To Kill a Mocking Al

By Sean Miller

Do not read this!

Forty years ago in the distant land of Cheeseoria, an evil wizard began a massive strike to take over the world. The wizard's name was Mocking Al of the clan Suckup. It took Mocking Al and his clan a scant three weeks of intensive laughter to mop up the insignificant Suicide Army and assume control of Cheeseoria.

He gave himself the title All-Powerful, Super Fuzzy, Head Comrade, Cheese. His power grew to surpass that of any human alive (except one, but that comes later).

After several years of Motzah-fisted rule by Al, the people of Cheesoria decided to retaliate. They organized another Suicide Army.

The band of disorganized, untrained fools charged the grassy knoll (No, not the one J.F.K. was shot from) where clan Suckup built their straw hut stronghold. (Hey, this is a low budget story. What did you expect.)? They drew their swords and beheaded themselves. Thus the second Suicide Army failed.

Things went on like this for a few more years when one day a man named Oxymoron the moron was born. (Applause)

While Oxymoron grew up, there was a convenient interlude of peace.

-Get a Coke now. Don't worry I'll wait.-

Back yet? Well you must be because you're here reading this right? Okay! Onward and forward.

So Oxymoron the moron became a man (and a very manly one at that). Actually he resembled a rabid wombat more than a manly man.

He trained in the arts of cheesemaking and spellcasting and became barely mediocre at both. By the way, Mocking Al and the Suckup clan were all watching Oxy and so could anticipate his actions.

Oxymoron, through his profound lack of intelligence decided to write a letter to Al and company. It went like this:

Greetings Mocking Al,

I am Oxymoron the Moron. You are not a nice Al. You should take a class in etiquette. Anyway I think you are an unfit ruler and should take orders from me. If you choose not to take orders from me, then I'll huff and puff and blow your straw hut stronghold off a cliff or precipice or some other tall scary place.

Your bestest buddy,

Oxymoron

Mocking Al, after receiving the letter (Oxy used UPS) and the reading it, wrote a return letter.

Dear Oxymoron the moron,

I decline your offer. However, I will in turn make my own. If you come to my stronghold, you will be given a medal of valor and stupidity.

After accepting the medal, my friends of the Suckup will apprehend you. Then you will be speedily dispatched in some entertaining way.

Your pal,

Mocking Al Suckup

Oxymoron read the letter. He didn't really like the letter. It was a letter.

Oxymoron, being a stealthy person, snuck into Al's fortress and tied up Al in his sleep.

He then woke up Al. "Hey, dork, whut dat you doing in here?"

"Well," said Oxy, "I'm going to read a story." He pulled out a book entitled "Stories Designed to Torture Mocking Al's, fifth edition". Oxymoron opened the book and began to read, "One day there was a place called Oxy land, and everyone there was happy. It was fu-"

"Arrrgh!" screamed Al, "Stop, I give up."

"Okay. Now go away or I'll read some more."

"Yes master Oxymoron the moron."

Oxymoron untied Mocking Al. Al got up to leave and tripped over Oxy's foot. His head smashed into the unmoving straw wall of the fortress. His skull split open like an eggshell. Thus Al died.

The fortress was burned and Cheesoria returned to its normal state of insanity!

THE END!

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