Full Mental Jacket !!!

an parody of production for some show very very similar to SG1

Major silliness and snarliness!!! Mega satire and parody!!! Wierd fourth wall violations and reality cross overs!!! you were warned ... so dont complain! I would like to note though that Robert Cooper thank goddess (nine of them - the ultimate critics - all female) is said to be writing the finale and if this comes to your attention we hope you dont mind parodies??? Any poetic exaggerations of certain people's alleged behaviour is for purpose of satire! Look if you're the sort of fan or pro who thinks satire is "MEEEAN" just dont bother reading any further? Finally I would like to state I have no idea what actually goes on at a certain studio but ... who knows... if the reality is even wierder than this feel please to submit gossip!

Prince M*S* lolled sexily across the bed, barechested above dishevelled sheets in a state that would inspire maybe a slash writer, (but this aint slash!!!) eyes closed, relishing a Sunday morning sleep in or maybe not sleep-in. His current live in lady suddenly started grabbing his shoulder shaking it and hissing "M! there's a SFX hovering over us!" The young prince opened his eyes and saw a strange glowing er maybe not so strange and unfamiliar cosmic squid shape move from the ceiling to the bedside! He also noticed the cats looked pleased to see the being as it materialized into a strangely similiar shape wearing a face he'd gotten sick on seeing in the makeup mirror! "Oh S*** that urban myth about crossovers between our universe and the one where our fictional counterparts are real people must be true! The cosmic visitor from way way beyond or at least a couple of cosmic strings away, spoke, "Hello we have a lot of talking and planning to do. How would you like to alter the final season ending and end your problems with certain producers?

The next day up north in scenic Vacant Lot and Terribly Generic City various creatively challenged writer-producers were throwing darts at tiny scraps of paper containing scribbled ideas for individual scenes and plot pitches for the last episodes and grande finale. "Gosh I love this new scripting technique!" declaimed Pugkept. His faithful companion - the other M-boy echoed that gesture (imagine Derek and Hansel in Zoolander and the computer desk scene).

The other "faithful" companion - the fourlegged one had snuck outside and was shamelessly sucking up to people at the craft table (what is it many books say about PUGS - their mission in life is to be loved? and also owners become like their pets??? MMM???) however fortunately Jam Toroid was not being seriously overfed since Royard had approaching the craft table waving his latest toy - one of those mobiles that download pict files. "Look everyone now we can see pictures of the LA Princess all day long!" This cleared the area in record time except for a few equally over-obsessed parents who engaged Royard in yet another round of competitive parenting franticly racing back and fro from their trailers waving photo albums! Strange way to get RSI!!!

Meanwhile back in the writers office Emperor Platocampus Faberius nodded wisely thinking "and playing with the darts will keep you away from the Internet for a while ..." He smiled manganimously and went to inspect the rest of his dominion. As he exited he nodded and winked at Roberto the Normally Silent who was quietly getting on with the actual work of the writing of the final episode and movie while the M&M Fall-guys for Fannish Wrath were merrily playing. To the tune of Twinkle twinkle Little Star ... Thunk thunk little dart ...

Out at the carpark Lord Sith-aya the Longsuffering (did you know the final-th is silent? in Gaelic and aya is a compliment - know what it means in Egyptian?) was coaching people in mock ars moriendi, and Caesar Royard was playing with his bike when he should have been reading scripts. Emperor Faberius had him surrounded by stunt dudes and studs and gently herded back to his trailer and locked in until lunch time. He moved on leaving instructions for the trailer to be searched for mobile and other phones so Royard couldnt get online babbling to the L.A. princess disrupting her preschool class. The sun was out. Shooting was on schedule. All was right with his realm ... for the moment.
Okay so this probably has no resemblance whatsoever to a actual studio work day but ... who knows??? Anyway if you'll forgive the cliche ... little did they know what perils awaited them. A strange and smiling sinister figure with a curious resemblance to a trademarked by another media organization letter of the ABC was watching the studio with a feline smirk of anticipation.

A week or so later. The Gates of a certain studio are aproached by a crowd of excited fans lead by a familiar figure. Gosh look he's actually shaved and its not a workday and he's wearing a ... a business suit!!! Yes it's Prince M*S* and he's handing a letter to the gate guard for delivery to the producers. Unfortunately Emperor Platocampus Faberius and the other grownup producers are off on location shoots and the letter remains on his desk unopened. M*S* and Fan Army retreat for the moment looking very confident.

