The Lemon Wonkomatic Storyteller
Woohoo! Now everybody can write their own Singing Lemon story!
Simply click on the lovely menu options below and you'll
generate a fabulous Singing Lemon story that is unique in the
entire universe. Don't delay! Try it today!
The End
And there we go! Your very own Singing Lemon story!
Just hit the submit button and it will get emailed to me! And if I
can be bothered I will post your story onto this page! In the
specially reserved space below. :)
Note added Aug 2003: The ''Submit'' button has
been suspended for the time being - this web page just simply can't cope
with so many incredible stories!
Specially Reserved Space
Hooray, somebody actually did it and submitted a story! This one has been written
by Clarkytwo! A new chapter has begun in the history of the world today (28 Oct 2001)
by this historic development, and it will forever be headed by the name Clarkytwo!
All hail Clarkytwo! And here's the story:
Singing of Cabbages written by clarkytwo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hrun the Barbarian and five thousands lizards are slapping each other but the problem
is it's Tuesday. Meanwhile, in Oslo, Hank and Randy are eating leftover yak's
cheese. Suddenly, a very large moose called Kevin explodes, forcing everyone into a
nearby hedge. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and fiddles with itself,
while a small frog has a religious vision concerning cabbages. Fortunately, the
problem can be solved simply by sending in a crack squad of baked beans. This means
of course, that the other problem, relating to the fact that there is no problem can
be solved simply by everybody having sex. As the story ends, everybody takes all
their clothes off.
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Hurrah! Story number 2! (20 Nov). This story was written by Eggjon!
He has submitted a rather sick, twisted and nightmarish story, and frankly
it all looks rather depraved, but I shall let it pass anyway.
Warning! The following story contains scenes of extreme violence and graphic
content.
Visions of Passion written by Eggjon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A giant spoon and a bowl of cheese are getting married but the problem is it's raining
green slime. Meanwhile, up a tree, Olaf and Myrtle are feeling each other. Suddenly,
a nearby shrubbery starts shooting porridge at them, forcing everyone down a nearby
rabbit hole. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and fiddles with itself, while
a small frog tries to french kiss it. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply
if everybody has sex. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to a
chronic lack of birth control can be solved simply by not telling anyone. As the
story ends, everybody tickles each other with an egg whisk.
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Goodness me, here's story number 3! (26 Nov). Submitted by Gurudo! Now this
is a much better story. A wonderfully inspiring tale of hope, joy and adventure.
In fact, I think I can rightly say that there never has been nor there ever will be a
better story than this. Read it and weep tears of joy.
Bedtime and Sausages written by Gurudo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Singing Lemon and a pink fish are trying to fly but the problem is it's Tuesday.
Meanwhile, in the woods, Olaf and Fatima are having sex. Suddenly, a nearby shrubbery
starts oozing cheese, forcing everyone to strip down to their frilly underwear.
Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and attempts to climb Mount Kilimanjaro,
while a small frog tries to french kiss it. Fortunately, the problem can be solved
simply if everybody has sex. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to
the fact that there is no problem can be solved simply by everybody having sex.
As the story ends, everybody takes all their clothes off.
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Eeek! Just a few minutes later, and along comes story number 4! (26 Nov). From
Lalaha! And it is no wonder that she is known as the Queen of Passion. This is a
tender and heart-rending examination of the love and passion between two individuals
torn apart by the eternal conflict of the Gods.
Musings of Your Nose written by Lalaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Hasslehoff and your sister are having sex but the problem is their buttocks
really itch. Meanwhile, on a small badger, Willy and Chastity are having a farting
contest. Suddenly, a large blob thing explodes, forcing everyone to scratch themselves.
Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and sneezes chocolate all over the place,
while a small frog spanks everyone with celery. Fortunately, the problem can be solved
simply through the use of an anal spatula. This means of course, that the other problem,
relating to a chronic lack of birth control can be solved simply by everybody having sex.
As the story ends, everybody takes all their clothes off.
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Ah ha! After a 5 month hiatus, here is a new story, written by Cept! (30 Apr 2002).
Maybe I would have got a few more if my stupid junk mail filter hadn't been
deleting these. :) I mean does this look like junk mail to you?! This story by
Cept is fantastic! Who wouldn't want this story to appear in their mailbox! I
especially like the bit about the turnip.
Singing with Lemons written by Cept
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Singing Lemon and the planet Spleem are eating cheese but the problem is they have
lost their socks. Meanwhile, in another galaxy, Igor and Brunhild are growing potatoes
in Finland. Suddenly, the President of Iceland starts oozing cheese, forcing everyone
to yawn a few times. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and sings womble songs,
while a small frog declares that it is not easy being green. Fortunately, the problem
can be solved simply by hoping that it will all go away. This means of course, that the
other problem, relating to the universe suddenly ending can be solved simply by not
telling anyone. As the story ends, everybody cheers with joy at such a great story.
