Yet another fine misadventure brought to you by Sassy and Goldie!
Hello Fan girls and boys! Today we're visiting The beautiful Luthier mansion somewhere in rural America noted for its unique stylistic blend - early Frank Lloyd Wright meets American Gothic! Inside waiting for us is Xander Luthier totally sexy youngest official member of and heir to the Luthier dynasty! Hello Xander!
"Hey gals that's not my name? My name is Ale ... why are you asking me to read that clipboard ... Let's see what's on it ... beware of the evil copyright lawyers ... right ... okay you can call me Xander. Bring on those questions."
"Are you in love with a certain young brunette?"
"Lana? Well she is gorgeous and hot but I think her heart belongs to another."
"Er I think Goldie was thinking of another brunette?"
"Say have you ever heard of slash?"
Xander narrows his eyes and gives our reporters a look that reminds folks he has a dark side.
"Have you been cloned yet? Do you intend to be cloned one day? "
"Cloned? Why would I want to be cloned?"
"Well there are these former fan boy writers who cant resist retroing people's origins and you have, or will have, until they change it again, or kill him off, or reclone him, have, for the moment, a strapping young clone/genetic chimera/offspring who has a crush on a young blonde amazon demi-goddess."
"But I like brunettes!"
A dazzling SFX interrupts your interview and a middle aged man who's also totally bald but oddly studly appears.
"Any one got a headache cure? or rather brian ache cure. Or an ice pack or ... hey this isnt one of my secret bases!?"
"Older Xander meet alternate younger Xander! No wait he's not that other Xander!
Sit down! We'll get you an ice pack for the brain ache! and some purple stuff!"
Meanwhile over in the Demented Continously UniMultiVerse in another yet oh so traditional secret underground secret base two partners in criminal critiquing of various realities are hovering next to yet another giant megaphallic plot device.
"Xander?"
"Yes PsychoPest? Make it quick I'm busy playing cosmic makeover!
"Did I mention I'm bi?" And that I do threesomes? You me and Power Boobs? Taking a long vacation on a tropical planet if we survive this Infinitely Profitable Crisis?"
"Wipe that hopeful smile off your facemask NOW or I'll teleport you into the middle of ..."
" Okay okay just asking ..."
Back in the Luthier mansion ... "So Mr LuteMaker is it true you've been funding your comeback to super villian status by working in an all female strip club in New York as Mr. Corporate Monster and you strip down to a thong with a big dollar sign on it and the person who tucks in the most money gets to see your monster ... "
"I also toured Tokyo and the Far East and major cities in South America and I was going to do the Continent but this d@#$ crisis broke out and my agent gave my bookings to this young guy who starts off his act wearing a golden body suit that slowly turns transparent so I had to hunt him and find out ..."
"Woo now we know how you and the other guy fund all those hi tech toys !"
"Meanwhile back at that secret base with the megaphallic plot device the other Xander has forgiven PsychoPest and they're doing a duet of YMCA ... another piece of behind the views "information" you'll only learn by regularly visiting Sassy Gate - dedicated to irreverent tongue in cheek critiques!"
Whatever other approach to critique than satire is valid when in multiple fandoms one is confronted online at least with the ghastly spectacle of fans of varying degrees of intellignece and insight busily flaming each other or the pros or accusing each other of being psycho cases or ... hey did I mention I also watch Little Britain? That you're welcome to imagine Tom Baker doing the voice-overs?
And so having completely wandered off the plot ... we leave you alone with an invitation to visit the rest of our site and enjoy other Sassy Gate "reports". If you found these at all amusing please consider making a donation to Red Cross or some other Diaster relief organisation? Thank You Neith lowly scribe on behalf of and for our reporter team, Sassy an impudent dachshund, and Goldie an even stranger little creature. Join us on Sassy Gate for Impudent Critiques - Behind the Scene Secrets of the Crisis Revealed!