Or

Too Fat To Run, Part II

Hi, my name is poesson, and I am an armchair survivalist. I am recovering now, but I will always have to fight myself to keep control and stay active.

You laugh. But it's hard. Staying active, training, and constantly learning something new is a struggle. Too often, we want to sit back and watch the tube, surf the net, or whatever else you may do during a particular mood. During the course of this article, I want to share some things that I have learned. I want to cover some of the successes, failures, and continuing struggles I have had. Some of the things I mention are of a personal nature, and are at times hard to discuss. I hope by sharing, though, maybe someone will take something from this and use it to their advantage and not make the same bad choices I have made.

My interest in survivalism started out a few years ago. About 1990, I began reading the American Survival Guide, along with the rest of my gun magazines each month. At the time, and for the next few years, it was more about having fun reading about new gadgets and so forth. Then about 1993, when the crime bill was being bandied about, I sat up and took notice. I started to get more serious. I wrote letters to my Congressmen expecting to see immediate results. They were not forthcoming.

  I voted and did all of the things that a good citizen was supposed to do. But as I kept watch, I noticed the change in our culture (due largely to this administration) and noticed the decline of the country's values since the Reagan years. I had already started collecting guns, magazines, and so forth before things were too expensive to obtain. But, I still hadn't really committed to a survivalist lifestyle. I was content on patting myself on the back for my awareness, and for my willingness to listen to Rush Limbaugh every day.

  Then in 1995, I saw the news reports when the Oklahoma City bombing occurred, and I knew something was terribly wrong. I took a few steps back and investigated other items of interest, such as the Siege at Waco, and the altercation at Ruby Ridge. In my investigations, there were different references to materials on the internet. So, I decided to buy a computer. This was a life changing experience.

  There was so much information out there, it was overwhelming. But I noticed a trend in what I was reading. The scary part of all of this information being out there is that it isn't in one place. You don't get knocked over by one huge expose reporting the terrors of huge government, or federal agencies gone bad. You acquire this information gradually, piece by piece, pulling it from here and there until one day you sit back and say, "My God."

  I did that one day, and decided at that time I needed to do something to prepare myself for things that might unfold. So, like any good survivalist (or at least 90% of them), I went out and bought more guns. I bought holsters. I bought ammunition. Once again, I applauded my actions. I was there. I was ready for whatever came through my door. I was a bona fide, genuine article, real McCoy survivalist.

  No, I wasn't. As I continued my search on the internet, I started going to message boards and looking at what people were posting. I would jump in and speechify from my soapbox and describe my state of readiness for all to hear and see. But as I delved deeper into what I was reading, well, I began to mature a little, and at times was humbled by what I read. There were people out there doing so much more than buying guns. They were procuring items other than guns for when (as we've all seen) TSHTF.

  I did not tarry or linger about! I went out and started procuring my own things. I obtained firestarters, different camping equipment, flashlights, water purifiers, and any other item I saw was needed. I then packed them away carefully, sure they would not get broken, and reclined in a true state of security and peacefulness. I was really ready this time!

No, I wasn't. I was just becoming aware of the vast amount of knowledge that was required in all different aspects of survivalism. Sheesh! There was too much to learn! Canning, first aid, shelter and fire building, land navigation, shelf life of foods, cleaning game, communications, water purification techniques, and the list just went on and on. But, undaunted by the overwhelming task at hand, I began my quest for knowledge on all things survival. Months and months of research into every aspect of survivalism I could think of. Type in the word "survival" in a search engine and tell me how many hits you get. I'll guarantee I've been to every one of them. This was no longer a hobby, it was quickly becoming a job!

That was all right. I was learning tremendous amounts, and I would soon be the modern day equivalent of Daniel Boone. I sifted and poured through all the information I could find until I was done. Done! That was it. I learned it all!! So I thought.

I came across an web page with a message board and different files. It was put up by this group called the Alpha Group. I might be wrong, but I think it was around May or June of 1998. Ah, well, why not? I'll read it. Oh, come on? Who does this? I'm reading about team drills, maneuvers, training sessions. I read articles on getting proficient with your equipment. Wait, that's a new concept—practice!! Take your equipment out, jump start your brain, and see what you've learned.

