I've spent my entire life idolizing imaginary heroes. When I was in pre-school I watched He-Man, the Transformers, and all the other cartoons that were popular among the local five year olds. I owned all the action figures and ran around the house yelling "By the power of Greyskull!". My hero worship took on a new phase when I learned to read. First it was the Hardy Boys, then Doctor Who. I liked Frank, Joe, and the good Doctor a great deal better than most real people and this had a rather negative effect on my social life. When I was eight, I went on vacation in Colorado and bought Magician: Master by Raymond E. Feist. I struggled through the massive volume, though it was light years beyond my reading level. I understood very little, and the book got placed in the basement, forgotten. I dug out it out a few years later, and read it for a second time, this time comprehending a good deal more. I sought out and read the remaining three books of the trilogy, in a somewhat haphazard order. The saga weaved an intricate pictures of three boys on their path to manhood, focusing on Pug -- a orphan boy turned squire turned otherworldly captive turned magician. These books captured my imagination in a way no book had before. I spent the next several years daydreaming of becoming a powerful wizard, half living in a fantasy world full of dragons, magic, and epic quests. Since then, I have read hundreds of books, mostly in the science fiction \ fantasy genre. There has been a multitude of heroes, from hobbits to Jedi Knights to undead warriors.

Some may accuse me of escapism. My peers have long since turned to real people for inspiration and guidance: parents, saints, teachers, and athletes. One may ask how imaginary heroes can be equated with "true" people. In fact, it is often easier to understand humanity by reading a good fiction book than by talking to hundreds of actual people. It is much easier to understand adultery and the guilt that goes with it by reading the Scarlet Letter than by knowing someone who at one time had an affair. No one can completely understand another person, regardless of how well they may know that person. In fiction, one not only knows what a character does, but also their motives and the past experiences that created those motives. It is possible to know a fictional character better than oneself, because most people delude themselves to some degree. Much of who I am comes from the various heroes I have modeled myself after, although I have often failed to hold myself to the ideal created by those I have attempted to emulate. Three books and their characters have influenced me more than others in their affect on my both my ideals and my world view. From the first I learned strength, the second morality, and from the third I gained a clearer viewpoint.

The Legends Trilogy by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickmann introduced me to Raistlan. He is a dark character, but one that personifies much of what I am and much of what I hope to be. He was intelligent, cynical, and ambitious. The story itself deals with his quest for god-hood and its ultimate failure. The failure is intentional, caused by his own compassion. The first idea Raistlan taught me was the power of knowledge. All knowledge is power and time that is not spent learning is time wasted. Learning does not always mean reading a book or listening to a lecture. Learning can be writing, talking, or simply introspection. I try to avoid activities in which I learn little. Watching a sitcom is a waste of time, as is talking with someone who talks only about meaningless subjects. Better learning also includes economy of thought. If I catch myself just staring into space, I try to think of something constructive, be it a story idea or a solution to a math problem. Reading is another efficient way to learn, and I try to read whenever possible, even when I'd rather watch TV or sleep.

The second ideal I have inherited from Raistlan is a cynical outlook. I try to keep my mood swings in check, never being too happy or too depressed. It helps to view things in a skeptical light, for I don't suffer a serious letdown when something turns out for the worse. I distrust politicians, textbooks, the media, and religious leaders. This helps me to use my reason to figure out what is happening, rather than trusting someone or something I don't know. I question any and "givens" or "postulates" because they sometimes are supported by very sketchy reasoning. It is not that I refuse to believe in anything, it is simply that I assume every statement is false until confirmed by my own reason or by an outside force. Being cynical is not an excuse to give up, however. I try to not get hopeful about anything going my way, but try to do everything possible so it does go my way.

I try to be discrete about my ambitions, another Raistlan-like trait. Many great authors, from Sun-Tzu to Machiavelli, have pointed out the necessity of keeping some of one's thoughts and actions secret. There is no reason why anyone should know all my motives. It is very hard for someone to impede my progress towards a goal when they have no idea what that goal is. I have a big mouth, but I still have more than my fair share of secrets. Many people consider it a boon to be honest. I will never withhold information someone needs to know, nor will I tell a lie if I can possibly help it. However, I will not tell someone something just because they want to know or think they need to know. I still tell far too many people far too many things and I have paid for my errors more than once. I am gradually learning how to best withold information without alienating the person to whom I am talking.

