Introduction to the Author:

Molly Walker

My name is Molly Walker, as you might have figured out by the title. I am beautiful. I am perfect. I spend a lot of time thinking about myself, and I have come to this conclusion. I always do everything right, and I never make mistakes. I know everything about everything, so I really have very little to gain from people. I find that most people are just incredibly stupid. I want to major in psychology because I want to know what is wrong with everyone else.

My family pretty much sucks. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters, none of whom I am fully related to. I've had 4 fathers so far, and they've all pretty much sucked too. My mom is alright, though. We get along well, and have for the majority of my life. Oh, yaa, I have 11 nieces and nephews. Their names are: Tessica, Tommy, Lauren, Noah, Aaron, Adam, Jennifer, Scott, Mike, Cody, and Andrew. Only 3 of my brothers and sisters have had children so far. Buying Christmas gifts suck. But I never really see any of my family, anyway, so I can get away with not buying them stuff. Let's see, I have two aunts, and I used to have 3, but one of them died in a car accident before I was born. I have 7 cousins. Their names are: Jeff, Jerica, Mya, April, Mindy, Amber, and Monica. Monica is only 2 years older than me, and she is stationed in Germany with the army. I guess you don't really need to know much more about my family, but there are a few interesting things I could mention. My aunt was an airline stewardess and a Playboy bunny, and my sister was a stripper. One of my brothers has been getting into trouble since Kindergarten, when he brought a knife to school. Just before last Christmas, he got stabbed in the neck with a serrated kitchen knife, and his windpipe was severed. He's alright now, though. My other older brother has had a colorful history too, but he might not want me to share that stuff, so I won't. My little step brother is the anti-christ in training, but he doesn't really bother me anymore...but I won't go into that either. My oldest sister married a rich man and lives a nice, comfy life. My step sister is nice, but she's about as deep as a frisbee. Okay, I'm done with the family thing now.

I can pretty much epitimize my life in one word: Prozac. Yes, the happy pill. My life has been so disfunctional that I am quite familiar with that drug. Along with many other drugs, but some of that might be incriminating, so I won't go into it. Right now I have just about every type of perscription drug there is, and a good sized collection of Over The Counter drugs, too. My ever stressful life has left me with a poor immune system. I've been thinking about going to medical school so I can prescribe drugs. I think I'm walking on dangerous ground now, so I'll leave the rest of this topic alone.

I think that the event in my life that has had the most profound effect on me would have to be the time I smoked my first cigarette. It was mt 13th birthday party, and I got it from a girl I was later forbidden to talk to. I think she was forbidden to talk to me too. Isn't that ironic? Anyway, it marked my introduction into the wide world of addictions. I've thought about quitting, but, hey, when you're good at something, why quit? It's not in my nature to be a quitter.

I've had an eventful life thus far. As I was writing, I discovered that it's really been quite depressing. It really is amazing that I turned out so perfect. A lesser person would be sleeping in a gutter somewhere, but, luckily, I have been blessed with a superior intellect, and have done well for myself. I may sound arrogant, but that is mearly because I have the capacity to do so. Well, I think I'll go have a cigarette now. I hope you have enjoyed learning about me. After all, most people do.

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