Now come on. Is this really necessary? I mean I took the stuff out of the box. I know what it does. It says right here on the side of the box! Do I really need to do that? Nah…I'll just hang out here. If the (as they say) TSHTF, well, I'm sure I'll know what to do. Just read the directions!

It doesn't go like that folks. I'm here to tell you. You have to take your stuff out and learn to use it. You won't have any idea what tolerances your equipment and your knowledge can withstand unless you put them to use. What if that really cool knife you bought doesn't make it through a weekend? How about that new purifier that starts clogging after about four gallons? What if that pack weighs more on you than it did sitting at home on the floor? These are all things you will not know if you do not go out and practice, practice, practice. Finally, this brings me to the personal matter I alluded to earlier.

I am overweight. I have read all of the articles about people talking about being in shape and being able to care for themselves and their loved ones. But, my pride declared, "I can do it…no problem." But at the same time I was hesitant to go out and do the work, and do the exercise. Maybe there was something nagging at the back of my mind that I might be wrong, and I just didn't want to admit it.

Then one day, I read an article called "Too Fat to Run" by an Alpha member, and for some reason it struck a chord with me. Here I was claiming to be a survivalist, but I was not in shape to do anything really physical for extended periods of time. I had been battling obesity for most of my life, and to be candid, it was not a battle that I fought desperately. It was too easy leaning back in the easy chair, or sitting in front of my computer. I often said that I tried dieting, but taking an honest look at myself, I would have to say, "No, you haven't."

 So there it was. Sitting before me were my choices. Either put up or shut up. Since I have started the current campaign against my weight, I have lost 65 pounds. Am I svelte? Am I more aerodynamic? Let's just say, "more than I was." I still have a long way to go. I have allowed a life of excess and inactivity to not only compromise my health, but the safety and security of those around me. Have I committed a cardinal sin? No, I don't think so, except to consider what I have done to myself. It is a very vicious cycle, and it is easy to get caught in it. You don't exercise because you're overweight, so you do nothing but watch T.V. and eat. The weight piles on, causing you to not want to exercise again.

 When all of this starts happening, you notice something else. People's perceptions of you change. As surely as I know someone reading this is changing their opinion about me now, people do view you differently when you are overweight. They see someone they consider is lazy, slovenly, unkempt. And they will make remarks to you like, "You carry it well." Then one day you notice that you're always the biggest person in the room, and you become self-conscious when you go to a restaurant. Finally you get to a point when someone two tables away is pointing at you and laughing…saying, "He is a big one." Don't think it doesn't happen. It did to me. An off duty soldier and his girlfriend were having their conversation and their laughs at my expense. When they got up to leave, I followed him outside and asked if I could speak with him. When we spoke, I advised him the next time he wanted to make fun of someone, it might be more polite to do it in a way so they wouldn't hear the remarks. He denied it at first, but when I called him on it, he apologized and said he didn't know why he did it. Maybe he'll think twice about it in the future.

I don't tell you this to garner any sympathy and to illustrate how bad I've had it. I tell you this so you become aware and avoid the same mistakes that I have made. And if you are on that downhill slide, maybe you can turn it around before it becomes overwhelming. I do want to clarify one thing. I am not grotesque, in fact, I'm a good looking guy. I am well groomed, clean, and I do not consider myself lazy. I work side by side with other people and if you ask my friends, they'll tell you I am the go to guy. I am the one you go to when you need help cleaning up after a tornado, or when you need a ride at 3 in the morning, or when you need some walking around money to get you by. When you call, I am the first one there to help. I am just overweight.

I weigh in about 350 right now and let me tell you, when you strap a 45 lb. Pack on top of all that, it's hard to get around. Being overweight creates all sorts of problems for you. You don't realize them right away because they sneak up on you gradually. You get short of breath after three flights of stairs, then two, and finally it gets the point you won't visit a building because it doesn't have an elevator! (Sorry, a little humor. It's not that bad yet). But it can create difficulties in your life. It affects your ability to run, hike, and to even walk.

