But thanks to skilled surgeon, a blender and two potent prescriptions (go pharmacy!), she is rolling along the road to recovery.Jeffy, having extensive experience in the dental surgery department, was of great help to the novacained Monica. PCA pump - ask for it by name, says Jeffy. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's a pleasant little device that allows you, the patient, decide how much morphine you get. Isn't technology great? He knows about this through the many experiences he's had with dentists from all over the state. Most of his dental visits can be traced back to one ill-advised decision that he made when he was 13 years old.
When riding your flimsy, little Huffy down a steep hill, resist the urge to take your hands off the handle-bars. You never know where there may be a patch of sand just waiting to claim two front teeth.Ah, but hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?
But the drooling, blood, numbness and horrific sounds are really quite minor inconviences in the overall trip. Perhaps the worst thing about going to the dentist is that you have no time to check your email. And you'd think that if they're going to make you wait two hours in the waiting room (and they do know that if your appointment is at 2, you're not getting into the chair until 4, with another half-hour until the dentist strolls into the room), well, you would think that they would give you a just a few good magazines to help pass the time. Of course, they do have People, Time, and Working Woman fanned out in super-neat little rows, along with one Sports Illustrated from 1973 (and it's not even the Swimsuit Issue), but all we're asking for is a little quality reading material.
Where is the National Inquirer, Star and Weekly World News? There should at least be a TV in there, showing Springer 24 hours a day, or, even better, a VCR running Springer's "Too Hot For Television." How about a Nintendo? Or a chocolate bar vending machine? A fully-equipped bar? The least they could do is let us smoke!Once you finally make it to the chair, don't you just love how the cool dentists tools are just there taunting you? Take, for example, the one that, if you press the yellow button, it shoots air, and if you press the blue one, water streams out. We suggest that you use this to your advantage. This is the perfect time to get a little payback for the two-and-a-half Springerless hours you just missed while waiting for the dentist to make time for you. Picture this situation: It's just you and your AK-47 water pik. It's high noon and there's trouble a-brewin'. You turn, poised in your chair, finger on the blue trigger, just waiting. In the background, you hear the theme to The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. (Is this unusual?)
Of course, you can't just jump right into a showdown without some target practice. Take some shots at the model of the mouth that's in the far corner, then move on to a moving target: the hygienist. Only after you've mastered the skills can you move on to the real prize: Dr. Smiles. We suggest that you give him a drenching thorough enough so that when he gets home later that day, he has to explain to his wife how he got a spot on his brand new shirt.
The word finally came in from the governor, thanks to quick negotiating skills, that you've been granted a pardon and excused from the chair, on the one condition that you obey the dentist's one command: check your email. As for us, what are we going to do now that the surgery has been completed successfully, Monica? The same thing we do for every surgery, Jeffy! Try to take over the world!
