It
is the beginning & fore-runner of the GOODNESS in life.
-
happiness, wealth, opportunity for the Noble 8-fold Path to manifest.
It
is a Supporting Condition for the GROWTH of Goodness.
( Ang. Nik. Book
1; the One thing which has the power to grow of goodness and wane of badness).
“
Good Companionship is the whole of the Holy life “ - Buddha to Ananda.
In
overcoming the 5 mental hindrance ( Ang. Nik book 5 ),
--
the 1st and most important is friendship.
·
A friend is not only to be found outside but also inside.
·
friendship is a slow growing process
-
not an overnight process, it need long term investment
Purpose
For
us to grow - mutually ( as we grow, they grow )
Improve
yourselves spiritually ( if you lack in ..., you grow in it )
- faith, generosity, virtue, knowledge, wisdom
- and not declining e.g. grow in info ( gossip )
Friendship
is irrespective of age, sex, race, etc.
Elements
of Kalyana
1.
Saddha ( faith )
·
confidence in moral, spiritual & intellectual
·
a person who are trustworthy, able to carry himself
·
he is able to inspire, motivate, give strength to others
2.
Sila ( virtue )
·
one who is upright in conduct, well in conduct, discipline
(
observe his 5 precepts )
·
he don’t has ulterior motive, don’t lie
·
he is able to console, advise others
3.
Caga ( charitable )
·
he is liberal, generosity without attachment
·
he don’t crave for his wealth,
·
practice charity - not only his pocket, but speech, time, effort, attention
...
4.
Panna ( knowledgeable )
·
he develop wisdom that leads to complete destruction of suffering and
achieve the ultimate goal - Nibbana.
Expectation
of a Good Friend
Duties
of a friend -- Sigalovada Sutta
protect
you when you are heedless
protect
your property when you are heedless
become a
refuge when you are in danger
do not forsake
you when in danger
considerate
towards your progeny ( descendent )
A
Real Friend
(
Warm-hearted friend ) -- Sigalovada Sutta
1.
a friend who help...
·
he guards the heedless ,· he protects his wealth
·
he becomes a refuge when he is afraid
when
an occasion arises he provides him with double the amount ( he need )
2.
a friend who shares the same weal and woe...
·
his secret he reveals to him · he conceals ( his friend’s ) secret
·
in misfortunes he does not forsake him
·
his life too he sacrifices for his good
3.
a friend who gives good counsel ...
he
dissuades him from doing evil, he persuades him to do good ( e.g. dana
)
·
he makes him hear what he has not heard
·
he points him the path to heaven
4.
a friend who sympathizes ...
·
he does not rejoice in his misfortune,
· he rejoices in his prosperity
·
he restrains one from speaking evil of him ( defend you )
·
he praises one who speaks good of him ( spread your goodness )
Who
is Not a Friend ?
‘
Not to associate with the fools, associate with the wise, and honour those
who are worthy of honour, This is the Highest Blessing. ‘---- Mangala Sutta
‘
The
vicious are dear to him, in the virtuous he finds nothing pleasing, he
favour the creeds of the vicious. This’ in the cause of one’s Downfall.’
---
Parabhava Sutta
‘
There is no benefit in associate with the fool ‘ -- Sutta Nipata
Enemies
in Disguise of a Friend
They
come in a very subtle way.
One
have to be strong to against it.
1.
he who associates for gain .... ( Taker )
·
he appropriates ( devote with intention ) his wealth
·
he expects much from little
· he does his duty when in fear
·
he associate for his own good
2.
he who render lips service .....( Talker )
·
he entertains with what is past
·
he entertains with what is future
·
he treats with what is profitless
·
when there is an immediate need he expresses his inability
(thunder but no rain)
3.
he who flatter ... ( Flatterer )
·
he consents to his evil deeds ( e.g. encourage him to kill.. )
·
he dissents from his good deeds
·
he praises him in his presence
·
he speaks ill of him to others in his absence ( sugar coating, rubbing
)
4.
he who bring ruins ... ( Spender )
he
is a companion when one ...
·
indulges in intoxication
·
saunters in streets at unseemly hour
·
frequents theatrical shows
·
indulges in gambling
A
Good Friend -- Visuddha Magga
1.
he is revered and dearly loved ..
·
cultured - untainted with madness of life, greed, anger, ..
2.
a counselor ( who speak well ) & a patient listener ..
·
his words is full of kindness, pleasant,...
3.
a speaker of discourse deep and profound ...
·
wisdom and knowledgeable, helpful, ...
·
it is easier to give a fish a day then to teach one how to fish
(
need time, patient, ..)
4.
he would not apply himself to useless end ...
·
manage his time constructively
A
Helpful Friend
1. goes
for refuge to the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha...
2.
he who knows the meaning “ this is ill ... “
3.
by destroying the asavas, free from it, attained the insight ...
How
to treat Friendship ?
1.
being generous ...
if
you have little, then give little
if
you have more, then give more
if
you have lots, then give much more
2.
courteous speech ...
weight
one’s words before spoken for words is like a china,
once
broken wouldn’t be the same anymore
even if we reassembled it with the best of glue.
3.
promoting his goods ...
4.
equality ...
5.
truthfulness ....
one
must earn the right to admonish / qualify to advise others ...
one
must speak with kindness, pleasant,... in his word.
Who
is your Friend ?
Y O U must
be the first most important friend,
and with the
joy overflowing, other may then only be able to shared with you.
