Simple solutions for back-to-school boredom
run in
The Daily CampusFeb. 3, 1998
Hellooooo, UConn!
So, we're back from break (okay, so we've been back from break for a couple of weeks
now, but this is our first article, so just use your imagination.) Let us offer you
all a very sincere, if belated, holiday greetings (in alphabetical order, so that no
one will be offended.) Here we go: Happy Anniversary, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,
Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Martin Luther King's birthday, Happy Martin Luther King's birthday
(observed), Happy New Year, (more importantly - Happy New Year's Eve), Happy Three King's
Day, and for all you overlooked atheists out there, Happy Winter Solstice. Whew. We
hope you're all "happy" and that we haven't forgotten anyone. If we have, well, get a
real holiday and then you'll feel included.
So, break is over, along with its plethora of holidays and parties and feastings and
celebrations and televised parades and talk-show filled mornings, and best of all,
examlessness. But, this has left you sitting meekly in your dorm room, drumming your
fingers and wondering what, oh what, can I do? Well, We've got a solution for your
renewed Storrs boredom. From our satellite office in Vundegartoroirgonbergon, Sweden,
comes Monica and Jeffy's Top Five List of things to do upon returning to campus - drum
roll, please. (This is where Paul Schafer would make some pointless comment, but he's
not here, so we'll have to rely on Jeffy's roommate for the senseless chatter.)
As we were saying....
5. Move your car off the lawn. Hmmm, on second thought, never mind, you'll get a ticket
no matter where you park, even if you CAN find a parking space.
4. Get a bite to eat at your dorm cafeteria. Now that classes have started, you can finally
live here and eat here, too.
3.14159 Stock up on Pepto-Bismol. (see number 4)
3. Unpack. Nah, you have all semester for that.
2. Work out in the field house. If, that is, you find a free machine in between all the New
Year's resolutions and spring break deposits.
1. Check your email.
There you have it folks! The number one activity to do upon returning to campus is to CHECK
YOUR EMAIL!
Of course, buying books takes serious priority over the email check. Are you groaning yet,
thinking about the hundreds and hundreds of dollars you just spent on four paperbacks novels?
Well, you see, the problem stems from the inability to differentiate between the "optional" and
"required" textbooks. Have you been paying close attention to the tags directing you to the
correct course, section, and instructor for your books? Not only does this prep you for the
price, which is usually slightly less than the fees for room, board and tuition, but it will
also tell you which texts the instructor "requires." OK, step back and look at the word
"requires." THIS is where your textbook deficiency stems from. DO NOT TAKE YOUR INSTRUCTOR'S
WORD FOR IT! Look at the book. Does it have pictures? No. Is there lots of white space? No.
Are you really honestly and truly going to read this textbook stickered at $53.95? No. Two
semesters ago, we invested $95 in a doorstop. Sure it had pretty lettering on the front that
read "Biochem," but to us, it was nothing more than a very expensive rock. So, take this
painfully learned lesson to heart and spend that $53.95 on something useful. Like that parking
ticket you got while unloading your car.
As for the parking situation on campus ... well, we have a brand-spanking-new parking garage with
the minor fee of only one arm and one leg. The student lots are crammed above capacity, while the
grad field - also new - still sparkles from lack of cars. And here's a tip about the loading zones
- it's all a conspiracy! The scam goes something like this: you see the sign, "Loading Zone."
You think, "Hey, I can park here while I unLOAD my car!" Husky Watch, hidden from view to the naked
eye, see you and your hazard-lit car and pounces, gleeful to have lured yet another set of Michelins
into the death zone. We're telling you this now, so when you find the ticket crammed under your
windshield wiper in the five minutes it took to run upstairs, you'll understand that it's not your
fault. Your ability to read and comprehend the English language is not failing.
Well, since Big Brother, oh excuse us, we mean Husky Watch - forever watching over your car anyway,
why don't you burn a little rubber on the sidewalks and cruise on over to Wilbur Cross to sign up
for your room in South Campus? But when you move into the Utopia of DRL, remember to bring your
sleeping bag, because currently it has no roof. But have faith! Keep cheering for those loyal
construction workers! For some of us, it's a shot at a building with more than one shower per floor
and electric outlets that jump out at you, literally. We are determined to live there, even if it
means sleeping under a giant, permanent skylight. It adds to that camp ambiance, you know? All
we'll need then is the macaroni necklaces (aka dorm food), Deep Woods Off! (aka showers), and counselors
(aka RA's) with Mag-lites (aka fire alarms).
So, there you go. Any Storrs-induced boredom should now be a faint memory, a deja-vu. In fact, you
should be too BUSY to even have TIME for deja-vu. But, if for a fleeting moment, you should find
yourself with not a thing to do, remember this word: email. As for us, what are we going to do
tomorrow, Jeffy? The same thing we do every day, Monica - try to over the world!
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