Well, these are my basic campaign promises. I haven't talked to my Vice President about them yet, but that's irrelevant. Come to think of it, I haven't talked to my VP in a long time either. Come to think of it, he's kinda irrelevant, too. *grin* His name is Adam, so if you see him around, you might want to tell him to check out this page!
First: Our Campaign Theme:
Adam and I together came up with this. At the time of the birth of this idea, we outlined our criteria for what defined a "stupid" person. We think there are about six people besides ourselves that fit that criteria, but we're not even sure about that. The U.S. is going to be mighty empty, so we may have to revise our policy.
Second: Our Campaign
We'll go where we want to go when we want to go.
Third: Our Foreign Policy:
Well, that's actually MY policy. Adam'll have to live with it. This conflicts with our campaign theme. See, we had decided to ship all the "stupid" people to Canada. Since that time I've decided my first action as president will be to take over Canada, so therefore they will be part of the U.S. After Canada, we'll think about where we're going next.
Fourth: Our Domestic Policy
Since Canada will be part of the U.S., they're included in the domestic policy section. The first action in Canada will be the project of my Secretary of Transportation: Todd. The project is 'Operation Road Signs.' Previously poorly marked Canadian roads will be clearly marked for the average person to navigate his or her way around. Stupid people might still have trouble, but there's not a lot of help for them. (And I want NO comments on my directional disorientation. If the roads are marked and I have a map, I'm fine. I'm talking about the people who can't find their way out of a paper bag WITH a map.)
Of course, in here we'll have to decide what we're going to do with stupid people...stupid people that sue over coffee spills will have to put away in their own little city... I don't know what can be done with them.
And there you have it. My campaign in a nutshell. Needless to say, this page is under construction as my views change.
Further campaign information can be requested from: techinept@uswest.netScat...Go home!
If any of you try to take this seriously, you really need help. Seriously need help. This is all a joke. Even in the odd event that I do run for president (odds are the limit as x approaches infinity of one divided by x) I certainly won't be running under this theme. And it's not the 'hidden, secret' plan either. It's a joke. Nothing but a joke. (repeat ad nauseum) Get the idea?
