Saturday morning found me flat on the ground, on my back, underneath Old' Ben staring straight at the engine. I had all my tools within reached because I knew that nobody would be around to help me out today. Ma, as usual were in her domain - the kitchen, busy with the preparations of the afternoon feast. Maria, the hired house helped was helping her out. Ma maybe the best cook around, but she had absolutely no clue about the art of cleaning up. So, Maria had really been a great help even though Ma insisted that hiring Maria was a waste of money.

Fortunately, both women get along well and Maria was good company for Ma despite the age differences. Ma was in her early 50s while Maria was actually closer to my age, in the early 20s. But I definitely lacked the patience and gentleness qualities that Maria projected so well. Maybe that's why she gets along so well with Ma while I don't. I guess working in a garage, running around in jeans and tee shirts did not meet her idea of an average woman.

Da was up at the second floor, cleaning up the guestroom, preparing it for our guests. I knew that both of them are excited and look forward to the arrival. They should be happy. It's been five months since they last saw John after the honeymoon. Its high time they come for a visit. I'm sure both my parents greatly disapproved of my lack in interest in seeing my brother again, not helping out in the kitchen or at the guestroom, but out here, in the dirt under Old' Ben, our family trunk. But why should I? He took away the most precious thing in my live…and the most ironic truth was that, he didn't know that. How could he ever understand that by marrying, he ruined my live and took away my only chance of having happiness?

My senses peak up as they picked up the sound of new wheels coming into our yard, slowing to a stop. I caught the sound of two pairs of shoes alighting the car and knew that the guests had arrived. I heard Ma and Da hurrying out of the house, welcoming them. I stay completely still under the trunk and willed myself to disappear. I thought that I was prepared but I'm not. I felt my whole body tensed up as the sound of a familiar laughter reached my ears. The voices grew dimmer as the group moved into the kitchen. I hoped that my absence was not noticed but I knew that it was just my wistful thinking. I would get a scolding later on from Ma but I don't care. Anything to avoid them.

I continued to lay under Old' Ben not doing anything but just seeking a place to hide. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps that came to a stop in front of the trunk. I sighed in relieved as I recognized the perfume Maria used. "Hey, time for lunch, Rusty. Your brother's here."

I peeked out and caught sight of a blue silky material swaying slightly with the breeze. "I'll be right there." I answered.

"Huh ah…I'm not going anywhere until you come up. I have specific instructions." She laughs out loud.

Sighing, I climbed slowly out from under the trunk and jumped nimbly up, dusting my hands and the back of my jeans. A pair of hands joined the cleaning as the owner comments on the amount of dust and dirt. The innocent dusting abruptly changes to purposeful touching as Maria's hands moved all over my body, pressing her body closer. I tried to remain unaffected but when those fingers began bushing over my erected nipples, I lost control.

I grabbed her roughly and pushed her against the trunk. She quirked in surprise at the sudden movement. I pressed my body tightly against her and whispered closely into her ear, "You want to play?" I was more aroused when I heard her sharp intake of breath as I blow intimately into her ear. With one hand holding her secured, my other hand moved up her body and rested on her breast, rolling her hardened nipple between my fingers. She moaned loudly at the fonding.

"Kissed me…" She glowed. Without any hesitation, I brought my mouth down against hers, my tongue demanding entry, which she gave readily. God, she was the greatest kisser I ever had. I would have been glad to carry on the kissing into something deeper until she reminded me of the guests waiting for us to have lunch. At the mentioned of the person I desperately wanted to forget, my urged faded away. I stepped coldly away from her, running my hands over my dusty black short hair. I could see the question in her eyes as she felt my withdrawal. I chose to ignore it as I washed my face and hands with the water in the barrel placed at a corner.

"Come, let's go back." I said curtly as I turned and walked towards the inevitable meeting.

I walked into the room with Maria closed behind. Careful not the look at the spot where she was sitting, I turned to my brother and gave him a lukewarm greeting. As usual, he ignored my unfriendliness and reached over to give me a hug, patting me on my back, grinning brightly. I smiled briefly at him, not wanting to anger Ma any further. He's still my brother anyway. "Hey little sister, you look great! A little wet though." Ever, the joker. True enough, there were droplets of water on my face and hands, residue from the washing. I was prepared to wipe them off with the sleeves of my shirt when a handkerchief was trashed in my way.

I looked up at the hand holding the cloth, following the length up to the heartbreaking face smiling hopefully at me. My eyes narrowed as I clutched my jaw tightly. I turned hostility away, and began to wipe my face dry with my sleeve. From the corner of my eyes, I saw the arm drop as she stared at some spot on the table. Da frowned at my refuses while John ever the peaceful one pretend not to see the exchange. Unfortunately, Ma also witnessed the scene and decided not to let it passed so easily. After all, her daughter was brought up with manners.

"Young lady! What is wrong with you today? Apologize to your sister-in-law now!" she shouted angrily at me. I winced inwardly at the mentioned of that dreadful title. My eyes must have shown my pain as I saw her lowered her eyes as I turned at her. Ma interprets my silent as anger. Her anger flared as she moved swiftly forward and slapped me across the face. I jerked back and stare angrily at her. She was by my side immediately as the rest of my family was stunned into silent. I flinched noticeably when her fingers touched my redden side of the face. "Don't touched me!" I screamed at her as I ran out of the kitchen, out of the house, into the woods with tears running down my face.

