2.02.01
And
Jesus did bless the “Goldfish”, and break open the bag of “Goldfish”, and
poured them out into the Dixicups, and distributed them with the Welches Grape
Juice, and He said, “Take these “Goldfish” and this Grape Juice. I am the Cheddar Flavor!” – Steve
You
don’t have an opinion. Quiet. – Paulie
I’m
75% Italian. The other 25% is
Polish…but I’m 100% studly. – Mike G.
Keep
them [the freshman] all isolated! Shut
your mouths! – Steve
Our
power hour’s done on the Rosary: chug…chug…chug…everytime you say a Hail Mary!
– Steve
Uh
oh…you got the gimpy up…-- Paulie
Fr.
Jim; he’s like Col. Klink: he puts in that little half glass thingy, that lense
thing or whatever, and he’s working for the KGB! “Very, very insterestink.” (Russian accent needed) – Steve
Fred
[from Scoobie Doo] is gay. He wears an
ascott. C’mon – Paulie
Wait
a minute…I’m getting a message from God…He’s telling me to BEAT your ass! –
Steve
I’m
giving up sex for Lent – Bridget
I’m
giving up sex and drugs – Danielle
I’m
giving up sex, drugs…and alcohol. – B
*pause*…bitch
– D.
Now
why would I read the Bible? – Paulie
I
believe in Women’s Lib. – Steve
I
don’t. Nobody asked me! – Mary S.
Anyone
up for a rosary? Anyone? Please? – Greg
No…not
really…not right now…-- all of us.
Mary?! C’mon!
Your name is Mary! – Greg
What
does that have to do with anything? – Mary W.
Paulie? Please? – Greg
No. Hello?!
This is a retreat! -- Paulie
Obviously
the one with the air conditioner can’t be the muder shack. – Paulie
With
such luxury, who would want to kill? – Mike G.
I
mean, c’mon, we have plastic windows. – Mary W.
2.03.01
I
got to carry the God thing! – Bridget
It’s
like we go into K-Mart and say, “Let me get some Baptism.”
How
does the Lord of the Universe come before us in a wafer?
That’s
kind of a big thing to get into [transubstantiation].
We
want the light show. We want God, on
the Big Screen!
The
old ladies in the front pew clanking with the rosaries. It’s like, “Hello! Princess!”
Because
you clang your rosaries against the pews and I wanna go and pop you one
everytime you do, doesn’t mean I need you.
This
is the Superbowl of their existence! [on the Jews and the Passover]
We
can look and say, “I feel sorry for the poor lamb”…but we should be equally as
sorry that our sins drove Christ to the Cross. (RE: the connection between the
sacrificial lambs and Jesus, The Sacrifical Lamb)
You
know that old spiritual, *singing* “Were you there when they crucified…”? Yeah, we were, we are.
To
better your trivia, Confirmation is…
Just
because he’s the bishop doesn’t mean he has special powers and can be more than
one place at once.
The
Holy Spirit was back, or better yet, I was back in it, because He never really
left me.
That
didn’t come from me…but I agree with it.
That’s
the end of my talk. You may all applaud
now.
Next
time you schedule a retreat, I’m going to schedule myself for a voluntary
spinal tap. – Pete G., on filling out the survey.
You
cheater! Ah! *picks up random “Game of
Life” game piece, aka the little minivans, and tosses it across the room* --
Gabby
I…I’m
going to kill your children!!!! *attempts to take little people out of the
minivans and throw them* -- Gabby
Georgina! You can’t just move when it’s not your turn!
– Bridget
Hey,
this is the “Game of Life”, Real Life!
If no one else wants to move, you have to go!!! – Georgina
You
know, I could have your sacraments revoked for that one! – Bridget
2.04.01
I
am not an expert on Confirmation…but this book [the CCC] is. This is “Mr. Expert” *displaying the
Catechism*
The
Holy Spirit is our guide on the riverof life; follow His instructions and
you’ll get through it alive, and blessed.
Friend
closest to our hearts – in our heart – Confirmation gives us the indwelling of
the Trinity.
He
wants us to get to Heaven. Heaven is
like the party at the end of the river trip; but it’s not just a
party. It’s the Ultimate Party. You can not party more than the ecstasy of
partying in Heaven.
With
a friend like that, you take Him for all He’s worth!
The
Holy Spirit is like a…well, a Bob Villa if you will, a Martha Stewart.
Theology
101…put on my theology hat here.
He
could work miracles, but He also had to eat.
We
see the Church as we see Christ. If we
see Christ as completely human, we see the Church as just a group of people
doing their own things. If we see
Christ as completely divine, we see the Church as this ethereal, floaty thing
above our heads. We need to see Christ
as He is: human and divine. Then we’ll
see the Church as she is: Christ’s body on Earth.
Does
this mean that you should go out and grab someone by the collar and say “get
into Church you…you sinner!” or stand on a street corner with an enormous sign,
going “Repent! Repent!”…*pause*…
*completely deadpan* Yes. After this,
we’re all going to go, make our signs…”