Invertebrates in the Media: A Review
As an invertebrate zoologist in training, one of my more stupid and pointless hobbies is paying special attention to invertebrates when they pop up in the popular media. Let's face it -- being good self-absorbed navel-gazers, we humans tend to focus on humans first, then other mammals like doggies, kitties or dolphins. My dream would be to see the cutesy dolphin in "Flipper" replaced with a cold and slimy (but very friendly) giant octopus. Just for a few episodes. You get the point. Invertebrates generally don't get a lot of press, so it's easy to notice when they do. I'd like to use this space to highlight recent appearances of invertebrates on network TV, syndicated newspaper items and movies, in particular. Before we begin, you should realize that you must try to suspend your disbelief to some extent when discussing invertebrate depictions. I know some scientists who refuse to watch science-fiction shows because of their glaring inaccuracies. They need to chill. Don't be like them.
Two of the best places for invert ("invertebrates" is no good for common speaking) sightings are the Fox Network and Gary Larson's "The Far Side" -- both generally considered to be among the most demented and perverse exemplars of their respective universes. On Fox, "The X-Files" and "Sliders" have been veritable showcases for invert talent, with a liberal dose of taxonomy and evolutionary biology to boot (also favorites of mine). When I first heard Quinn Mallory identify a malevolent beast dwelling in a beach as a giant nemertean on an episode of "Sliders" a couple of months ago. I cheered, and I almost wept. Nemerteans, also called "proboscis worms", are fairly flat, slippery, primarily marine worms that feed on a variety of small critters. They capture their prey by firing a long, thin sticky proboscis (often tipped with a poisonous spine) out of their forehead or mouth. I am not making this up. Of course, he was wrong (a REAL giant nemertean would've been much scarier than the thing they had), but he should get ten bonus points for the attempt. Another recent episode included a genetically-engineered giant scarab beetle. I'm not a physiologist by any stretch, but I think the exoskeleton of such a beast would be immensely heavy, and it would be really difficult for the beast to get enough oxygen (due to a peculiarity of the insect respiratory system, which is pretty different from that of a vertebrate). So a giant scarab is probably a physiological impossibility, but it was still pretty nifty (suspend your disbelief, suspend your disbelief...).
And then there's "The X-Files". "Return of the Coprophages" -- an episode all about cockroaches. A spoof episode, sure, but any network show aired in prime time where cockroaches play a major role deserves kudos. What about the famous "Fluke Man"? Feasibility arguments aside, of course, any show with several shots of giant planarian-looking things slithering down bathtub drains should get some sort of award, IMHO. Cris Carter has guts.
An interesting (I hope) aside...I contend that every extraterrestrial animal seen in any science-fiction series is, by one definition, an invertebrate. This includes everything from the giant jellyfish in "Encounter at Farpoint" (the inaugural "Star Trek: The Next Generation" episode) to Chewbacca. If one defines invertebrates as "lacking a spine", this isn't true. But, if invertebrates are defined by not being members of the group Vertebrata (an animal group of Earth origin)...Yoda and the rest are invertebrates. My significant other and I still debate this one. See how many issues come up when you start thinking about these things?
Last year's television Event of the Year (according to NBC) was the two-part movie "The Beast", based on a Peter Benchley novel about a giant squid that ravages Bermuda. It was actually pretty good, fun, and not absurdly inaccurate, until they invoked motherly feelings in the "Beast". Ouch. Nose dive. Cephalopods...how can I put this delicately...well, squid need lots of fuel, and one of the main components of a squid's diet is other squid of the same species. If Momma Squid had run into one of her adolescent offspring, she might've had him for lunch. But, hey, two full evenings of squid is a good start, right (suspend...SUSPEND...)?
Gary Larson has paid such homage to invertebrates that several invertebrate taxonomists have named new species after him. One of Larson's favorite subjects is the giant squid (big bonus), but he also likes cnidarians (like jellyfish), various insects and spiders, tapeworms, and others. I'll spare you any "O.K., there was a guy in an apartment, and there was a giant squid over in the corner, and the caption read..." summaries but, suffice it to say, the man deserves immense praise.
I am ashamed to admit that I didn't make it to the theater to see the recent movie "Microcosmos", which received great reviews and was said to feature several invertebrates (as well as overlooked vertebrates). I suck. I tried to go. I really did. I hope to catch it on video. As far as other cinematic events involving inverts...there isn't much, as far as I can recall, except for 50's classic sci-fi gems involving giant insects and so forth. But Disney's "The Little Mermaid" does cast a crustacean (Sebastian the Crab) in a key supporting role. Very nice.
This is just the tip of the invertebrate iceberg. I'm looking for other mentions of inverts in the popular media, and, to this end, I would like to make an announcement. In an effort to raise awareness and appreciation of invertebrates, I hereby announce the official establishment of the National Organization to Seek out and Promote Invertebrate News Events (NOSPINE) (if you can provide a cooler acronym, let me know). If you're interested, drop me an e-mail at feaeap@ibm.net. There will be no financial obligation. You can visit the new NOSPINE website by clicking here. All I hope to do is gather interesting stories, photos, quotes, etc. regarding invertebrates, and perhaps establish some sort of rating system regarding accuracy of the item, creativity, etc. All you would have to do as a member is stay alert for invert items of any kind in the popular media and submit your findings to the Society. And, of course, you will be expected to defend the inherent greatness of invertebrate animals in all arenas and social situations. They cannot speak for themselves. We must speak on their behalf. Join us.