Thomas Fillion

Shortly after graduating from his alma mater, "The University of Urban Failures," Wilbur Dobbs follows in the footsteps of Archimedes, the inventor of, among other things, the lever and Archimedes' Principle. This principle of physics states that a body immersed in fluid is bouyed up by a force equal to the weight of the displaced fluid.

The story takes place in Florida. It is the late 1970's, waterbeds are popular, so Wilbur takes a job as a flotation device mechanic for Dave and Margo Hamilton, the outrageous owners of The Dream Mechanic. Soon, Wilbur floats from waterbed setup to waterbed setup but not without mishap and mayhem. His only credo is the one axiom of twentieth century dream mechanic philosophy: whenever and wherever possible, try to balance twelve hundred pounds of water on extremely water-soluble, particle board supports.

He is introduced to his new craft by the Hamiltons' son-in-law, Abdul, a horny Lebanese, who pays more attention to his customers' physical endowments than the task at hand. Abdul and his bride soon leave the state because of some immigration irregularities involving multiple marriages.

Dave Hamilton is the unscrupulous but lovable co-owner of The Dream Mechanic. He has a knack for selling "clunkers." From his Lazyboy in the back office, between bites of cheese popcorn and puffs on his pipe, Dave spouts furniture philosophy gleaned over the years. One of his favorites is, "Nobody in their right mind would buy this clunker. That means there's a lot of prospects out there."

Margo, his wife, "a braless atheist," who marched for peace in the 1960's is the muscle behind her husband in the Lazyboy. It is the era when credit card interest and businesses that always lose money is fashionable and tax deductible. Margo has a wallet full of credit cards as long as Rapunzel's hair. The Dream Mechanic is only one of her losing businesses.

Unconventional as she is, she does keep her marijuana stored in Tupperware.

Penelope Lopez is the Hamiltons' assistant manager. She is still in college. She diets on carrot sticks and yogurt in hopes that her overweight boyfriend, Miguel, will marry her. He has a full-time job with benefits that make him especially attractive to her since she has none. In addition, he has found a profitable part-time enterprise: personal injury lawsuits.

Reminiscent of James Purdy's "Malcolm" and Sherwood Anderson's "Winesburg, Ohio," Wilbur Dobbs is taken in, fed, clothed, liquored, stoned, entertained, loved, hated, and abused by a variety people. These episodes are chronicled in memorable chapters such as : "The Freaks from Turkey Creek," "The Mother of Eight," "Yankee Go Home," "Salt of the Earth," "The Chandelier in the Shithouse," "The System is the Solution," "Reefer Grandma," "Dump Trucks and Romance Novels," "The Cracker Mafia," "We Are Family," and "The Naugahyde Lawyer," among others.

Woven into the story is Wilbur's meeting Celeste Stuart, the wife of a powerful lawyer, Arthur Stuart. After marrying her, Arthur maneuvered her inheritance into his own coffers. When Wilbur shows up to their three-story house one night, Celeste is immediately taken by his innocence. She confides to Wilbur that Arthur doesn't trust her with money. He only allows her to write checks out of a remodeling account which he controls.

The underlying theme of the story is Wilbur's education into what is real and what is fake. This is the same problem that prompted Archimedes centuries before Christ to discover his famous principle.

In the final chapter, "Sphere and Cylinder," Celeste Stuart, Wilbur and Archimedes are united in an unusual way.