For a kinder, gentler, lazy afternoon.
Mulligans
Ok. You and some friends are out for a round of golf. Remember, this is all for fun. Now, let us analyze that question posed on the first tee: How many Mulligans a side do we get?
The correct answer is "It doesn't matter. We are here to have fun, right??"
Isn't the game a lot more enjoyable when you know that if you duff a shot, you can always try again?? After all, when we play, we are not playing for love, money or honor. (The reason for this is that nobody I play golf with has any of the three.) We are playing to have fun and harass the tar out of each other. So it is perfectly acceptable to take a mulligan whenever you feel that it is necessary and proper.
Now it should be said for the record that this method of golf is not endorsing taking a mulligan after every shot. After all, there must be some integrity in the game. Not much, mind you, but some. Taking a third shot is frowned upon if it occurs too frequently (once a nine is about the limit on this one), and a fourth attempt at the same shot should not be tried anywhere soberly. If you haven't got it after three tries, you ain't gonna get it. Give up, walk the four paces to your best of three balls, and try again. DO NOT forget to retrieve your other attempts. (They should be within arm's reach anyway.)
Scoring
For the purposes of our game of golf, we must define this in two ways. The first is the number of shots taken on any given hole, and the second is how to record that score on the score card. Let me tackle these two issues in that order.
Number of Shots
The number of shots taken on a hole is defined simply as "the number of shots taken on a hole." It is, shall we say, intentionally ambiguous. In theory, you should count every stroke on every hole, including applicable penalty strokes. Yeah, right.
Reality dictates that you select a number that somewhat accurately reflects the number of shots that you feel you should have taken on that hole, without being overly dishonest.
For example: A 380-yd par 4. Drive goes into the rough after your ball turns on the right-turn signal in mid-flight. It is not your fault that the ball nestled behind a stately oak tree. After all, you didn't plant it there. Your next shot punches the ball out from behind the tree but still in the rough. You next hit the ball just short of the green because of a fluffy lie in the rough, then you chip on and two putt.
A score of 5 is not unreasonable. Sure you hit the ball six times, but that tree wasn't your fault. Some would say the fluff lie was not their fault either, and score a 4, but that is a bit of a stretch. Nobody would say much about a 5, but the 4 may create some tension between players, especially if they are not well versed in the intricacies of the Coaches Rules.
As far as mulligans go, using the definition of score as "number of strokes taken to get from the tee to the hole" can be helpful.
Example: Par 3. Island green. First shot joins Jaqcues Cousteau down in the deep blue sea. Next attempt from the tee lands on the edge of the island in the rough. You blade the chip shot badly, send it flying over the green and it joins its predecessor 20,000 leagues under the sea. Your next attempted chip leaves you four feet from the pin and you manage to two putt from there.
Correct score: 4. It only took you four strokes to get from tee to hole. The rules do not specifically say you must count the shots that you didn't use to get from tee to hole (i.e. the two in the drink). "But what about the penalty strokes???" you ask. I will address that issue later.
Hopefully now you have a bit of an
idea as to how to score a hole. It is not an objective number, but
rather a subjective feeling about one's performance on the hole. It is flexible, not rigid. A sense of tranquility must exist between the golfer and the number written on the score card, or one's yin and yang will not coexist
Oh and one other thing:
You may never, ever, record a score in double digits. Period.
The Score Card
If you even have no clue about golf, you must know the definition of par. The number of strokes one should take on a particular hole. But tell me, who determines how many shots a person should take on a hole?? And when was this decision made?? I despise people who think that they know what I should do and what is best for me. Therefore, we have modified the definition of par to make the game less frustrating and more appealing to the average duffer.
Par: The number of shots one should take on a particular hole plus one.
Face it, if you are reading this, chances are you are not a good golfer. So why be frustrated by holding yourself to the same standard (par) as are Woods, Duval, O'Meara, and the rest of those professionals, who do nothing, and I mean nothing, all day except practice golf, play golf, and make golf commercials while you are slaving away inside of some cubicle somewhere, staring out a window (if you are lucky enough to have one) and wishing you could get out just to play nine holes??
So there is no use setting unreal expectations. All it does is increase your frustration and aggravation. Keep your goals reasonable and attainable, yet still with a tinge of challenge so that the game does not become boring. So treat a par 4 as a par 5, a par 5 as a par 6 and so on.
And always keep score against par. That is, if the scorecard lists the hole as a par 4, and you took 5 on the hole, according to our rules, you took a par. Put a 0 on the card, indicating a net score of zero. (Nothing over par, and nothing under par.) A score of 6 should be recorded as a +1 and a 4 should be recorded as a -1.
***Also, all of your playing partners should be reminded when you scored a "real par" (as in the number that is really listed on the scorecard as par for that hole) or even the ever so rare "birdie" (one less than the score on the card) and that they are pathetic for having to use Coaches' Rules to conjure up their score. Drop this topic quickly when your next drive finds the forest or goes for a casual scuba dive..