thoughts

stop whining. there's people out there who have it much worse than you do. - oct 14 1997

before i get started, why do people always say 'i'm not [racist / homophobic / trying to push my religion on you / etc], but...' immediately before saying something that proves otherwise? i think it's funny. it's like they're in denial. anyway, i think that the whole concept of people bitching about being 'oppressed by the man' is fucking stupid. and i should know, i'm the man. don't tell me you're being oppressed because the security guard eyes you suspiciously. at least he's not shooting you. the irish have a right to complain. tibetans have a right to complain. south africans have a right to complain. but if some shit went down hundreds of years ago, what fucking good does it do to bitch about how bad your ancestors got screwed? get off your ass and stop the same thing from happening to someone else. and don't blame the shit on me, i can't even trace my damn family tree back past my grandfathers.

cops are cool. - oct 12 1997

you know, being an angst-filled subversive, i could lose a lot of face for saying this. but i thing it's pretty damn cool that a police dog is considered to be a police officer. now, if only they could get a pension...

transcendence is for the weak - 10 august 1997

today, i was thinking about why life sucks so bad. i figured it out. (please, hold your applause until the end of the show) it's cuz the spirit's desires so very rarely coincide with the realities of life. the striving of the spirit against the winds of the world causes friction. this friction is what makes you miserable, what makes you dread getting out of bed some days. that's why so many religions and philosophies seek to rise above this world, to get beyond the winds of change. in case you haven't noticed, there haven't been too many people who have pulled this off. but, i have another solution - don't fight the winds and dust. join them. seek accordance and harmony in the world, and you'll find things fall into place a bit more often than usual. i'm not saying your life will be a cakewalk, i'm just saying you won't care so much when it's not.

suicide sucks - june 30 1997

suicide is one of my really sore points. it's such a coward's way out. and yeah, you can play it off, with nonsense like 'i'm not scared of death'... but i'm not scared of death either. but i'll tell you this much - when my time comes, i'm going out fighting, kicking and spitting blood. not on my knees with razor-blade slashes on my wrists, a tear in my eye, and a sob in my throat. me, personally - i wouldn't wanna go out like that.

five good things - june 24 1997

  1. remembered to update this today
  2. got to sleep in an hour late
  3. someone bought me lunch today
  4. have managed to stay awake thus far today
  5. have had several realizations about taoism

five good things - june 21 1997

  1. awesome thunderstorm
  2. jamie and i had a real good talk
  3. cold pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. :)
  4. painted most of my model Do-17, looks real good
  5. found my 'wu-tang forever' cd, which i feared i had mislocated

five good things - june 20 1997

  1. jamie sent me an e-postcard
  2. no work today
  3. slept until noon
  4. pizza on the way RIGHT THIS MINUTE
  5. weather is still behaving

five good things - june 19 1997

  1. jamie sent me some pictures today! woowoo!
  2. last day of work this week!
  3. helped someone who was having trouble last night
  4. nice weather again
  5. fig nextons for breakfast again

five good things - june 18 1997

  1. jamie loves me
  2. new onion today! woo woo!
  3. it's a nice day
  4. fig newtons for breakfast again
  5. caught a nice nap at work

five good things - june 17 1997

  1. jamie was sad last night, and i cheered her up
  2. i had fig newtons and surge for breakfast
  3. i think my page looks a lot better after reformatting it
  4. i have a way with words
  5. i'm only annoying if you don't know me
damn, this is going to be hard. hopefully, future installments will be better.

please think - june 16 1997

How much would you pay for another year?
Another month?
Another DAY?

Of life, of love, of sun, of friends

So why do you keep trading in your days for dollars?
Trade your days for knowledge, experience, understanding, sensation
Give it all up. You may live poorly,
But at least you won’t have to work to do it.

moshing is stupid - may 27 1997

i went to a radio festival (pointfest 8) yesterday, and despite the rain had a pretty good time. i did a lot of thinking. i'm sick of moshing. it's not fun anymore. firstly, people are moshing to everything. that's just dumb. why on earth would someone feel the need to mosh to beck's where it's at? i don't get it. secondly, it's not about having fun anymore. back in the day, moshing was about pogoing around, crashing into people, and generally enjoying yourself. last time i ventured into a pit (last week, pointfest 7, the band was AFI), something popped me in my nose. i shrugged it off, as these things happen. then, i get busted in the beak a second time, and begin to wonder what's up. after the third time, i see some little bastard drawing back to pop me again. so i grab his arm, with the intention of stopping him from hitting other people. he managed to weasel out and disappear into the crowd. the whole incident has me totally stumped. i mean, if it was an accident, cool, i have no problem with it. if it was someone who, for some reason, hated me, i can deal with that, too. but to smash a total stranger in the face, for no reason, is stupid. that's why i don't mosh anymore. it's too much bullshit. it's too many kids who watch too much mtv.

another failure- may 27 1997

at said radio festival, as i was patrolling around while some weak band played, i saw this girl sitting on a curb, looking totally bummed. i shrugged it off, ya know, people have problems sometimes. 15 minutes later, as i came by again, she was still there. i felt a little pang somewhere inside, but kept walking. next circuit, she was still there. i wanted to go sit down next to her and ask her what was wrong. i wanted to try to easy whatever misery it was that could make someone sit on a curb for over an hour in the rain. but i didn't. i wonder why. it wouldn't have been a huge effort on my part, and it could have really helped. maybe she was just lonely. if there is one thing i hate about myself, it's my tendancy to be complacent. all too often, i simply do not react to my surroundings. i feel so cold and stagnant inside sometimes. i wonder if other people feel like this, too.
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