If you're visiting this site, thank you. Don't get many visitors, I cherish every one. Spend a lot of time on the surface feeling sorry for myself. Not with everyone, just with people like yourself who come to see my site here, or in poetry forums - like a last resort when I'm really feelin' blue.

I'm happy in my life most days, I really am... just hurts to touch what's missin in my life. I imagine love for me so well, and so many people tell me I deserve so much, that I'm so so special, and I have to wonder how much of that is just smoke they're blowing up my ass. Heh, you know the drill.

I don't mean to bore you like this, just tired of me now. Tired of getting my hopes up, and writing plagues of misery when I fall on my face. I'm alright, doing just fine... and love - as much as it hurts to be without it, as well as I know it's face for being so long without it... I'm alright.

So enough of that. If there's anything that you need to talk about, get off your chest, just talk to anyone about it... make you feel better, I'm more than happy to listen. It may be just me sayin' so, but I am trustworthy and I'm not gonna hurt you. I can't guarantee much, but if you talk to me I can tell you I will listen - and my e-mail is always open.

Take care of yourself,
And e-mail me if you like.

Jeremy Redinger

December 14, 2002 -

Not the most wonderful of days... but not the worst either. I get tired so very often. I wrote a poem... thought I should put it up. People tend to relate to my poetry, it makes me feel better when they do. So here... this is me, transparent. Thank you for reading...

Alone

A tear could never express what I feel inside,
A sunrise could never comfort my spirit.

There is no place of hope,
Nothing that makes things the way they should be...
Or maybe it's just the way I feel they should be...

I ache inside.
I have no one...

I have nothing at all,
empty inside and out
the pain leeches my soul from my skin...

I haven't the energy to carry on,
I've never had the energy to even begin.

and I cry.

A woman's wants,
With a womans needs...
What a person needs in this cold world;
I feel scared, alone...

I love so much,
But I have little to love.
So much to give and share of myself,
but nothing more.

I am alone in this world,
alone with my tears and whimpers...
All alone,
and it hurts to feel the days as they slip away...

It hurts to feel how much I care.
It hurts that no one cares.

I have nothing...

I have no work or will to work...
No goals or drive;
I'm lost in the enigma of my life,
Lost without soul or heart to share.

I am curse and sickness...
A plague that etches it's way deeper into my own heart.
and I am alone.

I have nothing to give,
I cannot give what a woman wants or needs today.
I want to live and be happy and content,
Live life of peace and joy;
Sharing myself with the people I care about;
Having someone to live for...

but I am empty,
without energy...
without hope...
Clinging to sanity from strings as fine as silk.
From tears that cling to my lashes,
before they fall...

Grow up,
Make something of myself...
Attract women to what I can do,
Or who I can become...

But none of that matters...
Because no woman in the world could ever fall in love,
not with the things I have,
or the things I've done...
but for me alone,
with nothing to offer,
but my love and a gentle touch...

...alone



-jeremy redinger


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