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{ June 24, '98 }
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My real journal
I miss my real journal
Let me explain. I have kept a journal on paper since I was 14 (Wow! That's 7 years). It is strictly a spiritual journal. Every day I write my prayers, favorite verses, revelations, songs, plans, or anything related with my faith on it. A lot of my old journals have political science, algebra or calculus notes on them; every semester I'd take my old notebooks, find the ones that had the most empty pages, and recycle them as journals.
Every day I would draw a square within a square, with a squiggly line inside the inner square (don't ask me why), and then an Icthus (a fish, like this one: ><>) with a cross through it. Before breakfast I'd label the date in English or Spanish-whatever language I dreamed in that night I suppose, and begin to write: My Lord, …
I cannot share here all the things I tell him there. In those journals are my most frustrating moments, when I've asked God to kill me instead of letting me live the slave of a particular fear or problem. Also recorded are my happiest moments, moments in which Heaven was closest to my emotions. And, my favorite moments, the ones most worthy of being recorded are the everyday hopeful entries. With 'everyday hopeful' I mean times in which things do go wrong, but I refuse to worship circumstance, and turn to worship God instead.
I miss my real journal because I have been waiting for a month or so to recieve beautiful new notebook to write in. A friend at church gave it to me. Its pages are soft and moderately thick, Their color and texture is reminiscent of old scrolls. I already started writing on it, but foolishly, I left it behind in my cousin's house in Tennessee after graduation. He will send it to me with my college textbooks this week, but they won't arrive in Honduras for at least a month! Misery!
I've convinced myself. Right now I'll go and buy a cheap new notebook, like the ones I used when I was in High School and miss my real journal no more. In Honduran Spanish slang: "A'i nos vemos" (I'll see 'ya [somewhere]).
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