To Kill a Mocking Al:

-1

Al Builds Al World

By: Bill Shaffer

Typed by: Mike Stine

Publisher: Sean "the Oxymoron" Miller

Copyright 1996 (M.B.S. Corp.)

All further rights are hereby given to D.S. Inc. and all of its respective members

(Which would be all three of the people mentioned on the title page)

Next note: I REALLY don't recommend reading this unless you see yourself humorously!

"Wow!" said Mocking Al, "What an incredibly sappy place!" And Mocking Al was right, it was indeed very sappy. Inside the Pimento Loaf gates there were four subsections to keep you entertained. (If you're Mocking Al, and if you are, give me your address so I can send you a letter bomb.) There was Pathetic Land, Wimp Land, Dork Land, and Al's favorite . . . Dingy Land!

After hearing about this, the Dark Queen, Squid and three Al clones (or should I say clowns?) came for a visit. "Welcome," said Al, "You can stay here in the Rutabaga Hotel as long as you want."

However, (You knew that was coming, didn't you?) one of the Al clones was not a clone, but a flannel-morphed spy of Canadia who proceeded to return to Canadia and report to the Flannel God. (She had a Dimensional Trans-Pack handy.)

After telling the Flannel God about Al World and its visitors (and getting de-Alified) the Flannelian (a native of Canadia) had a new mission to accomplish. Now she had to inform Oxymoron the Moron an Swill Swill Swill (remember him?) of the situation. Thanks to her Dimensional Trans-Pack, it was easy to reach Cheesoria.

"A message from the Flannel God. . . " said the Flannelian.

"The who?"

"The Flannel God, he appeared in story 4.569301. . ."

"Oh yeah, him. Would you like fries with that?"

"No, but Mocking Al is building an amusement park called Al World!"

"Oh god no! Where'd he get the money for that?"

"I don't know, but we must destroy it. All of our enemies are there."

"Uh okay man."

"Spiffy, I've gotta go, I'll be back."

After that was done, the Flannelian had to find Swill. Considering Swill had an Intergalaxial Portal Projector (the thing that let's him appear everywhere) this should be reasonably difficult. All Flannelian though, were more intelligent than most people (unlike certain Mocking Al's) and she soon came up with an idea. the Flannelian pulled out a bright neon sign that said,(It actually talked too, it had a voice synthesizer) "Flannel 50% off, all flannel must go!" In a split second a flannel clad man sitting on a flying carpet appeared.

"I'll have three vests and a pair of socks." he quickly stated.

"Oh, sorry, just sold out. There is something else you could do that you would enjoy.

"What's that?"

"Go to an evil demonic place called Al World in order to sanctify it and kill the blasphemers (they don't like flannel) inside.

"Okay, I also have a friend with me . . ." he then pushed a flannel colored button on the carpet and a gaseous form popped out. "This is Peach, the genie."

"Off we go then!" exclaimed the Flannelian. She set out her Tran-Pack for mass portal and started it up.

-While they travel through a dimensional conduit I recommend that you get a Pepsi now-

-(I don't like Coke)-

There in the Flannel Citadel's meeting hall, seven heroes met to destroy the evil spawn of Al World. All of the well known Al-destroyers were there: Oxymoron the Moron, Bike Swine, the Flannelian God, Bean-O, Swill Swill Swill, Chuckles, and the Flannelian.

"Hey just who are you?" Bike asked the Flannelian.

In response, she waved a hand across her face revealing glowing eyes which continued to grow brighter until a blinding light flash left everyone seeing the figure of Klaws.

"How'd you do that?!" asked a shocked Chuckles.

"It's simple," said the amused Flannel God, "she has the ability to Flannel-Morph."

"How'd she get that?" Chuckles further inquired.

"Because she's a Flannel Goddess. (Surprise!) Now we need to find this notorious Al World and raze it to the ground."

