I had long come in terms with my differences. It is always hard to be different. Acceptance had come only after a period of painful struggle and denial. I assure you, it was not an easy path. However, acceptance did not bring peace. I was still in pain. I so desperately wanted to be 'normal', to be the same.

The difference shone out so brightly, so strong, demanding to be let out, to be free. My pathetic battle against it was doom to fail from the very beginning. But I had to try. I cannot allow myself to give up to this devil so easily.

At one point during my teenage year, I was actually able to delude myself into believing that I had won the battle. But little did I know that this small victory had only happened to pull me deeper into the war. As the truth becomes clearer with each passing day, my defenses grew weaker and weaker. I hated myself for being weak, for giving in.

Oh… but temptation was everywhere and resistance was weak. But… I am also strong! I shall not give in! With impossible strength, I pushed my true feelings down, deep into the little hidden closet. With every thoughts of possible alienation, of disappointing my mother who work so hard to bring me up single-handedly, an iron nail was strike onto the closet door.

Perhaps the devil feels that this game had lasted for too long. Perhaps he grew bored. So he send a catalyst to send me to my doom. The messenger of the devil appears in the beautiful form of a woman. To this day I wonder. How could someone with such compassionate eyes, such enchanting smile that moved with such impossible grace, came from the other side? With every smile she granted to me, every touch she bestowed to me and every look she throw at me, the iron nails came off, one by one.

Finally, I was stripped naked, my leather and armor stripped off. I look into the mirror and I cannot deny it no more. The devil had won.

Relief sweep through me like the warm summer breeze. At long last I am free! It had been so clear! The truth and answer had always been here. Inside me. The fight now seems like a joke to me. How could I have fought against something that are so wonderful, that feel so right. This is me! The real me. Suddenly, the world is not dark and cold anymore.

I have come home, to my Lady.