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Wahay! Here is another story! (13 Jun). This one was written by Kuririn! The
remarkable thing about this story is how in terms of stylistic content and underlying
metaphor it is just like the one posted by Gurudo. They could almost be the same
person!!! Anyway, here's the story:
Remember with Your Nose written by Kuririn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A giant spoon and a bowl of cheese are eating cheese but the problem is they have a
bad nose disease. Meanwhile, on a small badger, Igor and Olga are eating leftover
yak's cheese. Suddenly, a shimmering vortex of light starts oozing cheese, forcing
everyone to start an orgy in a wardrobe. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and
begins to bellydance at high speed, while a small frog urinates beams of ethereal light.
Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by sending in a crack squad of baked
beans. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to Aunt Patricia turning
up unannounced can be solved simply by throwing up, twice. As the story ends,
everybody tickles each other with an egg whisk.
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Woohoo! Here is story number seven! (1 Aug). I wouldn't normally allow someone
to post a story twice, but the change between Eggjon's previous attempt and this one
is remarkable. He has perfectly encapsulated the conflict between the horror of
existence weighed against the agony of non-being. This story is emotionally draining
and you may need to cry for a while after reading this - you have been warned.
Visions and Your Nose written by Eggjon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Hasslehoff and King Bob of Poom are trying to fly but the problem is their
buttocks really itch. Meanwhile, up a tree, Igor and Olga are pondering the meaning of
life. Suddenly, the President of Iceland announces that he's a lesbian, forcing
everyone to strip down to their frilly underwear. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon
appears and strikes up a conversation about treacle, while a small frog gives everyone
a nose massage. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by farting really loudly.
This means of course, that the other problem, relating to the universe suddenly ending
can be solved simply by throwing up, twice. As the story ends, everybody discusses how
great singing lemons are.
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Yay! Yet another story (24 Nov). This one was created by Chris. This is
a dark, gothic horror story full of ghosts and ghoulies. Definitely not the sort
of thing you would want to read on a dark stormy night. Wrap up warm with a nice
cup of cocoa when you read this one, and remember, you might want to leave that
light on tonight.
Visions for Your Nose written by chris
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A giant spoon and your sister are having a farting contest but the problem is their
buttocks really itch. Meanwhile, in Oslo Archibald and Randy are eating leftover yak's
cheese. Suddenly, a nearby shrubbery starts oozing cheese forcing everyone to go wibble,
wibble, wibble. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and fiddles with itself while
a small frog has a religious vision concerning cabbages. Fortunately, the problem can
be solved simply by applying denture fixative cream. This means of course, that the
other problem, relating to a chronic lack of birth control can be solved simply by
putting everything into a small box. As the story ends, everybody washes their
underpants. Again.
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Wheeee! Yet another story (28 Nov). What a lovely chocolately syrup of a
story this is! Full of the finest cocoa beans, with lots sugar and milk, and
topped off with the finest celery. It makes your mouth water just thinking
about this story. Go on, go and eat something. Why not eat that chair you
are sitting on? You know you want to.
Musings by Lemons written by joseph "rind'o'matic" parkin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Burping Armadillo and five thousands lizards are having sex but the problem is
their buttocks really itch. Meanwhile, on a small badger Archibald and Fatima are
cutting their toenails with a chainsaw. Suddenly, David Hasslehoff explodes forcing
everyone to strip down to their frilly underwear. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon
appears and begins to bellydance at high speed while a small frog expands to a gigantic
size. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply through the use of an anal spatula.
This means of course, that the other problem, relating to that runaway octopus over there
can be solved simply by putting everything into a small box. As the story ends, everybody
moos with delight for half an hour.
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Ack! A second story on the same day! (28 Nov). This is a pure and innocent story.
Like the first bloom of snowdrops poking out through the virginal snows of spring.
Or the kiss of a lily onto the cheek of a little frog. Oh wait, I'm looking at the
wrong tale, instead this story is a bawdy tale of lust and passion set in a steamy
tropical paradise somewhere near the North Pole.
Time for Your Nose written by Maybe Master
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hrun the Barbarian and a five-headed demon are having a farting contest but the problem
is they have lost their socks. Meanwhile, in the woods Horace and Chastity are
manufacturing plutonium. Suddenly, David Hasslehoff announces that he's a lesbian
forcing everyone to dive into The Pit of Bottomless Despair. Naturally enough, a Singing
Lemon appears and fiddles with itself while a small frog urinates beams of ethereal
light. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply if everybody has sex. This means of
course, that the other problem, relating to Aunt Patricia turning up unannounced can be
solved simply by everybody having sex. As the story ends, everybody takes all their
clothes off.
