May 13, 2001

Proverbs 31:10-31

How to Be a Woman of Character

  1. Introduction
    1. Illustration – Here’s a list of sayings of mothers of famous people I got several months ago from Pam Mattson. Paul Revere’s mother: I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew! Mona Lisa’s mother: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us? Columbus’ mother: I don’t care what you’ve discovered. You still could have written! Michelangelo’s mother: Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling? Batman’s mother: It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be? Goldilocks’ mother: I got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie? And Albert Einstein’s mother: But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something with your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?
    2. Context – We all have some ideas of what we think a mother should say or do. But what is God’s standard? Let’s take a look at Proverbs 31:10-31 and see.
  1. Scripture Passage
  1. Proverbs 31:10-31 - A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
  2. One of the biggest myths around is that the "Proverbs 31 woman" is a model of unattainable perfection that all women should strive after. There are two major problems: first, that nobody is perfect in their behavior; and second, that unattainable perfection is NOT what this passage is talking about. Instead, it is a very practical guide to help all women become women of character who are pleasing to God. This morning we’re going to see what these practical tips are.
  1. Character
    1. Before we get into the text, there is one issue we have to settle: what is character? Character is closely associated with integrity. In other words, it means being the same inside as you are on the outside. In Christian circles, it means that you are on the inside everything you profess to be on the outside. So a woman or wife of noble character is one whose character reflects God’s character. In other words, who God is can be seen in who this woman is. Translation, ladies: there is hope of you becoming a woman of character if you aren’t there yet!
    2. Before we talk about where to start, there are a couple of things we need to make clear. First of all, we men need to listen, because we have a relational connection with these women. So as their brothers and sons in Christ we need to do whatever we can to help them on their journey. That’s part of the Philippians passage we looked at last week. You know, the part about Christian love meaning giving others preferential treatment. Helping these ladies falls under that. So let those of us of the male gender here this morning commit to help these ladies on their spiritual journey.
    3. The second thing we need to make clear this morning is this: this message is for all of the ladies here this morning. Will all the ladies please stand? Ladies, all of you are spiritual mothers. You may not be married. You may not have kids around. But all of you are the spiritual mothers of this flock and of your personal sphere of influence. Now whether you choose to mother spiritually for good or for evil is up to you. If you deal with sin in your life, if you seek to love and follow God wholeheartedly, if you seek to share His love with others, then you will give birth to life spiritually wherever you go.
    4. So where to begin the journey? First, there can be absolutely nothing between you and God. You cannot harbor sin in your heart and life and still be a woman of character. So get your relationship with God back on the right path through Jesus Christ our Lord and then you will be ready to move on and to allow God to change your heart so that you can be a woman of character.
    5. Illustration – Winston Churchill said, Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. What you choose to do about the truth of what you’re hearing today is up to you. But if you want to be pleasing to God, stick around mentally and spiritually and apply the truth in the passage to your life.
  1. The Characteristics of a Woman of Character
    1. So what are the characteristics that define a woman of character? First, verses 10 and 11 tell us that she is trustworthy. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. If a woman has noble character, then those around her will benefit from that eternal value. Those around her will be able to trust her. Being trustworthy is simple: you do what you say you’ll do, you don’t tell lies, you don’t gossip, and you don’t break confidences. Who wants to share themselves with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’ll do, who tells them lies or lies about them, who gossips, who tells others what is supposed to be kept secret? No one does. And, really, if we rely on our own strength to be trustworthy, we won’t make it. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us to follow through on our word, to be truthful, to not gossip, and to keep confidences. A woman or man who is like that has taken a big step to becoming a person of noble character.
    2. The second characteristic of a woman of noble character is that she is hardworking. Verses twelve through seventeen are filled with examples of the hard work that this woman does. And, as verse 13 puts it, she works with eager hands. Being hardworking implies more than just action – it implies an attitude. In other words, she is dedicated to meeting the needs of others and works hard and smart to accomplish that goal. Working hard doesn’t necessarily mean constant activity, although that can be a part of it. It also means using your head. Look at verse sixteen – She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. A woman of noble character doesn’t just do a lot of stuff; she does those things that will bring positive return. Those things which are beneficial not only to herself but also to others, especially her family. If you want to be a woman of noble character, then you’ve got to prioritize those things that need to get done and only do those at the top of the list. Let me share with you a way of prioritizing. You make a list with three headings: what absolutely has to get done today, what can wait until tomorrow, and what can be done after that. And you make a new list each day. When you get today’s stuff done, then you can launch into tomorrow’s early if you have time. Part of the column that can be done after tomorrow is sometimes long-term projects that you need to do little parts of each day so those little parts should go on today’s list. The rest of that column is stuff that probably you’ll never do because it will never be important enough. So after a few days you can eliminate it. Using a system like this is working hard and working smart, just like the woman of character.
