I came close with this one.
• "Deep Impact" - unadulterated rubbish. Soppy, scientifically inaccurate and otherwise unbelievable. A planet occupied by film-makers of such low calibre probably deserves to be hit by a meteorite - preferably aimed at Hollywood.
• "The Avengers" - I couldn't believe how awful this was. I'm sure all the stereotypical English and Scottish characters were meant to appeal to the American market (although I can't believe they're that stupid) but this was taking the piss. I really wanted to go to sleep during this film but the cinema seats were so uncomfortable I had to watch it. Torture.
• "The End of the Affair" - one of those rubbishy films full of repressed Brits. It didn't contain a single character I could sympathise with at all.
• James Bond films with Pierce Brosnan - the whole 007 franchise was certainly beginning to look a bit tired towards the end of the Roger Moore era but now the format is well and truly past its best before date. There seems to be very little effort to bring the concept up to date - Bond doesn't smoke and "M" is a woman but apart from that it's still the same tiresome formula being trotted out ad nauseum.

Music

• Anything by The Cartoons - this band are just an abomination. Their music is Euro-pop at its very worst. They must be aimed at five-year olds, but that doesn't quite explain why their two backing singers are showing copious amounts of cleavage. I'm sure they're meant to be funny, or ironic, or post-ironic. Actually they're crap.

TV

• "Eastenders" - I watch this once a year at Christmas. My mum always wants to watch so we all do but even she says it's rubbish. I'm sure there are some cockneys somewhere who are glad that the stereotypes of Dick Van Dyke and the Pearly Kings and Queens are being laid to rest by Eastenders but what a replacement! Is there a single sympathetic character in the programme? Does anyone ever have a genuine smile? I think not. If they could bottle misery they'd sell it under the Eastenders brand.