An Interview with GOLDIE!

Experience the Wit and Wisdom of Gilda Dragonides!

Well readers ... few as you are ... I can hear our favorite Goullawk Queen approaching ... SFX "trundle trundle trundle ring ring ring a ring" "Hey that's not right ... (shudder) Goldie what have you done to your skateboard!!!"

Readers a strange and terrible sight confronts me and I dont mean the spectacle of a smiling Goullawk! Goldie's skateboard seems to have metamorphosed into a cross between a go-kart with a canopy - a silk purple canopy with fringes - and a Vespa with a old fashioned bike bell attached and ... and Goldie is wearing gold sunnies and a pink tutu around her middle !!! AAARGH Excuse me for a moment folks ....(whisper whisper ... there wouldnt happen to be any leftover parts of Dark Caper sewn into this canopy and cushion and tutu would there? ... you're absolutely sure of that? JonaHexed helped you make it ... yes he loves to be helpful and get into trouble doing so ... doesnt he!?"

The following text is translated from Goullawk - I refuse to type the original chain of burble sprrt hiss burble ad nauseam!!!

Goldie could you tell you about your origins as a literary fragment ?

"Certainly! I was the magnificent undoubted matriarch of a whole world full of friendly Goullawk and their willing hosts .. er why are you staring at me like that? oh? well there was this big lake with terraces and temples around it near a gate and some friendly Ancient brought me and a few offspring to it and saved us from our cousins the Gouald ... we Goullawk are pacifists ... well compared to the Gouald we are! The local humans volunteered some of their shamans and warriors as hosts and we had a great relationship. My children would go off and have adventures with their hosts and come back and tell me and the unhosted ones great stories! But then ... sniffle sob ... came that day of darkness. A group of really nasty Jaffa scouts came through the gate and saw us sunbathing and told Anubis where we were and you know what Anubis is like? Bring back Apophis - that lovely boy ... he didnt dob me into the System Lords and regularly sent fruit and flowers to me as a revered elder! Just about the same time SG1 came for a visit and Jonas in the original script/ timeline fell into the lake and recieved my beautiful boy Speaker to Animals Who Live Out of Water as a symbiote but as I discovered later the EVIL DARK CAPER (boo and hiss please audience) changed history and wiped out most of my people in a temporal storm. Fortunately Sassy's folk spotted the timespace disturbance and got there just in time to save me and a few symbiotes and humans - shudder my reality was literally falling apart around me and everything was fading away into limbo and then there was this burst of light and a tunnel opened and Sassy lead me to her home dimension and I now live in a room with a built in jacuzzi and pool and other deluxe facilities worthy of an exiled monarch and its just down the hall from Sassy's boudoir!"

Goldie why dont you look like Egeria?
"Sniffle whuffle sob ... poor Egeria! WAAAH"
Goldie focus!!!
"Okay Egeria ... snuffle ... I think they must have had her on the local equivalent of steroids or something or just let her glut out on too much fish? Unhosted Queens are generally much sleeker and smaller. Look at me I have larger pink-violet eyes and shapely head fins and two firm yet frilly front flippers and a lovely rippled fin cover over my ovipositor and ...why are you staring at me again?"
Goldie are you wearing purple mascara and eyeliner?
"Yes JonaHexed bought it for me! Like it!?"
Very strange noises from the scribe who had to pause to focus herself

Goldie why are other Gouald so aggressive compared to you?
"Hey I can be aggro ... know what Sassy and I have planned for our next prank? - We were thinking of having JonaHexed swap places with Triphammered! That should be fun! By the way can we use your credit card to buy a blonde wig glue bleach dye and paintball guns? We're planning to give some one aversion therapy for their obsession with blondes and to revenge Junior !"
your scribe's response - Absolutely NOT!
"You're glaring at me ... hey it was Junior's idea not mine! ... You're still staring at me? I have to stick to the topic ... right?"
YES!!!
"Well we Goullawk believe that all good dragonoids may in this life or a future one get to go to the Starry Isles where they get to grow into or become symbiotes to REAL full size dragons! We dream of wings! Somehow the Goualds changed that to a fascination with Death Gliders and Spaceships ? As you know there are many species of dragonoids across the multiverse and we also believe we Goullawk received less genetic modifications from certains unnamed not so nice Ancients than the Goualds. Our history states that Goualds were exploited as slaves, rebelled, and decided to revenge their mistreatment by using humanoids as unwilling hosts however Egeria remembered what we were once like and tried to re-instate the TRUE PATH of harmony - which you humans remember as the concept of MAET."

Why do you and Sassy have such an interesting relationship with certain people?
"Sassy and I are a two women feminist comedy revenge squad doing impro performances wherever needed across the multiverse especially where intelligent fandom has been particularly offended!!! Our next major operations will be an attempt to do something about the Temporal Wars mess over in the Star Trek universe! Our tools are parody and satire and Zen mischief! Join us! You can support our mission by ignoring all those folk who whimper about satire not being nice and let anyone you think would enjoy our adventures know the urls for our interfacing sites!"

Er you still havent answered the question?
"Oh were you referring to specific individuals - say people who let themselves be infected by Daaaa "( muffled noise as typist gags Goullawk Queen)

Goldie why are many other Gouald somewhat vocabulary and intellect impaired in comparision to your magnificence?
"W e e e ll if some people will overbreed their hosts until they become beatiful idiots what do you expect?"
Goldie some people have been doubting your faithful scribe's sanity and believe you're not real ...?
"Dont start on that I and Sassy are figments of your imagination thing again please ...
Of course we're real! Is your blood sugar dropping again?"

Gentle readers of all species ... I've run out of questions and Goldie has well ... we're afraid to go into Mad Olave's den and look ...if anyone has any future questions for and about Goldie please email me with suggestions or leave them in the guest book?

Postscript - Gentle readers whoever you are - you dont write? you dont send love notes ? anyway we just thought we should let you know that JonaHexed being the true gentlebeing that he is ( wel most of the time) volunteered to venture into Mad Olaf's den and retrieve Goldie. Both are good condition. Fortunately Olaf didnt wake up! Very fortunate as Olaf ... well we're not sure what Olaf is ...