To Kill A Mocking Al: 4.569301

(Al Visits Canadia)

Writer: Bill Shaffer

Illustrator: Bill Shaffer

Editor: Bill's computer

Publisher: Sean "the Oxymoron" Miller

Not to reader: This is a relatively insane story (relative to an asylum). This story is not for Al sympathizers. (In fact, if you like anyone named Al then I'll have to shoot you!) This story idea was formed by Sean Miller. (Also a scary thought.) This story may be changed under authorization of M.B.S. Corp. and violators will be shot.

Second Note: People in real life have been included in this story, do not read this unless you see yourself humorously.

Third Note: To parents, don't read this to little children as that the character of Al may give them nightmares.

In the wonderful land of Canadia where the flannel grass grows, there exists but one city. This city is so large, (How large is it?) it's so large that the only free space was used to grow cheese apple trees. (An important commodity in Canadia.) The leader of this country is Villhelm the Flannel God, and for over ten millennia there has been peace. That's usually because it's in a separate dimension than other dimensions. (In fact, it's in the little known Flannel Dimension.) However, (dramatic pause) all of that is about to change. (Ooo, don't you just love plot developments.)

While sitting on his spasmatic adjustable chair, Villhelm noticed a Flannelite (a priest of the Flannel religion) running up to the castle. As the Flannelite entered, Villhelm stood to greet him.

"Villhelm, something not very spiffy has happened!"

"What's that?" asked Villhelm.

"A four foot tall fuzzy headed monster named Mocking Al just stole a vial of flannel protection."

"Doe! I hate fuzzy headed monsters named Mocking Al, whether they be four or four hundred feet tall. Where is this wimpy wiener?"

"He's hiding in the cheese apple orchards."

"I'll see about this." growled Villhelm.

Off went Villhelm to his office. When inside, he wrote a letter to Mocking Al and sent it UPS. (We can't ruin a running gag now can we?) It read:

Dear Mocking AL,

I don't know (or care) how you got here, but you are not welcome. If you don't leave I will send my homicide army after you.

Your pal,

The Flannel God

P.S. You'll find things work differently here.

Upon seeing this Mocking Al wrote back:

Dear Flannel God,

I drank a vile of flannel protection so you can't hurt me. I will kill you with the help of the Dark Queen (Yep, she's here too.) So YOU leave! Ha ha ha, and more mad laughter.

Your fiend,

Mocking Al

Villhelm was not very amused (one rarely is about death threats) and he ordered all people in the city to enter their well constructed flannel walled homes. "I'll fix this myself!" He then summoned the Royal Flannel Druid. (Don't you enjoy flanelly plots? I sure do!)

"My master . . ." said the flannel cloaked figure.

"I need you to come with me." At that, Villhelm used stupidity triangulation to transport right to where Mocking Al was hiding. (This is where I took a break. Hold on until the story restarts.)

"How'd you get here?" asked Mocking Al.

"You are the dumbest thing here." explained Villhellm. "Even this cheese apple has a higher I.Q. than you. (Keep in mind that cheese apples are not that bright.) By the way Dark Queen how do you feel about flannel?" At the same time, Villhelm pushed the Flannel Druid forward.

"I think flannel is the ugliest color ever and that it should all be burned, why?" replied the Dark Queen.

When the Flannel Druid heard her not so nice comment, the Flannel Druid started to radiate a flannel colored glow.

"It's too bad that you didn't drink that vial of protection from flannel that Mocking Al has." (Poor Dark Queen.)

"You have what?!" screamed the Dark Queen.

"Um, oops sorry." mumbled Mocking Al.

It was too late though. The Flannel Druid finished the invocation by chanting "Blah blah blah, yackity shmackity!" and pointed his finger at the Dark Queen. Two flannel spikes jumped from the Druid's hands that pierced the Dark Queen's eyes and proceed to destroy her small cheese brick like brain.

"Aww man!" exclaimed Mocking Al. "You killed the Dark Queen! Dark Queen, get up! You stupid yoink brained Flannel God. Take this! Mocking Al then pulled out his Fuzzo-Blaster.

"I'm okay, it's all right, I'm alive." said the Dark Queen as she stood up.

"Oh great, there you go again, keeping me from Medals of Honor and Valor." In disgust Mocking Al folded his arms, causing his finger to close around the trigger. A fuzzy (albeit cheesy) beam shot from the gun and hit the Dark Queen.

"Dark Queen, Dark Queen, get up. You killed the Dark Queen. (I won't mention it if you don't.) Take this!" He shot his gun at Villhelm in a not all too pleasant place. As the body collapsed the Druid pulled off his robe to reveal a man standing in full flannel armor.

"You killed my robot, ya hoser!"

'Robot?" asked an often confused Mocking Al.

"Ya didn't know? Take off! It's like, he didn't have an accent, ay! What's your problem, ay!"

"I'm immune to your power anyway, so give up. I found a friend to help me kill you. Klaws . . . come." A brown haired woman then entered the grove from behind a tree. She then shot out a fist and her fingernails extended out two feet.

"Well, maybe so," the real Flannel God stated calmly, "But I found something that will!" He then proceeded to pullout a gift from Oxymoron the Moron, king of Cheesoria. (Yeah!) The box contained a solitary CD, with player.

"Ha!" said Mocking Al. "I'm songs and stories that torture Mocking Al's exempt."

"No doubt you are sir," said the Flannel God, "but this plays Subliminal messages that Torture Al's!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Mocking Al, "Klaws, get that player!"

"Ah," said the Flannel God, "but Klaws is my agent, ay."

"That's right, AY!" exclaimed Klaws as she immolated a flannel colored flame. She then strode to the player and pressed the play button.

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" shrieked the pathetic Mocking Al. (Here we go again folks.) "I'm melting, what a world!" He then turned into a pile of ashes.

THE END

Just kidding! Suddenly Mocking Al reformed, pointed at Klaws, and said, "You're fired!" and then remelted just as suddenly.

THE END

For real.

I mean it.

Go away.
You're still here . . .

That's it, I'm leaving!

You kept reading, ha ha you suck!

(What kind of idiot reads blank spaces?)