Now we move on to some of the finer points of the Coaches' Rules. These are a variety of rules which have evolved over the years in many ways by many people and have become part of the legend that is our brand of golf.
Two Clubs
This is an important concept. Many times, you will be in a situation to which you are entitled to some form of relief due to an unplayable lie. Some of these are ground under repair, casual water, gopher holes, ant mounds (if you live in Florida and see the condominiums those ants can build, you understand why relief from these is critical), temporary immovable structures (see below), and possibly others.
When in these situations, you are entitled by the Rules of Golf to two club lengths relief from such problems. That is fine with us. Most people pull out their driver and measure two lengths and drop a ball.
Not me. Nope. I select the club house as my measuring stick for these situations. Two club house lengths usually will get me out of any trouble in which I might find myself. Amazing what one can do when he or she reads between the lines, isn't it? I encourage you to use this interpretation of the rule often.
Ground Under Repair
Now this is a defintion with which I have much trouble. The courses like to tell you that only certain areas of the course are under repair, and that they are roped off and clearly marked. This, as you know, is absolute rubbish.
Case in point: Fred Duffer is in the foursome ahead of me. His handicap at the beginning of the round is 22, and as he puts away the better part of a 12-pack of malt soda, it will top out at around 43 by the end of the round. On the 16th fairway (somehow he found the fairway....although he used a map and even then called for directions), he takes a divot that is so large it could easily pass as a landfill in thirteen underdeveloped nations. He has no more sand/seed mix to fill the divot, and he can't begin to find enough of the sod to fill in the hole. So he leaves it alone, gets in the cart and pops the top on another beverage.
Now I commence my trek down the 16th fairway, following Fred's group, and lo and behold, I find my ball has come to rest in that cavern that Fred created for me. I really do not care what the course superintendent says, this is ground under repair, or better yet, ground in a state of disrepair. Yet it has not been marked and roped by the course managers. What to do, what to do.....
Easy answer. Create my own ground under repair. This ground needs fixed, right? Then it needs repaired. Take a two club house relief and drop your ball. NOTE: This can be used real liberally. If you happen to find your ball in a spot that looks like it was a divot that has almost, but no quite, regrown properly, please do not destroy that precious grass. Move the ball to a lush green spot that also allows you to tee that baby up, and swing away.
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I know that I am really playing around with the rules
of golf here, but I am serious about taking care of the course. Always
fill in divots in the fairways and on the tee boxes. Part of the joy of a
pleasant round of golf is to play in a relatively serene place where nature
has been preserved as much as possible. Don't be an idiot and run
the cart over the green or into the bunker. (Just for the record, it is not advisable to drive your cart into a large water hazard either.) Repair ball marks (if
you are good enough to make them), and generally take care of the course.
After all, it may be me playing behind you, and you want me to have fun
out there, don't you??
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Temporary Immovable Structure
If you can pull this off, great. I have only gotten away with this once, and my partner at that time had partaken of far too many adult beverages to realize my true intent. Or maybe I had consumed enough to have the courage to even try this.
Situation: Close match between myself and somebody who was almost as bad as I am. The stakes of the match was libations at the 19th hole. On the 17th hole, I found my shot laying right behind a huge old oak tree. There was absolutely no shot, except to punch it out deeper into the rough and use a weedwhacker out to play my next shot into the fairway.
Thinking quickly (or in a haze, as the case may be) I proposed the following solution: I asked my partner what the definition of 'temporary' was. He slurred some response, and I certainly wasn't listening; my brain was in overdrive. I postulated that only the existence of God was permanent, and everything else was only in place 'temporarily' as He saw fit to leave it there. My partner looked at me quizzically, so I moved fast.
"Therefore," I proclaimed, "this tree is, in God's eyes, a temporary fixture upon this particular spot, as it was not there before God created the Earth, and only he could determine when the tree no longer needed to be on that particular spot. It would not be correct for me to question His reasoning for placing that tree at that spot at that time. It was also apparent that the tree was immovable (I even tried to push the tree over to make my point). So, since this tree was technically a temporary, immovable structure, I should be allowed two clublength (see above) relief from this tree."
Having concluded my argument, he seemed to agree with me (either that or he was innebriated enough that he could not hold his head still), so I dropped my ball and hit as fast as I could, not wanting his mind to clear up long enough to pick apart my argument. And, most importantly, I wound up winning by two strokes.