R.A. Salvatore's Dark Elf and Ice Wind Dale trilogies feature another one of my heroes: Drizzt Do'Urdouen. Drizzt is a dark elf, an outcast among his own people for his morals, and discriminated against by others for his race. He keeps his moral code intact through many trials, including the death of his father and his exile from his home. Drizzt is perhaps the opposite of Raistlan. He holds his morals and friends above all else and does not betray himself. I have gained three ideals from Drizzt: self-control, honor, and accountability for my actions. Self control is the holding of the super-ego over the id, or the controlling of base desires. I try not to give into urges that I know will be self destructive. Smoking, drinking, or harming myself in any other way is stupid. Not doing my daily exercise falls into the same category. When I am running, even if I feel like walking, I try to keep going. Discipline is not only for sports. Discipline is controlling one's thoughts and actions at all times. This means avoiding wasting time or "slacking off". This also means taking good notes during class even when I am tired. I am not disciplined enough as it is, and often fail to complete my goals because of a lack of time and effort.

Honor means having integrity. It means keeping promises to oneself and to others. Drizzt showed both why honor should be important and why it shouldn't be all-important. Keeping promises gains the respect of others and also makes a person morally stronger. I try to keep all my promises, but I have failed at this many times, perhaps more so than any other point in this paper. I try to think about that when I make promises, but I often commit to far more than I am willing or able to do. I have often forgotten things at home when someone needs them at school and have left people stranded without rides. This alienates others and brings on guilt trips. Despite the importance of honor, it cannot and should not become all-consuming. Some promises that are made are impossible to carry out, these should be recognized as such. Even worse, a commitment may be made that turns out to be harmful if it is carried out. Love should always come before honor, so if the honorable thing to do is not the loving thing to do, do the loving thing. I try to think of how my actions will affect others and if an action would hurt someone, I don't do it, regardless of who I may anger by not doing it.

Accountability for my own is the final ideal I gleaned from Drizzt. One cannot judge one's actions simply by the acceptable societal or religious norm. One cannot morally follow laws they believe to unethical. If something seems morally wrong, but is legal, it shouldn't be done. Abortion is a modern issue that this can be applied to. It is culturally acceptable, but it may be morally wrong. I won't smoke when I am eighteen regardless of whether it is legal, because it is harmful. I try to make up my own mind on moral issues as much as possible, since I am the one held accountable if I do something wrong. I can't tell God it was all society's fault.

The final trilogy is The Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind. This book's morals are not from its characters, but rather are written down as a series of rules, one per book. The rules are labeled Wizard's First, Second, and, Third Rules. The Wizard's First Rule is that people are inclined to believe either what they hope is true or what they fear is true. This truth shows up every day in TV "news" magazines and talk shows, where the exceptions are portrayed as the rule, and people believe because they are afraid its true. In any war, there is propaganda playing off the populace's fears. The enemy is portrayed as inhuman, and this believed despite logical inconsistencies. Cults predict the apocalypse and people believe, because they are afraid. Many religions are full of "hocus-pocus" that is obviously faked, yet attract hundreds of followers, because of the followers' hope. The way to guard against this rule is to always analyze one's beliefs and the justification for them. This means questioning everything, from country to religion. I sometimes catch myself just reading a hopeful story in the newspaper and accepting it as fact. Just because a story is interesting doesn't mean it is necessarily true.

The Wizard's Second Rule is that every action can have many possible consequences, beyond the ones intended. Many third-world dictators have great intentions for their country, yet kill thousands of their own citizens. To me, this rule means not doing anything without thinking about it first. Even if I am going to do something nice for someone, I think about what the consequences will be of that action. I often delete files on my computer to free up space without bothering to think whether those files were needed to run the computer. I have crashed several programs by deleting files I thought were completely unrelated.

The Wizard's Third Rule is not to let emotion overcome reason. I usually keep my temper under control, but I when I do get angry I often yell at my friends and parents for things that aren't their fault. If I am angry at someone I try to think about an appropriate action first, before I start screaming at them. My heroes have contributed much to life, despite their apparent lack of reality. A magician, an elf, and some odd rules have taught me more about who I should be than any morality class could hope to. Thank you to those who wrote, and changed my life. I hope I can one day create a hero.