    3. The third characteristic is diligence, otherwise known as persistence. Verse eighteen – and her lamp does not go out at night. That means that she is careful to pay attention to details and to be persistent in following through on them. In the culture in which this was written, the best way to keep a burglar out besides barring the door was to keep a lamp lit. If a lamp was lit, you could never be sure if someone was up or if there was simply a light on. And if a lamp was burning a burglar could be very easily spotted. The verse also implies that she didn’t stop working when it got dark. Now think about this – during the winter it gets dark as early as four-thirty or five. If you stop working that early you miss out on a couple of hours of work. So you have to be diligent to make sure that the wick stays trimmed and that the lamp stays full of oil. Again, not something you can pull off on a regular basis except by the power of the Holy Spirit. But a woman who is trustworthy, hardworking and diligent has come a long way toward becoming a woman of noble character.
    4. In verse twenty, we see generosity. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. So we’re not just talking about generosity, we’re talking about compassionate generosity. Hugging and walking the needy through to the other side. Seeking to meet their needs in spite of what it costs personally. Most of us are generous to a point – we’ll give up to a limit we’ve already set in our minds. But what if God calls us to give more? A seminar I went to this week describes people as "miracles disguised as needs." In other words, God wants to meet their need in a supernatural way by using His people and their time and their talents and their resources by the power of His Spirit. Any person who wants to have noble, godly character has got to be willing to give whatever God commands no matter what. It’s part of the package.
    5. Then in verses 21 and 22 we see that the woman of noble character is nurturing. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. She is a caregiver. She provides her household with garments that will protect them from the cold. She has a mother’s heart for those in her family. She wants to nurture and protect them from anything that might harm them. Ladies, not only does this apply to your relatives, but also to your church family. That’s part of spiritual motherhood. Providing a nurturing and caring environment. And that is so important, because being in an environment like that will help make people comfortable enough that they will be able to listen to God’s Spirit speak to them. Our church will only be as nurturing and caring as our spiritual mothers are. So if you want to be on the path of becoming a woman of noble character, you’ve got to be trustworthy, hardworking, diligent, generous, and nurturing. But there’s more.
    6. We also see that this woman has to be respectful. Verse 23 says, Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. The city gate was where business was transacted and where the city was governed. If a man’s wife was disrespectful in front of these men, he would lose his standing. If she treated him with proper dignity and respect, he would gain standing. Now I’m not saying that you should treat any man like he is God. Or that you are any man’s slave. But we are all Christ’s slaves, and as such we must treat each other with respect. I know it’s hard to be respectful when a man is not acting the way he should, but as the saying goes "two wrongs don’t make a right!" Treating others with respect is crucial to becoming a woman of noble character.
    7. Verse 25 says, She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. In other words, she isn’t worried. Where do her strength and dignity come from? From the faith that has allowed her to develop these other characteristics. Strength and dignity and a lack of worry can only come from a heart full of faith in God. Being full of faith is another characteristic of a woman of noble character.
    8. Then we see that she is wise and shares that wisdom with those around her. Part of being wise is knowing when to talk and when not to. And, as a demonstration of that wisdom, she is faithful. Verse 27 – She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Faithfulness involves diligence, but it also involves knowing that you’ve always got to be there when you’re needed. Being there when you’re needed involves wisdom. So to be a woman of noble character you’ve got to be wise and faithful.
    9. All of these things cause her, as verses 28 and 29 describe, to be a blessing. She adds eternal, positive spiritual value to those who know her best. To those of her family. We are a family, so a woman who is trustworthy, hardworking, diligent, generous, nurturing, respectful, full of faith, wise, and faithful will add positive, eternal spiritual value to her church family. All of us will be able to see it. But we have to remember that there is a process to getting there. You don’t just become a woman of noble character overnight. Remember a little while ago when we talked about having nothing between you and God? That’s where verses 30 and 31 fit in. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Surface stuff doesn’t matter. Seeking recognition doesn’t matter. What matters is what’s inside of you. Having a healthy, reverent respect of God will get you started on the right path, the path of becoming a woman of noble character. God will reward those who seek to develop that character by developing their relationship with Him. So don’t seek the rewards. Seek the Giver of the rewards, and they will come. Seek after God, and ask Him to make you into a woman of noble character.
  1. Conclusion
    1. I’d like to end this message a little bit differently than usual. I’d like all of the ladies to please stand again. Now I’d like the men to gather around them and pray for them. Pray that God will take them wherever they are at in their journey toward becoming a woman of noble character and help them to complete that journey. Pray that God will draw them closer to Himself. And pray His blessing and protection over them. And I’d like some of the guys, either now or when you’re done praying for the ladies in here, to go and pray for the ladies who are working with the little kids downstairs and the bigger kids upstairs. After everyone’s back, we’ll pray together.
    2. Let’s pray.

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