“I do actually have a test...It's on European socialism. I mean, really. What's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan to be European. So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.” -Matthew Brodrick's character in Ferris Bueler's Day Off
“If anybody needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. His roommate'll kill him. I've come close myself. But I like him. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon my French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond. And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it.” -Ferris Bueler again
“I went to New York University and I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” -Woody Allen
Waitress: Hi, what can I get ya? Harry: I'll have a number three. Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode. Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode. Sally: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real if it's out of a can then nothing. Waitress: Not even the pie? Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated. Waitress: Uh huh. -From When Harry Met Sally
"People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy--and I keep it in a jar on my desk." -Stephen King
"Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything." -Billy Graham
"No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while. And I like to dive around in my money like a porpise. And burrow through it like a gopher... And toss it up, and let it hit me on the head." -"Uncle" Scrooge McDuck
"But maybe it was meant to calm us down after two weeks of excitement. If so, it would have been better to have John Tesh come on and talk some more. The man beats sleeping pills." -Jerry Carroll
"I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now that I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
"What I tell kids is don't get mad (about censorship) get even. Rud, don't walk, to the first library you can find, and read what they're trying to keep out of your eyes. Read what they're trying to keep out of your brains. Because that's exactly what you need to know." -Stephen King
"The was I see it, if you want the rainbow you got to put up with the rain." -Dolly Parton
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my sould by making me hate him." -Booker T. Washington
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime." -Balzac
"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." -W.H. Auden
"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." -Plato
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find ways in which you yourself have altered." -Nelson Mandela
"My mother always told me I wouldn't abount to anything because I procrastinate. I said 'Just wait.' " -Judy Tenuta
"Why is it, I wonder, that anyone who displays superior athletic ability is an object of admiration to his classmates, while one who displays superior mental ability is an object of hatred?" -Isaac Asimov
"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia." -Woody Allen
"There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." —Joseph Brodsky
"Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime." —G. Gordon Liddy
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying." —Woody Allen
"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse." —Isaac Asimov
"Most people would rather die than think: many do." —Bertrand Russell
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." —Harriet Beecher Stowe
"A man isn't poor if he can still laugh." —Raymond Hitchcock
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." —Will Rogers
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." —Mark Twain
"Ninety percent of the game is half mental." —Yogi Berra
"You can observe a lot by watching." —Yogi Berra
"I have opinions of my own—strong opinions—but I don't always agree with them." —George Bush
"I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy." —J. Curtis McKay
"Solutions are not the answer." —Richard Nixon
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." —Dan Quayle
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." —Dan Quayle
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." —Dan Quayle
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." —Dan Quayle
"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest." —Kilgore Trout
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." —Ellen DeGeneres
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." —Brian W. Kernighan
"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?" —Stephen Wright
"There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say." —Cyril Connoly
"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me—I quit.' " —Bill Maher
"'Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!' And if you were my wife, I would drink it!" -Winston Churchill
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." -Mahatma Gandhi
"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." -Thomas Jefferson
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
"The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything." -Theodore Roosevelt
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -Mae West
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try.' " -Yoda
"Your friend is just mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. With all dead, there's usually only one thing you can do: go through their clothes and look for loose change." -Billy Crystal's character in "The Princess Bride"
"We turn not older with years, but newer every day." -Emily Dickenson
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." -Dorothy Parker
"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him." -Booker T. Washington
"We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them." -Evelyn Waugh
"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." -Mae West
"I were but little happy could I say as much." -Claudio,Much Ado About Nothing