July 8, 2001

Colossians 3:12-14

How to Forgive

1. Introduction

1. Illustration – I received this story and commentary by email quite a while ago, but seeing it in a magazine reminded me of just how important it is. There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. And he was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target. And getting a little discouraged; he headed back to dinner. As he was walking back, he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the woodpile, only to see his sister watching. Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch that day, Grandma said, "Sally, let’s wash the dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen today, didn’t you, Johnny?" And then she whispered to him, "Remember, the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes. Later Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing, and Grandma said, "I’m sorry, but I need Sally to help me make supper." But Sally smiled and said, "Well, that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help." And she whispered again, "Remember, the duck?" So Sally went fishing, and Johnny stayed. After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s, he finally couldn’t stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he killed the duck. She knelt down, gave him a big hug and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window, and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. But I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you"… Jesus Christ was standing at the window. And he saw the whole thing. But because he loves you, he will forgive you if you but ask.
2. Context – Let’s see what Paul has to say about forgiveness in Colossians 3:12-14.

1. Scripture Passage

1. Colossians 3:12-14 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
2. Perhaps one of the most difficult tasks we face on this earth is forgiving others. We struggle with that, mostly because we see such a wide gap in ourselves between what we’ve been commanded to do and what we actually do. But what God has to say in His Word can enable us to overcome this problem.

1. Revenge vs. Forgiveness

1. I can’t remember where I read it, but someone wrote that the essence of forgiveness is in giving up our right to make the other person pay for what they’ve done. Making someone pay for what they’ve done can also be called revenge. Paul said, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." In true forgiveness, there can be no room either for revenge or for vindicating ourselves. Saint Augustine wrote, And Thou knowest how far Thou hast already changed me, who first healedst me of the lust of vindicating myself, that so Thou mightest forgive all the rest of my iniquities, and heal all my infirmities, and redeem life from corruption, and crown me with mercy and pity, and satisfy my desire with good things: who didst curb my pride with Thy fear, and tame my neck to Thy yoke. And now I bear it and it is light unto me, because so hast Thou promised, and hast made it; and verily so it was, and I knew it not, when I feared to take it. As Augustine found out, there is freedom in forgiveness.
2. In Matthew 6:14-15, he records Jesus’ commentary after the Lord’s Prayer: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. That is a sobering thought, because there have been many people in my life I’ve had a hard time forgiving. I’d rather ignore this passage. Paul tells us to "clothe" ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. The Greek for "clothe" literally means to put on like clothing or like armor. That means two things: first, we have to make the effort to put on these virtues, especially the love that unifies all of it together; and second, we have to allow these virtues to become the filter through which we process the words and actions of other people. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love can become the armor that keeps unforgiveness out of our hearts if we will allow them to. And that takes a conscious choice. It’s not a feeling – it’s a choice. Whether or not we feel forgiving, by our commitment to forgive as expressed by our actions we can express forgiveness to others. The feelings will come later. And, as Augustine found, we will find freedom.
3. A. B. Bruce, in the nineteenth century classic The Training of the Twelve, wrote, A vindictive temper… is one of the vices fostered by an ambitious spirit. An ambitious man is sure to be the receiver of many offences, real or imaginary. He is quick to take offence, and slow to forgive or forget wrong. Forgiving injuries is not in his way: he is more in his element when he lays hold of his debtor by the throat, and with ruffian fierceness demands payment. The kind of man Bruce describes is the one we tend to be most like. So what do we do?

1. Freedom from an Unforgiving Spirit

1. In Galatians 5:1, Paul writes, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. He knows that Christ died to free us from sin. He knows that unforgiveness is a form of slavery. He knows that only Christ can set us free from that burden. And it is a burden. When we refuse to forgive someone, it hurts us far more than it hurts that person. So what do we do?
2. First, as we talked about a few minutes ago, put on the virtues of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love by the power of the Holy Spirit as armor to change the way you view people and to help protect you from having an unforgiving spirit. We talked about the filters that determine how we view others and what they say and do. Larry Crabb, in The Safest Place on Earth, wrote, When we’re abused or rejected or criticized, we don’t look at these painful experiences as reason to more clearly depend on God and demonstrate His character in the midst of them. Instead, they become the basis for our figuring out how to live. We interpret life experiences, we process them to see how various things make us feel so we can make important decisions about how to live. We have to change those filters that determine how we interpret life if we’re going to be able to forgive. One way to do that is to pray, "Holy Spirit, I need You to put compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and love on me like armor to protect my heart and mind from being unforgiving and to change the filters I have on the way I perceive people and what they way and do. I need Your help because I can’t do this on my own. I’m helpless! But I rest in Your arms and in Your ability to help me do what I can’t do on my own. In Jesus’ name, Amen." If you follow through on this commitment, God will be freed to change the way you thing and feel about others. And as time goes on you will find yourself more and more free from the burden of being judgmental.
3. This second practical help I have adapted from Neil Anderson’s book Victory over the Darkness, which has a chapter that is the best practical stuff on forgiveness I’ve ever read apart from the Bible. Take a piece of paper and writing down the names of everyone you’ve never forgiven and how they’ve hurt you. Then go down the list, read each name and offense and say, "In the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of His blood, I forgive you." After you go through the list, confess to God your sin of unforgiveness and that you are acting on the choice to forgive, even though you may not feel the emotions. Every time those old emotions of bitterness and anger begin to arise against someone on your list, don’t harbor those thoughts. Say to yourself, either in your mind or out loud if it helps, "I have made the choice before God and by the power of His blood to forgive this person and this offense, and I refuse to take up that burden again." Then ask God to help you focus your mind on something else, and do it.
4. If you’ve done either one of these things and you’ve experienced freedom from an unforgiving spirit, seek the Holy Spirit’s wisdom to see if there is someone you need to express your forgiveness to. Sometimes people are kept in tremendous bondage to guilt and shame because they have hurt someone, and they need the release that only knowing that person they’ve hurt forgives them can give.
5. If none of these helps, if you’re still not convinced you need to forgive because someone has hurt you and scarred you so badly, maybe you just need to hear straight from Scripture what Jesus says about the whole thing. Matthew 18:21-35: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" ²² Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. ²³ "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. ²⁶ "The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. ²⁸ "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. ²⁹ "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ ³⁰ "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. ³² "Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. ³⁵ "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

1. Conclusion

1. Folks, we have a wonderful opportunity today to experience freedom like we never have before. There are those here this morning who are harboring unforgiveness against others of our congregation. There are those here this morning who have been reeling for years under the bondage of childhood abuse. There are others who haven’t forgiven their spouses for wrongs done to them. There are children who haven’t forgiven their parents. There may be those who’ve been through divorce who haven’t forgiven their ex. I’m not saying this will be an easy process, because it often takes time for us to allow God to work through these issues with us. And maybe some of us need to talk to someone who can help us talk out these issues and help us to see God’s hand in them. We have to recognize that the enemy of our souls is working against us every step of the way. But greater is the One Who is in us that the one who is against us.
2. Maybe the person you need to forgive is you. All of this still applies. God wants us to forgive ourselves just as much as He wants us to forgive others. God wants to set us free! It is for freedom that Christ has set you free!!!
3. With every head bowed and every eye closed, if you’ve been struggling with this whole issue of forgiveness, and you want to be free from the bondage of an unforgiving spirit, please raise your hand. Raise it as your way of telling God that you’re going to follow in His footsteps as He leads you through whatever barriers that stand between you and forgiving others and yourself. If this is you, raise your hand now.
4. Let’s pray.