Ah yes, it's 12:00 and time for lunch.  Hear the church bell bong twelve times?  Yeah, well, everyone else heard it way before you did ... cuz they're ZOOM .... outta here!  I'm sure no one else's office works quite like this.  You see, in this office, the hold buttons on the phone get pushed down at around ten minutes before noon everyday because they don't want interrupted by a phone call that might make them go to lunch five minutes late.  No work can be started past 11:50 a.m. because, well, the work could conceivably take longer than ten minutes.  We wouldn't want to give our company a second more than what they pay for now, would we.
 

LUNCH BEGINS.

Now, we're actually in the lunch room.  Ah the joyous conversation that happens here.  How many of you spend SO much time in front of your television that you actually know:  (1)  the exact time every show of the week comes on; (2) the names of just about every prime time actor;  (3)  who's doing who and what on prime time television;  (4)  every tidbit on every single actor that's on during prime time; (5)  loads of miscellaneous "who cares" information about most actors???  I mean, if anyone ever needs to know any information on anything that ever happens on television, come have lunch in our lunch room and you'll come out of there full of television knowledge, along with a headache.  

I sit at this lunch table day after day after day listening to what happened on last night's episode of whatever shows were on. Now, personally, I really don't care.  If I cared I would watch the frickin' show...and if I cared enough to watch the frickin' show, I wouldn't want, nor need, to discuss it with everyone else.  Do these people not have a life of their own?  Must they talk about what's on television all the time?

THE MISSING PERSON.

So, what do they do when they run out of television talk or there were a lot of reruns on the night before?  Uh huh ... if you just happen to be the person not in the lunch room at this unfortunate time, well ... you got it ... the topic is YOU.  You have to have really thick skin to work in this office ... because you know at one time or another, you are the lunch time conversation.  Of course, once YOU walk into the lunch room, the talk is shifted to some other nonsense.

MAKEUP, NUTRITION AND HEALTH TIPS.

Of course, no lunch time event is complete without tips on how other people wear their hair, clothes, makeup, etc.  Now, none of these people ever seem to realize that they could use a few tips themselves.  To hear them talk, you would think that they need no improvement.  They speak of other people's weight, like all of them are at the perfect weight for their age and height.  Come to think of it ... I don't think they think about other people's age and height, oh yeah ... they don't think, I forgot ... silly me.  Anyway, they'll cut down someone's hair style, clothes or makeup (usually movie stars) .... yeah I know ... like they're perfect, you know.  I have a really hard time not pointing this fact out to them.

Now, this room is also full of food critics.  They know exactly what you should and should not eat ... They know which vitamins and minerals you should be taking.  And let's not forget exercise!  They all do it so faithfully, and it shows on most of them.  They are so perfect!

ADVICE ON RAISING CHILDREN.

This is another area they all know about.  Now, never mind that some of them don't even have children, or it has been at least 15 years since they've raised their own.  Mention anything about what's happening with your children, and they'll give you advice and tell you exactly what you're doing wrong.   They know how to raise YOUR children.

1:00 BELL.

At 1:00 the lunch hour comes to an end.  Where is everyone?  Are they at their desks?  Nope.  Are they using the rest room?  Nope.  Why, look, they're still in the lunch room.  They haven't quite finished their chatting.  Of course, sometimes they just haven't found a parking spot, or they haven't quite left the restaurant they were at.  That's okay.  They'll make up their time.  They always do!  Just ask them.  Doesn't the end of lunch mean that you leave the lunch room, restaurant, or wherever you were at 1:00, come back to the office, go to the rest room, comb your hair, freshen your makeup, etc.?

I'm sure by now you've got the general idea of how lunch goes at our office.  I could probably add a lot more to this topic, but I'm kind of tired.  I'm sure I'll be refining this article as the weeks go on ... but for now, this will have to do.

Please me sure to send your input to Rebel Mary.