-Meanwhile in Al World.-

"Fellow idiots," said Mocking Al as he started his speech, "we no longer need to live in fear of being killed over, and over, (and over, and over, and over) for now we have a sanctuary to save us. I now present the guard of Al World, a creature created by combining all of our powers . . . Shroomster Shrolley!" Mocking Al then pushed a button that caused an elevator to lift the monster out on to the floor.

It was hideous, a real mirror breaker. (Even a mother would shriek at the sight of this one.) Imagine a ten foot tall man shaped like a rat with a face uglier than Mocking Al's. (I always thought that was impossible.)

"This creature," continued Mocking Al, "will protect us from anything that would want to kill us. Shroomster Shrolley is invincible! (He thinks.) All of Mocking Al's friends then started to cheer.

-Now back to Canadia-

"Okay, we mustn't waste time, off we go to destroy Al World." said the Flannel God.

"Yes, let us teach them that they can't possess their own lives." said Klaws.

"Here we go!" yelled Swill Swill Swill as he got ready to teleport everyone to Mocking Al's dimension.

"Wait!" yelled Klaws, "Shouldn't we study our plan of action."

"Study?" asked Oxymoron.

"Plan?" asked the Flannel God.

Before Klaws was able to further explain proper study methods Swill Swill Swill teleported them all.

There they were, in the horrible, unsightly, disgusting (and just plain bad) Al World. Our heroes were standing at the main entrance to Al World: the sappiest place of all.

"Boy is this place sappy," said Bean-O (master of the obvious).

Chuckles ran up to Swill Swill Swill in terror and screamed out "Get me out of here! Um . . . I left the phone off the hook . . . I'm cooking bacon . . . the stereo's on . . .the bathtub is running over . . . PLEASE GET ME OUT !"

"Okay, alright, hold on." Swill Swill Swill then sent the scared to death Chuckles home. (Not many can withstand sheer Mocking Al stupidity.)

Bean-O had a slightly stronger will than Chuckles (as strong as a wet noodle) and was only frightened enough not to go in. "I'll set up camp and stand guard until you come back." said the half naked Greek dude leader.

The five remaining heroes continued by approaching the Pimento Loaf gates. As they reached the entrance a plastic Mocking Al sprang to life and said, "Greetings, welcome to Al World, have a sappy day!"

Bike then pulled out a sledge hammer and smashed the head with one well placed blow.

"Mphmm, fmmf m mphmph, mff m mfy mff." mumbled the crushed Al head.

Suddenly from behind a ticket booth, Mocking Al, the Dark Queen, Squid, and the two clones came into view with Shroomster Shrolley.

"I knew you would come here," said Mocking Al, "but with my new creation, you will be the one's dying. He's invincible to any weaknesses any one of us possesses. Ha ha ha!"

-Will our heroes survive this deadly encounter? Will Alness reign supreme? (pray for them) Stay tuned for the second part.-

-When we last left our heroes they confronted the monster Shroomster Shrolley. Let's see how they fare.-

All five started to wonder what to do . . .

"We can't use chocolate cake." thought Bike.

"We can't use Squid Off." thought Oxymoron.

"We can't use stories." thought Swill Swill Swill.

"We can't . . ." began the Flannel God when Klaws interrupted his thought by thinking . .

"We can't, oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, go ahead."

"No really, you first."

Suddenly, all five had the same thought at once, "Of course!" they thought. But it seemed to be too late, Shroomster Shrolley had approached them by now. As he took one last step to be in range to destroy them all, (HUGE dramatic pause) when a single foot shot out from behind a ticket booth. Shroomster Shrolley tripped over it, fell, and suffered a concussion the size of a Motzah ball. (Tripping is a weakness of all of the them, not just one.)

"Who the heck?" said all five together.

"Behold," said a figure stepping out from behind the booth, "I am Yim!" Yim (in his first and last appearance) stood ten feet tall and looked absolutely stunning. (Sound familiar in the opposite kind of way?)