I ran and ran until my exhausted body forces me to stop. I panted heavily as sweat ran down my face and neck soaking my white tee shirt. After I calm down considerately and my pulse slow down to its normal pace, I began to notice my environment. I was surprised to find myself at the Old Place, as I call it. It was just a small clearing in the woods with the view of the lake a small distance away. Even in my distress, my body automatically brought me back here, the place where I found my happiness so long ago. I was overwhelmed by the memories the place brought back so instantly, as if it was just yesterday. But it was so…so long ago. This was the first time I came back here in months. I couldn't bear the memories of her, my best friend and lover. Maybe someday, but not just within months of her marriage to my brother.

I walked over to my favorite tree that enables me to have a whole view of the lake, sluggishly leans against it before sliding down onto the ground. As I look out at the peacefulness of the lake, I saw the faithful day five years ago as if it was yesterday. I saw her walked shyly out from the shadow of the tree, smiling bashfully at me. Her face a shade of pale red, resulted from embarrassment.

"Now and forever…Ah! My foot! You are a fool, Rusty, to believe her." I roared.

"Don't say that." A strained quite voice cut through the air.

I spring up angrily and jerked around to face the woman I had loved. When my heart skipped a beat at looking at her tear streak eyes, I knew that I still love her despite what she had done. I despised myself for my weakness and let the anger roar.

"Oh? Then what should I say, honey…that I love you and believe you no matter what you did…or that I will wait for you until my darling brother kick his bucket and come running back to you when the time comes. What Tiny? What!" I snarled as my eyes burned with anger and hate. I smiled in pleasure as I saw her winced in pain at my cruel words.

I began moving closer to her spiting hate filled words out at her. "I was a fool. The biggest one. You probably jumped into bed with my brother the minute I turned my back huh? And I stupidly waited everyday for your letter. Ah…god you're a cunning one Katherine Madison." My eyes never left her face, wanting to see every flinched and winced, absorbing her pain, wanted it to wash mine away.

"No…please…Rusty, you hurting me…" she sobbed.

I grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and slammed her against a tree, pressing her back against the rough bark. "Don't you tell me about hurting, you bitch!" I hissed. Nearly out of control. "You have no idea, no idea at all. Leaving me was just no enough huh? No…it must be my brother, my own brother. What do you want to prove anyway huh? To remind me of this pain, this humiliation for the rest of my live? I must say you did a very good job…a beautiful piece of work." She was broken, crying shamelessly, tears running down her face.

Looking at her, I suddenly felt life draining out of my body as I realized the earth shattering truth. I had lost her. Completely…totally. No matter how much pain I inflicted on her, she will never be mine. She belongs to my brother now. My sister-in-law. I wanted to cry out loud at this ironic…this cruel twist of fate.

I released her and she fell lifelessly onto the ground, holding her head in her hands, body shaking resulted from the crying. I wanted so much to hold her, to protect her within my embrace…kissing her tears away. But instead, I stumbled clumsily backwards and fell onto the glass bed myself. We stayed like that, motionlessly for a long time, until her tears stopped, until I to calm down. It was so similar, the Old Place, the two of us…yet so different. The laughter had faded. The stories, singing gone. This place I loved so much, that once means so much to me, did not bring me peace and happiness any longer. This was the only place that anchored me to this town, this family. Now that it's gone, I had no reason to stay. It's time for me to go. I need to leave, to pick my life up and start off again.

"I…at least you can have children of your own now…you always love them and there are the only things I can't give you." I sigh deeply, looking up at the darkening sky.

"Oh…Rusty…I have no choice…wh…I …my father…I just can't…" she stammered helplessly.

A soft laugh escapes my throat. "You are always bad at explaining." The memories of our first meeting nearly choked me.

"Oh Rusty…I lov…"

"No!" I stopped her. Closing my eyes in pain I said, "Please don't say that. It's too late." I opened my eyes and look straight at her, "It's too late, Tiny." With that, I let lose the tears that I had so painfully held back. She sat back, defeated.

"Please go, I need to be alone." I looked away, not wanting to see her walked away from me again. Silently, she stood up unsteadily. I was always there to help her up, but it's different now. She had my brother to lean on now. "Goodbye Rusty." I heard her voice broke as the crying started. Then she turned and walked out of the Old Place, out of the woods and out my life.

Not long after that, I moved away as my relationship with Ma worsens. My brother decided to move back after all. He was always a mother's child. I do call once in a blue moon but other than that, I stay away, hoping to build my life again. The wound is still very raw.

I remembered the only time I called home and she picked up the phone. I went very still then promptly hang up. I don't think I will ever be ready to face her again. Sometimes as I laid on my bed at night, I still felt her breath gentle down my neck, whispering the words 'I love you'into my ear and however much I hated it, the tears still come. I don't believe in 'Now and Forever' any more and I wouldn't be saying those words to anyone in the future. It's too big a risk to take and I seriously think I wouldn't survive if something like that happen again.