Good luck with this one. And to you college students out there that may be reading this, I strongly encourace you to take a Philosophy class that deals in logic. That is where I learned the techniques of invalid and untrue arguments, a skill that can be very helpful in all walks of life.
Winter Rules
Winter rules allow you to pick and clean you ball in the fairway and you also may move the ball within a 6" radius of the ball's position, as long as you move it no nearer the hole. Allow me to clarify.
First of all, when are Winter Rules in effect? Rumor has it that the superintendant of the course makes that decision. I disagree. Winter rules should be in effect whenever it is Winter. Anywhere. If I am playing in July in Ohio, I propose that it is winter in Australia and therefore, Winter rules are in effect. I really do not think the good book of golf says that it must be winter where you are playing, does it??
In addition, you may not move the ball "nearer the hole." Which hole is that, I wonder? Could it be the 16th hole, although I am playing the seventh? You bet it does, especially if there is a nice thick clump of grass right in front of my ball that would make a lovely natural tee for my next shot.
The above practice is considered acceptable in most social circles. (And if it isn't, I get the heck out of that social circle.) It is not acceptable to use a wooden tee in the fairway, rough, sand, green, or even water (I HAVE seen this one tried when a ball was 1" deep in a stream). Nor a plastic tee, for those of you looking for loopholes. Play it from the grass and remember, nobody really carries a ruler on the golf course, do they? Stretch that 'six inches' until someone actually complains that you are not 'moving' your ball but actuall taking an additional, uncounted stroke.
Scott Jarvis Rule
Scott was a fellow teacher of mine when I worked at Olsen Middle School in Dania, Florida. One of the nicest guys I have ever met. I have to credit him with this rule, but it is applicable to all of us who are not professionals and have to pay for our equipment. (You know good and well that those pros don't pay for anything. They all have sponsors, who provide clubs, balls, and anything that they might need. I have tried to get sponsored as a golfer but to no avail. The Salvation Army won't give me free clubs or anything else free.)
Scott felt that his clubs were an investment. He loved them and didn't ever want to take a chance on ruining them. (OK, he didn't want to spend the money to upgrade them.) One day at Springtree (18th hole I believe), he put his tee shot into a thicket of trees on the right. Finding the ball was not difficult, but it laid on hardpan and was surrounded by treeroots. Taking a swing of any speed would have put his clubs in serious jeopardy. He declared that taking such a shot would possibly cause undue financial hardship (i.e. club replacement, and possible medical bills if he jammed his wrist when he hit the tree roots), and therefore a shot could not be taken.
His partners agreed (in part due to the invocation of the next rule) and he was granted two club house relief. This rule has lived on to this day an has saved many a duffer pain and financial consequence.
HOOTERS in 15 minutes rule.
Springtree Golf Club is in Sunrise, FL, just west of Ft. Lauderdale. It is a relatively short course, consisting of par 3 and par 4 holes and has a regulation par of 63. A fun course, but not serious. It has a tremendous feature about it: HOOTERS restaurant sits on the left edge of the 9th hole dog-leg left.
Playing the 8th and going out on the 9th, one is treated to the wonderful aroma of their chicken wings, and other succulent delights from the menu. It is a mouth-watering experience, and I have been tempted many times to forget the back nine and head on in.
But we press on, with the aroma still clinging to our minds, pondering the taste of those wings washed down with an ice cold barley and malt combo. Therefore, it became common practice to set a time limit to finish the round and head in for libation. Our cry at Springtree was "HOOTERS in 15!" All rules and scoring procedures became moot, as the only goal was to be done and in the restaurant in less than 15 minutes.
How did we accomplish this? Can you say Cart Polo? Several times, I took a shot with a wedge while on the passenger side of the cart doing about 20 mph down the fairway. Etiquette flies out the window as everyone plays their shots as soon as they get to the ball. No waiting. Three people putting at a time is not uncommon. The only requirement was that you must hole out on every green after this rule has been declared. Once this was done by a gentleman who never teed off, just took the cart straight to the green, ran to the flag, and dropped the ball in the hole. He claimed a hole-in-one, but even we wouldn't accept that score. We did allow him to take a solid par for creativity.
Now I know every course doesn't have a HOOTERS along the side of it. (Although we are mounting a campaign to make this happen. Write me for more details.) You can substitute any appropriate lounge/bar/grill/restaurant/entertainment establishment that is in the vicinity of the course. You may also adjust the times as need be, but always make them challenging. This makes for much more creative golfing from the 16th through the end of the course.