Yet another fine misadventure brought to you by Sassy and Goldie! Find out what happens when Sassy and Goldie visit a certain individual who er runs an "information agency" in the DCverse. There's a crisis coming and Sassy and Goldie think its their duty to deliver a warning and try to help out in their own special wierd way! Personally I think they should have stuck to harassing a certain spectral individual but maybe that's why he's in such a bad mood lately.
There was quite a bit of work involved in re-arranging and editing the material I received. Some of it was audio. Other bits are transcribed of what appears to be security camera footage. Frankly it's a collection of snippets. Here are three of the more interesting ones.
A room full of computers and terminals and monitors and other equipment. A room in a city full of Neo-Gothic and Art Deco heritage buildings and the citizens thereof are even wierder than the architecture! One monitor is playing a looped tape of the various incarnations and costume changes of one Richard Grayson. A bleary eyed computer expert is sipping coffee when a flash of light announces the arrival via quantum tunneling technology of a very strange little creature. It's Goldie by herself, having snuck away from Sassy and JonaHexed, performing on a solo mission. She is wearing her home made Power Goullawk outfit, white lycra leotard with inflatable ... er chest padding, a cape, and a blonde wig. The energy spillage fron the open portal behind her is casting an eldritch and uncanny light over this to disconcerting effect. The information retrieval specialist drops her cup of coffee and makes odd noises as Goldie introduces herself, fortunately using a translator!
"Hello I'm Power Goullawk! A friendly dragonoid alien from another continuum and I'm here to help! There's a crisis coming! Need some new agents? Hello Babicle? Babsie? Bobbsie? Red? Batsie?"
Our ally and adviser to gothamic chiropterans looks at the Goullawk and and looks at the cup of coffee and mutters to herself.
"Maybe I should get some sleep or a vacation. I'm having Power Pinup nightmares again. Aaargh!"
Happily for our former skin tight costume wearer a hand reaches out from the portal and grabs the Goullawk by the tail pulling her back into it. As the portal closes a scolding voice can be heard saying,
"Didnt I tell you NOT to wear that costume in public anywhere! I'm going to burn it! Right after I change the passwords for the replicator!"
Some time later. See a stealthified plane parked on an airfield. See the marks on the plane where the Bird symbol was removed. See a tall Italian American woman angrily leave the plane. See a tall blonde follow her. See two definitely not tall figures entering the plane.
We hear through the doorway someone one asking,
"Zindilla can you see them too?!"
Yes skipper. Are you seeing a cute lil' sausage dog wearing a bat cape and bat mask and a funny lil' thing like a dragon crossed with a seal?"
"Yes and is the dragon thing wearing a cape and a red vest with the letters SG and are both of them smirking at us?"
"Fraid so skipper! Shall I shoot them?
"Don't shoot! I am BAT-DACH and my partner in crime ... er crime fighting is SUPER GOULLAWK! We're here to help! We understand you just lost an agent and we'ld like to apply for the job opening! Look we have references too! Here's one from a Mister Jojonez.
From A. Pennyworth. "I always enjoy time spent with young Miss Sassy and Mistress Goldie. They keep me company when certain people who dont fully appreciate my cooking are out and about. They dont go charging off halfway through a meal chasing penguins and femmes feline. Young Miss Cassie went off to Europe and hasn't spent any postcards or recipes. Young Master Timothy rarely visits anymore. Master Jason apparently returned from the dead and does he visit or send cards? Nooo! Sassy and Goldie not only exchange cards with me but recipes too and they brought me fresh salmon! They're always welcome to drop in when I, the faithful servant, and surrogate parent, are left all alone, mending costumes, and cooking. More champagne Ladies before we retire to the spa? Master Bruce lets me pay the household bills and never noticed I made a few modifications to my personal suite. Quite a few."
Bark! Woof! Woowooworf! Barkarkach!
(Scribal Note! this one seems to be from Krypto the Super Dog. Or Komissar Rex of the Viennese Police? Both of whom Sassy claims she knows. Yes and in the second case Sassy tried to get to know someone so well I understand its a good thing they cant find her address to issue a restraining order?! Only Rex is allowed to steal ham rolls in that office!)
"Soon can we join up with you!
"Er do you have any special skills?"
