"i'm not apathetic, i just know nothing i do will make a difference." -me
"you're the prettiest fake undercover whore i've ever seen." -garry
"well, i was really confused and then i talked to these guys." -chandler
"who, two divorces and joey?" -monica
"hey!" -ross
"she's right, you know." -joey
"yeah but still, cheap shot." -ross-
"because sex is not a time to chat. in fact it’s one of the few
instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where
it is perfectly appropriate if not preferable to shut up." -miranda
"it's not different at all, is it?" -chandler
"not unless different means the same." -rachel
"my hat blew into her headstone! she was obviously trying to
send me a message" –charlotte
"yeah, don’t fuck my husband you hat loving bitch." -miranda
"no, there was no way he was a velociraptor. no tony, look
at the cranial ridge, okay? if dino was a velociraptor, he
would've eaten the flintstones!"
-ross on friends-
"i don't like joanna - she's always going on about jesus.
i didn't know jesus had a vested interest in survivor. even
if he did, you'd think he'd be behind the men to win."
-rob on survivor-
"i know what guilt is. it's one of those touchy feely words people
throw around that don't mean anything like maternal or addiction."
-karen on will & grace-
"wait, you can't get deployed, don't you have cancer?
or wait - just go out and get aids!!"
-dorothy-
"what channel is this? fox? fox sucks."
(my dad while watching married by america)
"metallica is suing a band for identity issues because
they are also going by the name metallica. in other news,
christina aguilera is suing an artist for similar reasons
for going by the name: 'half-naked hoe'"
-conan o'brien-
ben: do you like pina coladas? 'cause
personally i like getting caught in
the rain.
will: i don't care if you like making love
at midnight, i'm not coming back.
-wonderful line from will and grace
When I was four years old
They tried to test my I.Q.
They showed me a picture of 3 oranges and a pear
They said, which one is different?
It does not belong
They taught me different is wrong
-shannon's away message..
"That doesn't make any sense, doesn't it?" -yankie
"What was Othello's tragic flaw?" -Murdock
"He was black." -jonnie and justin
"Awhile back I wrote a column in which I was mildly critical of classical music on the grounds that it sucks and I hate it."
-Dave Barry
my dad (about jeff gordon): "he's pretty damn cute. hell, i'd vote for him as 'nascar hottie'.."
Love, (oops I just typed it w/ a capital L, oohh no.)
Mike
and i HAD really good logic until he fucked it all up -me
it's ok you can go back to hating me now
no, i don't hate you, i just hate all vegetables
well you're the vegetarian. eat me.
you can't have a family reunion in someplace like disney world cause everybody would say "fuck family - it's mickey!"
dude, this glazed donut is the SHIT!
you KNOW how much i hate saying this..
but i do miss your stupid sorry ass.
oh yeah, and fuck you and the whore you rode in on.
you are the strangest person i know..
but that makes my life all the more interesting....
-jonnie
GOOD NIGHT
SLEEP TIGHT
AND DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE
AND IF THEY DO CALL ME & I'LL PROTECT YOU
I LOVE YOU
EVEN IF THEIR COUSINS COME
(MWAH)
-ashley
anyways, you dont wanna hear about this...
just thought i'd exercise my best friend rights....
-jonnie
Anyway...when you get home we will DEFINITELY get
our mad fun on and I can laugh really loud and you can hear me
all the way in the front yard...just like 4th of July.
hehe
Although, I have to warn you there won't be any getting naked
in the back seat of cars...ok I lied!
Lots of naked carness...hehe.
-sheatzu
if there aint blatant drug use and whip cream-topped orgies,
i aint coming.
-hypo
yeah well.. you're a dick.
-big ass hoe
so i've been told.
-hypo
on several occasions, i'm sure.. :P
-me
if you'd like to throw down, bring it on.
-more hypo than you
what was that? a threat? it's ON next time i see you..
you don't want to fuck with jennifer
cause jennifer'll fucking kill you