"I was formed when the tremendous energy produced by your synchronous thoughts occurred. Instead of the combination of wimpyness (like Shroomster Shrolley), I use the combination of niffyness. (A cross between spiffy and nifty.) Gotta go, bye!"

And so, just as quickly as he came, Yim popped out of existence.

Now the five villians all looked at each other and let out a big yelp and ran for the hills. The two clones ran for Pathetic Land, the Dark Queen ran to Wimp Land, Squid went to Dork Land and Mocking Al high tailed it to . . . (yep, you guessed it) Dingy Land.

"Move out!" yelled Oxymoron, as they all began a chase throughout Al World. Swill Swill Swill chased the clones on his carpet, the Flannel God went after the Dark Queen, Klaws ran after Squid, and Oxymoron chased Mocking Al.

Pathetic Land was filled with card board cut outs of rides, flimsy decorations, and burnt out bulbs. (Hence its name.) Swill Swill Swill was too fast for the clones on his carpet and caught them with ease. He then pushed a red button that launched a missile at clone # 1, killing him. He then pushed the flannel button, releasing Peach. Peach saw the remaining clone, smiled, and well, that's it. As soon as the clone saw his smile, clone # 2 fainted to death. (What a pathetic way to die.!)

Wimp Land was full of rides that had a top speed of one mile per hour and accelerated .001 G's. (Hence its name.) "Hello." said the Flannel God as he poofed into existence in front of the Dark Queen.

"Ah!" she yelled, "Stop that! You can't kill me, you only have power in Canadia."

"Is that so?" the Flannel God said as he began to conjure. Suddenly a wide bottomed math teacher appeared and gave the Dark Queen a test.

"Ha!" she laughed, "All Dark Queen's are reasonably intelligent." she said as she finished the test.

"You forgot to put down your name, F!" said the teacher.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed the Dark Queen as she slowly died from a neural cerebellum fuse. (What a wimpy way to die.)

Dork Land was filled with pictures of the dorkiest people in the world. People almost as dorky as Mocking Al himself. (Hence its name.) It was here that Klaws found Squid trying to get her spaceship hidden by a cardboard cut stand up of a certain communist educator. Squid spun around to confront Klaws.

"What are you going to do, cry at me?" said Squid.

"No." said Klaws as she shot out her two foot fingernails.

"Face it, you can't kill me," Squid continued in a taunting voice, "you flannel freak."

"Shut up and die you alien slut!" yelled Klaws as she sliced and diced Squid. (Also makes great Julian fries!) [Might I add my only comment this story. It's been nice knowing you Bill. In your defense, might I add that technically, Bill didn't say that. Klaws said it to Squid, and we all know that they are actually the same person. So she was actually talking to herself.] And with little ribbons of Squid lying everywhere, there was only one to go.

Dingy Land was a big lake filled with small boats (Despite what stupid people come up with as double meanings.) This land was Al's favorite by far, he loved small boats. (Hence its name.)

Oxymoron found a mail box before confronting Mocking Al. He mailed a letter that said:

Dear Acme Co.,

I need a Mocking Al torturing device in about three minutes.

Oxymoron the Moron

Off went Oxymoron chasing Mocking Al again.

"Ah ha!" screamed Oxymoron as he found Mocking Al trying to untie his dingy. Oxymoron ran to Mocking Al, pushed him aside, jumped into the boat, and started to paddle away.

"Hey!" shrieked Mocking Al, "You ripped off my dingy!" Mocking Al jumped into his second favorite dingy and paddled after Oxymoron.

Suddenly, a plane dropped a package into Oxymoron's boat.

"Yes! A book entitled Cheers That Torture Mocking Al's."

Oxymoron then boarded Al's boat.

"Quit stepping on my dingy!" yelled Mocking Al.

Oxymoron ignored Mocking Al and started his cheer. "Al's a gal! The Dark Queen's his pal! He's a dork, and eats food with a spork!"

"Arrrrrrrgh!" screamed Mocking Al. "Not again!" (Yes, again.)

THE

END

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