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Hooray! This is story number - ooh heck, I'm losing count - 11, I think. (29 Jan 2003).
This one was written by Lemon Love Child, which is a good sensible name if you
want my opinion. It took me nine days to post this story on this webpage, but
that's because I was awe-struck for a whole week by its awe-inspiring beauty.
I couldn't move for days! Really!!!
Tea and Lemons written by Lemon Love Child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Singing Lemon and Zerp the Chosen One are trying to fly but the problem is they have
lost their socks. Meanwhile, on a small badger. Archibald and Prudence are eating
leftover yak's cheese. Suddenly, a very large moose called Kevin burps slightly,
forcing everyone to go wibble, wibble, wibble. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon
appears and begins to bellydance at high speed while a small frog spanks everyone with
celery. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by applying denture fixative
cream. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to Aunt Patricia turning
up unannounced can be solved simply by putting everything into a small box. As the
story ends, everybody moos with delight for half an hour.
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Oh Wow! Yet another fantastic story (9 Feb 2003). This one was sent in by
Punkernoodle. What amazes me about these stories is that they are all so
incredibly different. How can one little Wonkomatic Storyteller tell so many
differing stories!!?? This story is good because it really defines what life must
be like for a penguin.
Visions of Pickled Newts written by Punkernoodle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gorgaroth the Destroyer and a bowl of cheese are having sex but the problem is it's
Tuesday. Meanwhile, on a small badger Archibald and Randy are having sex. Suddenly, a
nearby shrubbery explodes forcing everyone to start an orgy in a wardrobe. Naturally
enough, a Singing Lemon appears and fiddles with itself while a small frog spanks
everyone with celery. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply if everybody has
sex. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to the universe suddenly
ending can be solved simply by everybody having sex. As the story ends, everybody
washes their underpants. Again.
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Phew! Right now where am I? I've just been through a time-tunnel-vortex
where I travelled back in time to May 2003, whereupon I discovered this
incredible story by Serr. The precise story of how I came to travel back in
time and receive this story is all a bit complicated, but let's just say it
involved a farting moose.
Time and Lemons written by Serr
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The President of Iceland and a five-headed demon are washing underpants but the
problem is they have lost their socks. Meanwhile, on a gigantic cloud, Cuthbert
and Brunhild are washing underpants. Suddenly, a nearby shrubbery bounces up and
down forcing everyone to strip down to their frilly underwear. Naturally enough,
a Singing Lemon appears and sneezes chocolate all over the place while a small
frog ribbits a few times. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by rubbing
cowpats into everyones hair. This means of course, that the other problem, relating
to there not being enough toilet paper can be solved simply by ending this stupid
story here. As the story ends, everybody washes their underpants. Again.
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In fact, here is a story about a farting moose! (June 2003) (See the previous story
for more about this). How could Enkeldor, Son of Winkydor manage to get inside
the mind of a farting moose and define what a farting moose is all about!?!
Bedtime of Passion written by Enkeldor, Son of Winkydor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Hasslehoff and your sister are slapping each other but the problem is they
have lost their socks. Meanwhile, in Oslo, Igor and Olga are pondering the meaning
of life. Suddenly, a very large moose called Kevin announces that he's a lesbian
forcing everyone to strip down to their frilly underwear. Naturally enough, a
Singing Lemon appears and begins to bellydance at high speed while a small frog
gives everyone a nose massage. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by
applying denture fixative cream. This means of course, that the other problem,
relating to a chronic lack of birth control can be solved simply by lying back and
enjoying it. As the story ends, everybody moos with delight for half an hour.
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Right here we go, it's July 2003 and this is final story for now on this
page. This one was written by Cory! It's just as well that this is the
last story, I don't think this webpage can take any more stories like this!
It's incredible! Watch out that your computer doesn't explode or something!
Time of Time written by Cory
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A giant spoon and your sister are having sex but the problem is they're too short.
Meanwhile, in the woods Willy and Prudence are having sex. Suddenly, the President
of Iceland announces that he's a lesbian forcing everyone to strip down to their
frilly underwear. Naturally enough, a Singing Lemon appears and fiddles with itself
while a small frog spanks everyone with celery. Fortunately, the problem can be solved
simply if everybody has sex. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to
Aunt Patricia turning up unannounced can be solved simply by everybody having sex. As
the story ends, everybody washes their underpants. Again.
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