Dear Girl in Fifth Grade,
We never claim to know all the answers, but our counselor believes we are really getting good at finding solutions to problems! We really look carefully for what students say and what we know about how we are...ourselves. We try to give the best advice that we would try for ourselves if we had your problem. Here is what we have to say.
You already know you get upset and argue. That probably means you are angry at that time. We listed our thoughts about you during our Peer Helper Meeting. Here is an example of how we think. Maybe you can learn to brainstorm problems and then pick out the things that seem to have meaning for you.
She may be putting her friends in danger as well as herself. She needs to consider that.
Maybe she starts some of the arguments and does not recognize that.
Maybe she is having trouble with problems at home and brings the feelings to school. If she is this way, then she may not know when she is starting an argument and then feels picked on.
HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS THAT YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?
When friends want to talk to you, maybe you are usually talkative but some days you are quiet when there is a lot on your mind.
Some people "talk ignorant" when they are having a bad day.
your voice may sound angry no matter what you are saying.
she may have a "just leave me alone" attitude. Some people just love to go after what they call, "attitude".
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS TO DO?
Practice things to say when you are in a good mood so that you have certain "lines" to say when you know you are having a bad day.
Use the parts of the "Five Step Plan" that are useful. In times of crisis we never want to walk away, but talk firmly and then get adult help to keep you feeling safe. This will also add power to you when/if others seem to be "ganging up" on you.
Never threaten back. Do not give a threat when you have been given a threat. We have learned that this is like riding an escalator. The anger level only goes one way -- up!!! Also, this never ends anything and could actually put you in danger.
Count to ten. If that doesn't work, count to twenty or fifty or one hundred or one thousand. Make the time you cool down count for something positive.
We hope you find some ideas that are useful to you. We enjoy helping you. In helping others we also help ourselves.
Good Luck,
The Peer Helpers
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