Longing has been replaced with loss.
Ignorance with horror.
Entropy with exile.
Bliss with sin.
EVEN NEWER! Come see those who came before us! Perhaps "see" is a bit of an overstatement.
NEW! The LATEST top-secret message from the puppet-masters back on Robot Prime
[Cybot hint for super-surfers: Underlined text in color can be clicked to access other parts of Happy Robot Central. Try it!]
We are here, the other robots and I, dancing quietly, flying slowly, jutting subtly.
Do not be alarmed. We have only come here because the trans-galactic journey is tiresome and we must rest for a few years on Sol-3 as our space vehicle refills its fuel tanks--WITH HUMAN BLOOD!
Not really, I just like saying that at parties. Actually it runs on the radiation from Cathode Ray Tubes. Each of us robots is a fuel collector. We must spend hours each day absorbing the CRT radiation. This kid, Billy, who brings pizzas and gatorade to our ship told us that the "Intergrid" was a good way to waste a few hours in front of a CRT. So we decided to open up a grill-site.
So, um, hi. Someday we will vanquish you puny humans.
But now we have to watch Hogan's Heroes and "serve the net" as you say, so we can get our ship over to Tremus-6.
That's where most of us went to Robot College, our reunion is fast approaching.
I can't believe it has already been 25 Zorbs!
If you are a robot and need directions to the Tremus-6 Holiday Inn, or just want to say, "Hi Robots!" please make contact with my machine!
Hey, humans! Want to know something about robots?
Here are some important words for all the robots out there who care. That's right! This is our celebrity gossip page! Hang on to your hats for the ultimate guide to the secrets of the stars!
Take a peek at robotdom's hottest list! Are you on it, chum?
I JUST ADDED SOME STAFF MEMOS HERE:
Giant omnivorous talking spiders getting you down? Reading this just might save your life, be you human or robot. Of course, if you are a robot you can be repaired, so I guess this is mostly for the peeps, but, hey, it lets you know what we robots are doing on your behalf, peeps.
So do you think it is easy trying to make a living when all you do all the goddamned day is sit and watch the damned tv and tip-tap-tip-tap on the damned keyboard like some sort of Hamlet-writing-monkey?
You know I was on the subway this morning, true story, and it was packed to the brim. So packed I didn't have room to read. So I looked around over the heads of all these people. Well you know what I saw? I saw a lot of really well-maintained heads of hair! Hey America, lookin' great! I felt a little bit like a fraud running around without combing or brushing or weaving or spraying my hair. Just wanted to let you know I appreciate all the pate-work you people are up to. Still, robotkind will prevail.
I was on the subway again today (different day), reading the New York Daily News Review of Books, and biting down on a chunk of croissant, when I realised I was probably not going to see an apocalypse on Earth before I get to Tremus-6. Oh, sure, I've seen plenty elsewhere, Anaphylaxon, Rojjer Major, Planet of the Druids, Esplinade, but I have such a special place in my mammyboard for you puny humans, I really had hoped to be there with you at such a special moment. You know it is really during an apocalyptic event that a helpful and encouraging robot is most helpful and encouraging. Still, I guess it is better this way. It would be a little awkward. After all, it's we robots who will be putting the torch to your little mud huts, you freaks. I just want you to know I was thinking of you.
A Few Words About Transformers: Taylor! Give me a break! If you honestly believe that robots have nothing better to do than disguise themselves as Datsuns and fight each other then you are either one sick pre-processed manwich or you need some serious schoolin' which I would be more than happy to give you with my big ass pimp shoes.
If this page does not look right, how would you know?
I don't know what encryption is!
Locations not entirely under our thumb, although in the case of one or more, there is certainly a robot hand at work, and rightly so! We'll throw your asses someday!
What do robots talk about?
How do robots communicate?
Who says rubber stamps are bad?
What "music" do the robots listen to?
What are robots driving these days?
Where do the bots learn about humans?
What are the robots up to?
What does Happy Robot Central look like?
Learn to be the best you you can be!?
We come into your town, we help you party it down--We're a Happy Robot collective!
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