Chode Stories

Once upon a time...long before the chode empire fell, there were three beautiful chode goddesses who went on many journeys together. The most interesting of these was the expansion journey. The expedition was meant to spread the joys and harmony of the chode.
It was such fun. The girls did alot more than spread the joy and harmony. Everybody got lovin' when they needed it most. Many, oh so many, were chodetised (baptism of the chode). This was a very interesting procedure. First the slave is stripped, strapped into the 69 machine and flipped. Then each chode goddess spits on the subjects neutral (or in some cases, dirty and evil) chode and makes it holy. The years of neglect melt away, in seconds, and the chode GLOWS. It is truly a magical experience.

(You have successfully inspired me to write a tale of the chode. OK, as you read, hum along the tune of the chode. Here we go....) The chode goddesses and their trusty servants/slaves throttled at unspeakable speeds down an unknown road. The chode mobile housed Rocky, Rich, Dave, Jeff, and a prescious new addition -lets call him Spanky. They sang songs and talked chode talk. They picked up another friend, Kate, and strapped her on the roof with her butt-loving boyfriend. They had a mission, a mission of LOVE. As the kiddos passed farms and deserts, they came upon a broken down bus on the side of the road; a bus painted the colors of the rainbow, and more. It was a busload of hippies, rainbow warriors. They were in need of help. The chodal caravan pulled off the worn road in the chodemobile, the picture of luxory. All of the hippies crammed into the stationwagon and they were off to Hippieville USA. The chodists' mission was to find a place, a mecca of sorts, to expand and built a new holy house o' chode.
At the gas station on the way, the loveable caravan met trouble. A fat fuckface (who answered to the name of "Brian") would not sell us spagotas(chode for cigarettes). He accused our hippy friends of stealing batteries and refused to distribute gasoline. Twiggy, one of the chode goddesses, pissed and gassey, decided to blast his ass away. Sinse chodists don't carry weapons on them, she was forced to use her secreat, most dangerous weapon of all. She jumped onto the counter in the station and asked for the bathroom key. Of course the fourskin refused her commands. DENIED Queen Twiggy of her defication time!?!? It was time for the ultimate torture (which often times proved fatal). Twiggy proceeded to turn around and gave a mighty grunt. Pow Pow Pow Blam! Round One. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Round Two. "Do you wish for more or have you had enough?" Shouted Twiggy. Bryan got up- the initial blast had thrown him against the wall, the second round browned his pallid face and tore the clothes off his pudgy body. "Never, never, you gassy butthole," he responded. Twiggy jumped off the counter, grabbed a huge can of refried beans, and ate every morsel. Bryan went over to grab her. She smiled sweetly and walked out the door. By this time everyone had cleared out of the area, with each nostril assaulted and burning. Twiggy pushed her butt up against the glass door and shouted, "Take cover!" and let out round three, the most lethal round yet. Brian died a lonely death... Everyone went in after the smoke cleared out and grabbed food, spagotes, and every other possible thing that would be needed for this long, important journey. The hippies, the chodists, they all piled into Claudia, the chode goddess' car and drove off into the distance,... to be continued

(This story was written to a friend of mine who was stuck in military camp in Alabama a few years back. He recently found it and gave me a copy to put it into my chode stories collection. Here goes...)
(Oh yha, it's kind of cheesey)
Once upon a time in a city out in the middle of B.F.E., poor Mike was in a hell hole sort of place waiting for a real life to come back to him. Mike had to built fires and his own little crap hole in the ground, feline toilet of a sort, for his daily adventures. Mike had been waiting for this past year and a half for a letter from his good and dear friend/ chode goddess Claudia. He was so bored and still waiting for a letter. He was so lonely with nobody to actually talk to except for his own chode, and even that was beginning to bore him though cos his goddess never answered him back. Mike was getting so abused ( still waiting for Claudia's letter). He had to wake up at 4:00am and scrub the living area of the head people- let's call it the master's quarters, by 4:45am, he also had to help cook a four course breakfast for these head people and help prepare a menial potato breakfast for the other 500 people stuck in the camp with him, his schedule continued in it's gruelling agony in that manner all day long. Learning all the wonderful things to possibly learn about building tents, picking vegetables, and kissing white man's ass. The worst part of his position was that the prison poor Mike was being held in just so happened to not to not only deny him the right and space and respect of the chode, but also denied him the right to be a part of the chodist belief.
It's a real nice belief. The main goals are to love and purify your chode, to help yourself and your chode by keeping it in it's divine view, to practice the chodal exercises and pray not only to your chode but the the Great Chode, mother of all, and to help put an end to fourskins power.In the chodist belief, there are two prophets, called chode goddeses: Twiggy and Claudia. They, together felt and saw the vision of the Great Chode and soon learned that this was the truest of true. That chodism was the most wonderful truth to ever touch the earth. There are also two or three trusted chode slaves per chodess. Twiggy's being Rocky, Kim, and Amanda; Claudia's being Angie, Jeff, and Lisa. Each goddess has their own personal chode servant, who one day will take over as the next chode goddess/ god. Claudia's was Angie, Twiggy's was Rocky. The two chodesses and their servants of the chode are the only people with the ability to chodetise others.
So, back to poor Mike. Mike had had a pretty long day. He was allowed two beaks each day, about twenty minutes each. it was so frustrating, working so hard, aweful food, little rest, no freedom for self expression. Just as Mike was rady to give up forever and the ride the black chode to next world, a bright light filled the room. It was such a brilliant flame of light that the core was pitch black. Out of this light came Twiggy, Claudia, Angela, and Rockie, the four high earthly powers of the chode. Mike was in awe. Claudia stood forth and told Mike what he needed to know.
"Mike, listen to me well, for I have much to say. Firstly, yes I have written you, it's in the mail, you'd receive it tomorrow. I listen to your worries and your problems. I listen to your joys and your hopes also. I have not answered you for a number of good reasons. For sometimes divine intervention is not the right answer. I have a job to give you, good friend. The world is waiting. You need to put an end to your and all the other prisoners work at once."
to be continued next week, stay tuned.)