A couple of days later. Emperor Faberius and several others are still off on a locations shoot. Prince M*S* returns and orders the guard to raise the gate. " I've come to take possession of the studio. Open the gate - I have highly trained and experienced lawyers with me. Real Lawyers - not those idiots you see on sitcoms and legal dramas!" Yes readers M*S* and the State of Danielites Should be Jollity faction following on a suggestion from the Cosmic Squid SFX and a special crossover friend have wisely used the NET to gather and focus the collected force of fandom for a leveraged buyout and takeover of MGM! (Well its one of the few things they've not tried yet ... and there must be some SG fen who are stockbrokers and lawyers??? Wonder why no one's tried it yet?) Meanwhile the rear guard are passing mesages thru the fence to the crew and other cast to let them know what's going on and gain their support. Oh the messages include seductive special offers by the new management to produce crew and casts' favorite neglected projects. T and A's GAL-friendly comedy movie, Lord Sithaya's Bio, etc. Also wage increase and speaking roles for any of the stunt dudes who sign up for the new security team ... mmm The M&M boys attracted by the commotion (oh doesnt commotion or is it conmocion mean riot in American Spanish??? or was it collective public emotion?) and assuming it's caused by members of the We Want S&J Together faction come to violate the commandment about idolatry and worship and adore them wander out into the car park and approach the gate. The stage is ready ... for a fullsome climax!

Prince M*S* declaimed in Shakespearean mode as learnt from one too many viewings of ST:TNG episodes to study Patrick Stewart's techniques for that young Picard clone's role. "Are you aware the Federation er Fandom includes many ex-military staff? Are you going to open that gate now!? Make it so!" MS paused for dramatic effect and then exhaled causing several people of both sexes to swoon and faint and then yelled in a charming boyish way, "Okeydokey ladies you can bring the tank forward now!" THe M&M boys smirked until they saw a very real tank accelerating towards the gate. The guard quickly opened the gate and a swarm of fen encamped in the parking lot. The M&M boys fled to their office. Robert the Normally Silent ignored their attempts to reach Faberius and Royard on their cell phones and busily continued editing and tending to the printer. The Other Mboy looked worried "We need a radiophone! The guys must be out of range ... only the radiophone's out there! On another soundstage." He pointed to the windows. They wandered over to be confronted with the spectacle of banners raised and unfaithful crew members partying with fen! "We'll send Jam Toroid with a note for help" cried Pugkept! The canid was released into the car park and immediately seized upon by fandom not to be tortured but cosseted lovingly and found several days later at the airport whining cos he couldnt get on the plane and go back to the USA with them!

Some hours later the M&M boys were still trapped in the office. Strange objects had been erected in the car park. People were still partying and they werent included. They sulked for a while and then decided to sneak out. The coast seemed clear ... if they run for the gate ... just maybe ... they snuck down stairs ... slowly opened the door and bolted for the gate. At that moment someone created a temporal loop and they found themselves back at the door.
"Boys boys boys fun's not over yet!" A figure curiously similar to a certain person's who's played an omnipotent life form was watching them accompanied by a younger version of himself .
"Delancelot! Save us! Get your car and drive us away from here! Please We'll fund your next radio play!" The figure smiled evilly and accompanied by his offspring walked away THROUGH the wall saying "I'm not Delancelot! Your turn!" Suddenly the M&M boys were surrounded by fen and irate crew and cast members who siezed them and bound them to a potential S&M gag.

Er no beings with any actual resemblance to producers in this or any other universe were damaged in the course of this production. The whipping frame was padded! Neither are we encouraging or condoning any restraining of producers even for the honorable purpose of actually getting them to listen to viewers who both read and watch sf!

Pugkept had a posssibly rare carefully considered thought for consequences. (Remember who wrote a scene requiring an actor to swim underwater without bothering to check first if said actor could even swim!) "Wait if this is a dimensional crossover anomaly allowing fictional characters to visit our universe maybe we can summon help! Scream with all your heart in it!" The other M-boy cried out "Rayner! Green Lan .." "no you idiot our fictional universe!" shrieked Pugkept. "JACK" they shouted in unison! A car accelerated into the lot. A very scruffy dirty blond male leaped out of it waving a gun and screaming "Take me to Ira Gaines!" Many people appropriately but tastelessly broke into laughter. Like a letter of the ABC laughed at their error and waved a hand. Jack disappeared. "Idiot!" The two M-boys shrieked at each other! Cosmic Squid BOY and the Young Prince struggled to conceal a smirk of bemusement. What next? Would things get worse? Of course!

