Saturday, July 3rd, 1999:
Well, from all Nostrodomical accounts, tomorrow will bring either the End of the World or the Beginning of World War III. So, what's a guy to do? I suppose that it's not a bad idea to document some thoughts in the event that the information we generate survives us. But where does one begin? There is so much to express, and so little time to express it. Well, I suppose that it would be prudent to leave some lessons learned for those poor creatures that stumble upon this. Those poor creatures that come after us with the un-enviable task of cleaning up the mess that we left behind:
Lessons Learned From Life on Earth: 1965-1999
I truly hope that today isn't the last day of my existence. I'm not prepared. There are so many things that I want to do; so many experiences that I have yet to encounter...like holding my own child in my arms someday or learning how to play the piano.
If it's not the end; I hope that we all wake up from the fright and start treating each other better.
Monday, July 5th, 1999:
I've just come out from my disaster shelter and noticed that the sun was shining and all was well with the world. We are still alive! Of course, Nostrodomus' predictions have been known to be off at times by only slight details. Perhaps he meant July 14th instead of the 4th?? Will I live in fear for the rest of my adult life as a result of his prophetical abilities? Ah well, all I know is that I am breathing again today, and that the air smells good. Carpe Diem! I am going to live today!
Saturday, July 10th, 1999:
It seems unfair that we have so little time to do as we truly please. I just finished another week at work, and am basking in the glory of the week's end...those 2 days when we are more or less free to do as we please, wake when we want, and give attention to our own needs and desires. This routine of working 5 days and living 2 fuels my belief that it is so very important pursue a livelihood that pleases you. Think about living a life in which Monday morning isn't looked upon as some cruel, torturous event. Imagine waking every morning with the same excitement as you do before going on holidays. What is perhaps the most staggering aspect of my belief, however, is that this is possible. You can do whatever you want in life, wherever you want to. Sometimes we allow ourselves to believe that we don't have control of our lives. Often, we fool ourselves into thinking that we must accept all of the negative circumstances that we encounter on our journey. The truth is that, while we may often find ourselves living a life that isn't ultimately pleasing to us at times, we can CHANGE our course. Why is it that we so often overlook "free will" when it comes to ourselves? Why do we accept that which is not pleasing to us? Have we become so much a part of the machine that we have lost those most endearing human traits, namely; individuality, courage, and passion? I for one want to live each day fulfilled; each hour consumed with desire, each minute aware of the gift of my existence. That all said, I'll probably end up working as a project manager for some multi-national, technology enterprise...and next year, on some Saturday afternoon, I'll sit down to talk about it again.
Sunday, July 25th, 1999
The older I get, the more paranoid I become with every occuring bodily discomfort. Recently, I experienced an ache in one ear. After a couple of days, I realised that the throbbing wouldn't leave on its own accord; and I promised my wife that I would set up an appointment at the military hospital. Because I had been swimming rather regularly, I immediately dismissed it as "swimmer's ear", a typical infection suffered by anyone who submerges himself in water frequently. The day before the appointment, however, my mind began suggesting other possible causes of the pain. As my mind debated between a brain tumor and an irritation resulting from a bug who chose my dark canal to lay its eggs; I became increasingly worried. Besides, I haven't had an ear infection in years! Why should I have one now if it weren't as a result of some manifestation of something awful that had occurred inside of my out of shape, aging body?
I arrived at the doctor's office at 10:50, just in time for my appointment. While the nurses took my vitals, I tried to act cool. Why should I ruin their day with the news of my suspected condition? As I was led to my fate down the awful institutionalised corridor (a corridor that I would no doubt see much of over the next several months...if I had that long left), beads of sweat covered my brow. The doctor approached and looked deeply into my ear. "Have you been swimming much Tom?", he asked casually. "Well, I've been lap swimming 5 days a week for the last several weeks doc", I replied. He prescribed ear drops for my "swimmer's ear" and told me to stay our of the pool for the next week or two. The relief was instantaneous, and I don't remember the drive home to the villa ever being so beautiful. Every moment is wonderful. Even the moments that I must lay on my side and insert 5 cool drops of cure into my ear.
Now, what about that "heartburn" that I've been experiencing lately?
