To Kill a Mocking Al and any other copyrighted stuff are unregistered trademarks of Drunken Sailors Inc. 1996. DS Inc. is not responsible for any injury, death, property damage, or anything else that occurs as a result of reading this story or not reading this story. By reading this sentence you have waived your rights to sue us in any way and for any reason. Have a nice day.

Warning: Dark Queens, Mocking Als, and walking nads named Bob should not read this story. It contains graphic material that may be offensive to them or any normal or sane person. If you can't take a good joke then don't read further. You've been warned. Continue at your own risk.

The Loophole Revealed

Welcome, faithful readers (Hey, you're back again. I told you that you were obsessed. Did you at least remember to bring a barf bag? You'll need one later.), to another adventure in the magical land of Cheeseoria (What, you thought that I'd use Detroit instead?). As some of you may know, (you all should, since I just told you) there was a major loophole in my previous story "To Kill a Mocking Al: At Ground Zero". Well, this story expands upon the said loophole letting you, the reader, understand what I had in mind (Whoops, almost forgot, I don't have a mind). So without further delay, I present the story.

Cheeseoria, a realm of magic, of chivalry, knighthood, and (Here's my favorite.) CHEEEEEEEEESE!!! The world has made a swift recovery since Mocking Al last invaded. The bodies of his friends were burned (betcha that stunk). The Beer Bottle Monument was returned to its normal function (A huge beer dispenser!), and the nuclear weapons sold to North Korea for half price. Swine's Amazon Women were a big hit at birthday parties. Oxymoron the moron handed out awards to everyone in Cheeseoria including himself for brave and cheesy conduct in a time of crisis (at least that's how YimFry worded it). Swill Swill Swill, Klaws, and the Genie Peach returned to Canadia to tend to their cheese apple orchards (sorry guys). Meanwhile, Bean-O perfected his paper airplane throwing skills. Chuckles, try as he might, couldn't manage to beat Oxymoron in Battletech. And he still tries to this day. YimFry started using breath mints and brushing his teeth regularly after toasting several members of the CDA (Cheeseorian Dental Association) during his checkups. Even though he can talk now without roasting someone he still prefers to communicate mentally. Even the Suicide Military Force (SMF) and the Royal Naked Greek Air Defenders (yes that's RN-GAD) have improved their skills should another nuclear threat arise. But no one could predict the catastrophic chain of events about to occur in peaceful Cheeseoria (if you're the Dark Queen then don't read the rest of this story).

"Well," said Satan to Mocking Al, DQ (not Dairy Queen), and Extra, "Do you think that you're ready to try again?"

Al stepped forward, "I would tend to believe so."

"And you?" he said to the Dark Queen.

"Most certainly," she replied.

"Well then, I grant you each a passport and I grant Al one round trip ticket (foreshadowing) into Cheeseoria the land of cheese."

"Hey," yelled Extra, "What about my ticket?"

"You're being counted as a pet in order to save money."

"But you're Satan, can't you just make another ticket?"

"Yeah, but I don't feel like it."

"Don't I get a ticket?" said the Dark Queen

"No, you'll be riding in the cargo hold. Besides how do you expect to fit in those chairs, plus we wouldn't want to scare the other passengers would we."

Al simply grinned at the misfortune of his clone and his real good buddy, DQ (double meaning).

The tour guide watched in horror as Chuckles locked the control room door and proceeded to "play" the main console as if it were a piano. Bean-O trying to seem heroic had knocked himself senseless by beating his head against the door in a pathetic attempt to open it. Swine and his favorite Amazon Women were running around hysterically screaming about the end of the world. Oxymoron had broken his favorite toothbrush trying to pick the lock.

Cease your petty attempts at heroism, projected YimFry, You will only manage to damage the lock, rendering it totally useless.

"That's kinda what I had in mind." said the Oxymoron as he lit his gas blowtorch and moved towards the door.

You mistake my meaning (that happens a lot here). If the lock is melted then it will never again be opened. Thus defeating the purpose.

