Lost, drifting, I fall endlessly,
searching for something, anything, anyone.
Help me, I don't know where I am anymore,
where I am going, why I am falling.
Darkness surrounds me, swallowing me whole until I am no more,
until I am nothing, as I have always been, nothing.
Suddenly, I see a light, if that is what it is called,
and the light fades, only to brighten again,
coming from seemingly nowhere, shining on me as I float toward it,
or away from it, I can no longer tell.
I reach out, grasping for the light, but it eludes my grasp,
my arm just isn't fast enough, as if weights were attached to it, slowing it.
I watch the light begin to fade, slowly at first and then quicker,
even as I struggle to catch it. I cry out,
my voice weakening, my strength waning.
I cry out again, pleading for it to stay.
It stops, as if waiting. I ask it to cover me
to wrap me in its warmth.
It brightens, deepens,
coming closer, but without warming me.
I see something, something coming closer to me from in the light,
casting a shadow toward me. What is it?
It........it..looks like.....well, I don't know what.
I feel fear creeping up on me as it comes closer.
I try to back away but can't. Something makes me stay.
I can see it now, it's a pole,
ten feet high with another pole crossing it near the top,
a cross is what it is called, I think;
and hanging on the cross is a Man, looking at me,
blood flowing down His face, His eyes filled with pain,
filled with sorrow, filled with contentment, filled with love.
I tear my eyes away and look past Him into the light,
trying to move by, but my body won't respond,
won't move away from the Man.
As I struggle, the Man and the light both begin to fade.
I cry out, begging Him to stay, to talk to me,
to help me, to answer my questions.
He looks at me and then at His hands.
I follow His eyes to see nails driven through His wrists,
blood pouring out of the wounds,
and I see my name written on the nails,
and I see in my name all that I had done in my life.
I see all the good deeds, but also all of the bad deeds,
the sins, and as I stare, shame fills my soul
as understanding comes to me of what it means.
Sorrow overwhelms me, tears begin to flow
as I weep over what I had done,
as I weep over what was happening to this Man on my account.
I weep as I see this Man hanging in my place,
dying for me, for my sins.
As I cry, I feel a love pouring out of Him
as He looks down at me.
Then His lips begin to move,
I think I hear something, a voice,
but I'm not sure for I haven't heard a voice in so long.
Yes, it is a voice, His voice,
the words coming clear to me now,
"IT.....IS.....FINISHED", I hear Him say,
His head lowering, His eyes closing.
As I watch, a gash appears in His side
blood and water pouring out onto my hands.
I stare, numb, at the Man, dead because of me,
dead in my place. I cry out, begging Him to come back,
but He wouldn't, He couldn't,
for death is absolute, it is the end.
Tears flood my eyes as sorrow wracks my body.
I cry into the light, "WHY??.....WHY HIM?!?!.....
WHY NOT ME?!?!?!?!", but no answer comes.
I look again to the cross to see it empty,
the Man gone. I reach out and touch the cross,
resting my head against it,
weariness filling me,
sleep overtaking me.
Dreams filled my head, dreams of the Man, of regret.
I dream that it didn't happen,
that I was in my proper place,
that the Man still lives, but it does no good,
my soul refuses to rest,
refuses to regain strength.
Suddenly, I hear a voice,
cutting through my dreams, calling me to awaken.
I open my eyes to see not the cross
but the Man standing there, alive.
I stare, shock filling me,
as He extends His arms toward me,
the wounds still there.
I take His hands, wanting to be held by Him,
to stay in His arms forever. He looks at me and says,
"Open your heart and trust Me."
I look into His eyes and finally understand.
I understand that He has to be in my heart,
to live inside me, or I would be lost forever,
always wandering, never reaching my destination, alone.
"Open your heart and trust me."
I look at Him and slowly opened my heart.
He smiles and pulling me to Him.
I float there, wrapped in His arms,
crying, listening to Him say,
"Welcome home, my Child."
The light brightens, warming the air.
I close my eyes, but the light shines through,
filling me, washing me, and then it leaves.
I open my eyes to see both the light and the Man gone,
but I know I am not alone.
He is inside me, forever, always comforting,
always loving, shining through me.
Now the light shines out of me, guiding me,
illuminating just enough of the darkness
for me to see my way.
As I move on, I hear a voice,
crying out from the darkness.
I turn to see another person,
lost, drifting, just as I had been.
I move toward that person opening my heart to them,
and watch the Man inside me do the rest..........
