Excuses, excuses

Homework hassles already? Yes the honeymoon is over

By Globe Staff, 9/19/2002

That renewed sense of

industry and accomplishment that children have at the beginning of school, when parents think, "Wow, maybe this year will

be different," wears off as quickly as the point on a No. 2 pencil. By now, children remember that school lasts a long time,

and parents remember what a headache homework can be. Here are some frequently heard homework laments with

suggestions from Child Caring columnist Barbara F. Meltz on how to deal with them.

"I can't do this, it's too hard!"

Avoid saying, "Don't be silly, of course you can,"

and offer sympathy ("You know what? You've been

working hard. How about a hot chocolate break?")

followed by support ("Let's look at the outline.

Can you write a topic sentence?"). Breaking work

into smaller, more manageable pieces is especially

helpful with projects. Of course, homework may be

inappropriate, too hard, or too easy. If your school

doesn't have a homework policy, lobby for one.

t onight. I'll do it after!"

Children need to feel they have some control over

their life. Try it once her way. If she ends up working

past midnight, that's a powerful consequence that

can stand as a reference point for years to come.

Next week, give her the chance to redeem herself:

"Tonight is basketball. What's your plan for getting

homework done before you go?" Another approach

is to create an agreement (written, if necessary)

when she signs up for any extra-curricular activity:

Homework comes first; some weeks, the activity

will be sacrificed.

"I promised I'd e-mail her at 7!"

"I'm hungry/tired/sick."

If every procrastination ends in a battle, try using

a timer to establish 10- or 15-minute study chunks

broken up by 5- to 8-minute breaks with prescribed

activities (a snack, a few jumping jacks, a 3-minute

phone call). Over time, you can stretch the work

chunks and shorten the breaks so that by middle

school, a work chunk might be however long it takes

to complete a particular subject. It takes commitment,

patience, and the ability to say in a matter-of-fact

way, "Gee, I didn't hear the timer go off."

"But I work better with music!"

Believe it or not, researchers say some teenagers

actually do. Not so for elementary school children,

however; they need a quiet, media-free homework

environment.

"I can't go to bed, I'm not finished!"

Children need their sleep. They also need to complete

their work. Sending him to bed when it's not

done takes control away from him. Does this happen

often? Is it because he misjudges how much

time the work will take, or because the work is never

done to his satisfaction? For the latter, introduce the

concept of "good enough." ("I can see you like it to

be perfect, but this is good enough.") If that doesn't

work, enlist the teacher's help; perfectionism can

be a real problem. For children who underestimate

how long it will take, try to figure out why: Is she

over scheduled? Does she procrastinate? Is the work

too difficult? A horrific late night may help an older

child correct her own time-management mistakes;

a consistent problem begs for teacher input.

"I don't have any homework."

Ask your child to keep a journal for assignments,

including writing "no homework" even in second or

third grade. Beyond checking the journal or asking,

"Are you sure?" you have to take a child at his word

unless it becomes a habitual problem. Before it

gets to that point, confer with the teacher.

Here again, it's best to take a child at her word,

unless it becomes a problem. However, a policy of

no TV on school nights and a finite time on the computer

after homework is an objective way to ensure

that homework doesn't get rushed through. You can

also institute spot checks ("Show me what you

did for English today.") Avoid too much criticism

("I would never turn in work this sloppy!"); that's the

teacher's job. If work is consistently

below your child's level, talk

to the teacher.

This story ran on page H1 of the Boston Globe on 9/19/2002.
© Copyright 2002 Globe Newspaper Company.