I've been doing magick since I was 15; more than half my lifetime. I'm in my 30's, but people don't seem to always believe that. I guess it's because I don't say too much... unless something interests me, and then you can't get me to shut up! :-) I don't consider myself a "crone", but then I don't consider myself either a "maiden" or a "mother". I'm not really sure if I fit into any particular category, although crone might be closest, because I do enjoy teaching.

Mostly I use magick for my own self improvement. I do a lot of meditation, and some divination. My abilities incline towards being able to divine and influence people, but once I realized that I could *manipulate* people, I didn't do that part anymore. Believe me, when I want to, I can make someone think and feel exactly the way I want to. I just don't do it, because I feel that's wrong. I won't do to anyone else, what I wouldn't want done to me.

When I "leak" and things go out of control, it's usually that I'll touch someone and suddenly know everything about the person, like who they are, when they were born, what they're thinking, when and how they'll die, what their future holds for them, and what their family members are currently doing (even if they don't know themselves). I guess it's like I suddenly know their soul or aura or whatever you want to call it. It's not like I simply SEE it, I just suddenly KNOW it. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming, which is why I HATE having so much excess energy, and I HAVE to eliminate it sometimes.

I've got tons of energy, so don't actually need to cast formalized spells. I've been told that what I'm actually doing is sort of like broadcasting on a large band (like a radio) instead of just like a tight stream (like a laser). Most people can only do a tight stream, because that's all the energy that's available to them. But people like me have so much energy, that we almost need to waste it, and we certainly don't need to sit there and concentrate on fine-tuning it, because the broad stuff will always work for us. Sure, it's like cracking walnuts with sledgehammers, but it works.

I don't make circles, either. I've never really understood them. I also don't "ground" the way others do, but I do sometimes siphon off my excess energy into the sky, or I'll siphon off smaller amounts into objects that I use for my spellcasting, meditation, jewelry, and just other things around my house. I also sometimes use it to charge items that I'll later make into power objects that can be drawn upon for specific purposes later. For example, sometimes I feel like I'm charged up with an excess of healing energy, and then I'll store my excess into a bloodstone or something. Then if I later need to pull upon some healing energy specifically, I'll pick up that bloodstone and draw that energy into myself, directing it at whatever needs healing. I also use this to charge items that I'll give to friends to help them out.

Mostly my "spells" are simply that I concentrate on something, and it happens. That's why they don't really work for other people. They DO seem to take energy, but I have so damned MUCH energy, that it's not like I ever feel drained, myself. I had friends in high school that used to cast more formalized spells, and when they needed energy sometimes they'd pull it from me. I could feel it, but it was like someone taking a few drops of water from a large lake, and it didn't even begin to drain me.

I've found that I don't need to draw energy from other sources, ever. In fact, sometimes I find myself too energized just by my normal everyday activities, that I need to expend it. The energizing technique that I use is actually one that I use when I want to gather up all my excess energy together, so I can expend it all at once, when it gets almost too much for me to handle. (When I was younger, it used to "leak", and crazy things would happen around me that I couldn't control; siphoning off my energy was my ONLY option.)

No one at work is aware that I'm pagan, and I'm not going to tell them. They know I'm Jewish (that's how I was raised, and a lot of those beliefs are still with me - they are NOT contradictory to paganism, believe it or not), but that's as far as it goes. I don't worry too much about specific pagan holidays or gods, although I'm aware of them. (I've studied Babylonian, Sumerian, Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Norse, and Celtic mythologies... that I can think of offhand. Probably others I'm not remembering right now.) So I KNOW a lot of the stuff, but my beliefs are a bit different. I consider myself a Jewish Mystic, not really "wiccan", although I do consider myself pagan as well. Yes, I'm aware that there are some contradictions, but not nearly as many as if I were Christian! No, Judaism does NOT consider magick inherently evil, nor do they disbelieve in other gods (they just don't think any other gods are as powerful as Yehovah).

With respect to my influences, I'd have to say that I'm influenced by Egyptian, Sumerian, Babylonian, Greek, Celtic, Oriental, Spanish (both of Spain and Mexico), Norse, Faerie tales.... I'm not sure what has NOT influenced me, actually! :-) I mix it all up in my own way, and it works for me. I haven't done nearly enough studying of Celtic mythologies and culture as I'd like to have done, but one only has so much time. :-)


Coming soon: Stonelore