"Tall guy! Xtrablondheadfur! Where are you! There's an evil Ghouly thing here!" "Sorry they're over at the barbeque trading recipes!" smirked you know who a letter somewhere between O and S. "Amazingly graceful! Spammy! Toocute! Scotsdoc!" Four voices rose from the back of the crowd. "Sorry we're too busy drinking champagne cocktails and partying and besides we've have SOOO NOT forgotten five years with no dates and ... and that black widow thing and the ... a long list of both feminine and feminist grievances followed ending with the statement "... and dont bother calling the evergracious general or uncle my name means world ruler in gaelic! They're drawing fan portraits for charity along with rosevale and jinxy fox! And Stranger with green eyes and Jo-Hexed boy are partying with the fen in an attempt to make up for all the bad dialogue you've afflicted on them!"(editors note and I mean the character the actor and the fans! Could we give poor J some stylish instead of stitled lines?) The M-boys prayed the execpros would return soon. Back in the writers' room Robert the Normally Silent wondered why there was still so much noise coming from the car park. He could have sworn Rocky Do You Capish BIG SFX had gone out on a location shoot.

Suddenly and silently the crowd parted. A graceful but masculine figure approached them with the elegance of an aristocrat whose tan is genetic. "Boutros! (its coptic for ...) You've come to visit from Vinny's Mortuary! We know how popular you are with the ladies! Please softspoke them into letting us go! We'll write you back into the series and let you kick Anubis' butt!" they begged in unison. Everyone laughed. The being who looked like Boutros sang out and not in a Jamaician accent ! "Jaffa Ladies Kree! It's chorus time!"
(Insert any cheerleader tune you like?)
" Give us an A for amazingly sinister yet sexy! Follow it with a P for perfect style monger Tralala! and an unknown Egyptian vowel O or E maybe! and another P tralala! and Y for You invoke Envy! cos we havnt got his tailor's addie! Let it roar Apepy!!! Apepy!!!" The M-boys whimpered. Apepy walked closer and started a monolouge.
"My counterpart couldnt be with us today due to work obligations but he told me all about those fools who claimed my character was camp cos he had more dress sense and style than your average teenage male fan! Do you know how long it took me to heal from being nibbled by replicators (awww went the fen!) during my last minute escape via transport ring (hurraY!) and then the darn energy wave from the explosion hit my palace and I had to dig out from under the rubble and hide from the other Gouald and ..."
" there there" sighed many fen
" ... but Boutros kindly lent me a set of Tauri surgical tools. I do so prefer traditional techniques! Look see how shiny and sharp they are!" The M-boys passed out. The chorus begun " Give me a W for wimp ..." (editor's note - no producers were actually harmed by sharp or blunt objects - Apepy and the Fans decided letting them watch them all party and not being allowed to join in was sufficent bad karma along with having to listen to the queque of fannish complaints IN PERSON)

Then the sun broke from behind clouds. Robert the Normally Silent emerged from the Cave of Delusions waving freshly printed pages of script and movie notes. "What's been going on out here! Anyone want to know about their movie parts? And I've finished the finale episode. Robert was swept up in a tidal wave of pro and fannish love and cosseted and stroked and fed and praised while everyone signed disclosure notices and sat and read while eating Chulakian cuisine. He was reconciled with the Young Prince who reassured that when he had ambiguously referred to "writers" he wasn't talking about him! They forgot all about the M-boys. The consensus opinion was ...
"Hallalela! its going to be alright" Smiles spread across faces. The party wind up. Everyone went home. Nearly everyone.

Just After sunset. It's getting cold and dark in the parking lot. Emperor Faberius has just returned. "What happened here while we were gone! Who authorized a tank? There's no tank in the budget! What are the M-boys doing on the ground lying on a pile of disclosure forms? Drag them into my office! And why are all the dogs out and sleeping next to a pile of bones? And what's that wierd unearthly barbeque odor?" Unseen in the shadows Cosmic Squid and Letter of the Alphabet who's omniscient laughed and shook hands and got the last words ... for now. "That's now folks!" And I woke up from a very wierd dream wondering about parallel universes!

The channeller of this report wishes to inform you that her "source" may be providing her with info on a prequel or sequel if all of season six and the grand finale are NOT top quality!