"OH yes we're very good at being annoying yet cute! I have a nose for evil and Goldie is dangerous with nunchakus! Would you like a demonstration!? She learnt at Small Grove!"
"Who told you we have personnel openings? Just because one operative left doesnt ..." replied the oracular one absentmindedly rubbing at a strange green rash on her arm.
"oh you will! There's a CRISIS COMING!" interrupt Sassy and Goldie in unison!
Metropolis City of Continual Rebuilding! Yes all those super villian fights must be great for the local construction industry! We are inside an older ART Deco structure that looks like it was designed by an architect related to Bloody Stupid Johnson of Ankh-Morpork! Zindilla, Spaced Out Blond Boy, DiNet Dyed Blondie, and the Oracular One are watching TV. A Certain Russian has suggested they watch the Queer As Folk Marathon on Cable. Zindilla still hasnt put two and two and more together and worked out the totally unsubtle hints. Sadly neither has Spaced Out. A certain Russian is in the kitchen sobbing from frustration while making hot tea and blintzes! A portal opens right over the table covered with Chinese take-out and a Goullawk and a Dachsie fall out of it adding to the mess already on the table>
S & G in cheerful unison!
"HELLO folks we're back with another special offer!"
"Zindilla get the shotgun! DiNet attack them! Spaced Out dont just sit there!"
Spaced Out blinks and asks,
"Oh you can see them too? Gee I thought they were a meds side effect or imaginary pets? They're real?"
Everyone turns and glares at Spaced Out Blondie.
Sassy barks to get people's attention. "And today's special offer is an interview and afternoon tea. We brought chocolate! Real DARK chocolate. Darrel Lea and Paddington Liquor."(Scribal Note Sydney based brands Australia NOT Canada - guess where I live?)
Before Zindilla returns with the shot gun a certain Russian comes back from the kitchen, sees Sassy and Goldie, and roars with affectionate respect,
"Little Sascha! Goldfish! How are you!"
"You know these creatures?"
"They introduced me to Spaced Out Blond Boy! Sigh it was a hot summer night and we were in a bar in Piraeus and this little hound dog comes up to me and pushes my leg and I look down and she glares up at me and points and I see where she is pointing and she is pointing to Goldfish here and Goldfish is spurting purple stuff onto my bel ... (a certain Russian notices all the girls except Zindilla are making frantic signs zip it gestures and mouthing the words DONT EXPLAIN! NOT NOW! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!) ... beau ... vee ... very special friend! "
Question One from Sassy to Babicle
Linux Mac or Windows?
"I have two floors just for computers and you have to ask? All three and much more!
Question Two from Goldie to Zindilla
"Can I go onna helicopter ride? Can I fly the new copter? Plizzz?"
Everyone in unison including Sassy who knows what happens when Goldie's allowed near the controls of any technology more complicated than say a skateboard.
"NO!"
Question Three from Sassy to DiNet
When are you getting back together with Olly Blondie?
Babicle interrupts
"Oh look is that the the time? I have to have the dressings changed on my skin grafts! Sorry Gotta go and the others are taking me to see my specialist! Bye Bye!
There is a rush to the doorways by one except a Certain Russian who has the manners to say good bye.
Sassy and Goldie are left behind
Gee we didnt even get to finish warning them about the crisis! Oh well we can play computer games on the Cray server while they're gone! Goldie? Goldie! Where are you going NO! Not the copter! Zindilla will never forgive us if you damage it! Goldie!
Scribal Note for those not familiar with the particular type of mayhem and mischief caused by small dragonoids we should explain here that Goldie's muzzle ends in four finger claws - what appears to be a bilateral jawline opens out into four digits with retractable claw/ fangs at the ends. Goldie FULLY smiling is a bizarre sight. Goldie's use of devices tends to have dangerous resutls. Goldie flying a copter is ... lets just say if she flew it well the copter would probably have ended up parked upside down on top of that ringed planet icon on top of a certain media building.
And so we leave you alone with an invitation to visit our site and enjoy other Sassy Gate "reports". If you found these at all amusing please consider making a donation to Red Cross or some other Diaster relief organisation? Thank You Neith lowly scribe on behalf of and for Sassy an impudent dachshund and Goldie an even stranger little creature.