Monday, August 2nd, 1999
Ok, I haven't written in a while. About a week ago, I spent well over an hour scribbling brilliance onto this page. I saved my HTML file and logged out of the web site. When I returned, I found that nothing of what I wrote was actually saved at all. I didn't break anything in the house. In fact, I lifted myself calmly from my seat and walked away with an "oh, that must have hurt" look on my face. C'est la vie. Everything happens for a reason.
Today I would like to write about life transitions. Not only becuase I am approaching one myself, but because I have always found "moments of change" fascinating. Normally, our life transitions are transparent to us, and one day seems to flow smoothly into another. Take the transition from High School to College (or work). I remember the excitement that I felt about not having to attend any more classes at High School; but I didn't realise how big of a transition that was for me...for my life. Summer began and ended like all of the summer's before, and by the time that I was seated in the university auditorium listening to Professor Potts discuss the subliminal incestuous relationships in the Brady Bunch family, I had forgotten that I had ever been to high school.
There is a point to all of this. Specifically, I have come to realise that I tend to overlook those moments of actual transition. Those powerful hours, days, weeks, and months between major events in our lives. The significance of this is awesome. For it is those moments of transition between events that determines what we do next in life. They are the moments that lead us onto the path when we approach a fork in the wood of our journey. When I reflect, I find that all of my decisions were made rapidly, without profound thought or scientific reasoning. Leave high school, go to college. Graduate college, get a job. Get a job, find a mate. Find a mate, raise a family, etc.
Usually, we humans tend to select those elements in life that are least threatening, most secure, and normally approved of by our family and peers. Obviously, life is easier if we roll with tide and choose a path that is familiar. A copy, if you will, of lives led before us; perhaps by our fathers or mothers. Having a blueprint of life makes transition much easier. But what happens when you arrive, like I have, at a profound transition point in life? I imagine that someone who survives a plane crash that kills most of the other passangers would understand what I am getting at.
Transition can be very difficult, even mentally exhausting, when you become aware of its consequences and power. Recently, I have been asking myself the following questions: "What do I really want to do?", "How do I want to live my life?", "What truly makes me happy?", and "What do I want to leave behind?" These questions may be familiar to most people. But how many of those who asked similar questions are living a life that incorporates their honest answers? It isn't easy searching deep within ourselves for our personal truth. We spend so many years doing what we think we should, living the way we think we should, pleasing others, and following a path that has been clearly laid out for us by others who have passed this way before, that it's very difficult to know what it is that we really want for ourselves.
In September of this year, we will leave Italy, drive through Europe, park the car in England and fly to New York. After visiting family and friends, we will return to England, drive into Ireland, and at that point, select a path at the fork in our wood. We have the awesome power to decide how we live from that point forward. I pray that we wield that power wisely and that our lives will reach true fulfillment as a result of this life transition.
Friday, August 6th, 1999
We're nearing the end of our road here in Southern Italy; and tomorrow we will attempt to rid ourselves of those accumulated items that one finds in bottom drawers, spare rooms, and garage corners. We're having a garage sale! In Italy, this practice is unheard of, as people here normally pass their unwanted wares to other family members. So, it will be interesting to see how the day transpires. We've already had numerous questions about our "advertisements" which were posted on poles sporadically on our street. I imagine that the turn-out will be overwhelming, if only because of the Italians' curiosity to see what "things" an American couple has in their possession. It's interesting to sift through the multitude of "things" that you haven't seen in years; but bought at some point for some very good reason. Our add read:
DOVE: BACOLI: VIA I TRAVERSA, CUMA 253
(LE VILLE DELLE AMERICANE)
QUANDO: SABATO, 7 AGOSTO: 0900 - 1300
DOMENICA, 8 AGOSTO 0900 - 1700
MOBILI, ARTICOLI PER LA CASA, VESTITI
Of course, everyone thusfar inquiring has expressed an interest in every item other than those we intend to sell! No, we aren't going to sell our digital camera, computer, or stereo! Little do they know, but we just want to lighten the load of clutter that would once again fill bottom drawers, spare rooms, and garage corners in Ireland! We'll see how it goes.