Let me say that again. It complicates your ability to walk. This is where the story gets personal and a little graphic, so you might want to skip this paragraph. But being overweight does not endear you to shopping. In fact, you avoid it at all costs. And if you are gaining weight, then at times you are wearing pants and shirts that are too snug, especially for physical activity. Because of the additional weight on my legs, when I walk the material in the seams will catch and rub my thighs and create blood blisters. This is not something I have told anyone in my life, as I have always felt it too embarrassing. But I hope that it wakes some people up before it happens to them. When I try to exercise by walking, hiking, or moving around, I have done so until my legs have literally bled. These places are excruciatingly painful after a while and believe me, very discouraging to physical activity. I would imagine I am not the only person to suffer this ailment, but it just doesn't get a lot of press. So think twice the next time you criticize someone for being lazy and not exercising, you may not know the whole story. Yet, I march on…

Another problem my weight has caused is a condition called sleep apnia. This is a condition where you do not receive enough oxygen at night and leaves you very tired the next day, and the day after. It also creates problems with the cardiac system because without the proper flow of oxygen, the heart can become enlarged and this is not a malady with which you want to be afflicted. Essentially, the weight around my neck and throat effectively closes my airway while lying on my back, so I cannot get a restful sleep. This necessitates wearing a device like a jet fighter's mask while you sleep. It delivers—actually it forces air into you at night while you drift and dream. How about a Y2K scenario for you?? What do you do when Y2K rolls around and there's no power? How do you get your oxygen at night? These things aren't powered by batteries. Even camping out creates problems because of this issue. I am one of those who is very dependent upon power right now. However, I hope the problem goes away when my excess weight goes away. This was one of the primary reasons I decided to start losing my weight.

As I stated earlier, my intention is not to wheedle sympathy, but to educate even if only one person about this topic. A lot of people don't want to gain weight, but there are more real reasons to avoid it than just how you look. I hope if you read this you will take stock of your situation and turn back if you are starting down this road. It's not a road worth travelling.

But in the meantime, I have to keep plodding ahead. I have to keep trying to lose the weight and getting myself back into the physical condition that I once took for granted. And during the course of all of this, I will keep being the same person. That's right, the same person. So many remarks about fat people are true. Maybe I can't pull as long a haul right now out in the woods as the next guy. Maybe I have to spend a little extra time picking out a tactical thigh holster because of the size of the leg straps. And maybe I won't be the fastest one when we're on the move. But, I might be the one willing to stay and give you cover. So, don't dismiss me.

Even though I have limitations and the art of survivalism can be physically demanding, I am intelligent, resourceful, loyal, clever, analytical and a host of other good qualities. So are quite a few people out there. We all have our limitations. Whether we want to admit them or not, we have them. There are very few of us who are gifted in every way. That means that sometimes, there other factors to consider beyond just this consideration.

I don't have to be thin to help you through hard times, or give you shelter, or get your back when the times are tough. I want to be thin, and I will be thin to ensure that I have done everything I possibly can to ensure the integrity of my team, and the safety of those around me. So, go ahead and test me. Put me through the challenges, and until I compromise you, or someone else, treat me as an equal. I am an equal you know, and in some areas, I might even be better. That's what survivalism is about…leaving doors open, utilizing resources, and never burning bridges. So, don't dismiss me. You just might have the benefit of me being there for you one day.

In sum, it has been a great learning curve for me, and I find that my attitudes change, and my thought processes mature every day in regard to survivalism. The important thing is to be willing to learn and then to do. All of the fancy toys (though I do like my toys) won't replace simple experience and seasoning. Am I there yet? No, not really. As with all things, I have a ways to go. But my approach is right now, and all of this has lead me in new directions with positive results. I hope that some of this is helpful to you or someone you know. I hope this article has the same effect on at least one like that one article had on me. As I leave you to your journey ahead, let me tell you a saying my grandpa used to quote to me when I was too rash or hasty in making quick assessments on other people.

"Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes…That way when you do, you're a mile away and have his shoes."

poesson

Return to The Alpha Group Web Page