"Whaddya tryin' to say Fryboy," questioned the moron

I'm telling you to get the damned key from our tour guide instead of toasting the freaking lock. Now do you under-freakin'-stand?

"Well why didn't you say that to begin with? Geez, what an idiot" Oxymoron shut off his torch and reached into the guide's pocket (No, not a double meaning. Don't even think about it)and removed a shiny key marked CONTROL ROOM. He quickly put it in the hole (Hey, shut up with that sick crap) and turned it (That's it I quit) unlocking the door.

YimFry stuck his head in and sprayed flames at Chuckles killing him and avoiding a really cool nuclear meltdown (Darned the luck).

After a three hour lecture from the tour guide and a spanking (No they didn't spank his monkey too.) Chuckles (he didn't actually die), was kicked off the island and onto a boat back to Cheeseoria. Oxymoron the moron continued the tour with YimFry, Bean-O, and Swine.

Al grinned as he asked the stewardess for another coffee. Riding in first class let Al finally take a break from the Dark Queen and his genderless clone Extra.

"Shut up you stupid dog!" screamed Extra. His cage had gotten uncomfortable and the yapping dogs, chirping birds, and howling cats had gotten on his nerves over the past two weeks (it takes a long time to get from Hell to Cheeseoria). He squeezed his legs tighter as the urge to take a wiz came back. He hadn't had a bathroom break since before the plane took off (that's gotta hurt by now).

"Well," said the Dark Queen to the cargo box next to her marked Cheeseorian Cheese, "I went to high school but they expelled me for breaking the bleachers at a baseball game. Then I got my GED through the mail and I've been a career bimbo since."

"Someone, please, make it stop," cried the crate.

"Then there was the time when Al and I first made cheese. I'll describe it for you."

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the crate. It got up, ran over to the escape hatch, and jumped out.

"Man, that's the sixth crate today alone," whined the Dark Queen.

[fade in: Oxymoron's House, San Freakville, Cheeseoria]

Oxymoron stood before the map of Cheeseoria thinking madly.

Please, accelerate your thinking so that we may leave for our destination before the appointed time, thought YimFry.

"Whaddya sayin' man? I wish you'd talk like the rest of us. Then maybe we'd understand whatever it is you're tryin' to say," replied the Oxymoron.

"I think he wants you to hurry up and find a good place to eat before they all close," said Bean-O.

An adequate, if not crude translation. We have but sixteen minutes to decide. Perhaps we should just go to the Cheeseburger Diner.

"Roger that YimFry, the Diner it is," said Oxymoron.

They left the house in Oxymoron's new Hoover 215 upright heading for the Cheeseburger Diner for supper.

"Bwa! Ha! Ha!" cackled Squid as she tested her new powers, "The author was right, because I wasn't killed in the last story I have gained incredible powers (Yup, that's the loophole. Squid wasn't killed in "To Kill a Mocking Al: At Ground Zero")."

"Now Oxymoron you will die for all the trouble you've caused me. Without the Canadians to protect you, you will not withstand an attack of the magnitude that I will launch. And this time my weapons will be armed." She instructed the ship to land at Cheeseoria International Airport, to pick up some help.

Squid waited as Flight 666 unloaded at the gate. Al climbed out looking refreshed and happy. The two people behind him (if you classify them as people) looked a bit less than refreshed. One was crying about all the crates hating her and the other was walking with his hands over his nads screaming about exploding very soon if they didn't have a bathroom inside.

"Squid!" exclaimed Al as he entered the terminal, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking you up to take to my new hidden base. Now let's get moving before the Cheeseorians find out we're here."

"But I have to use the bathroom really bad," whined Extra

"Oh all right, I suppose its better that you go here instead of in my hypership," said Squid grudgingly, "Besides how long can it possibly take (dumb question)?"

"I'm back," said Extra as he came out of the bathroom pulling up his fly.

Squid and Al got up and brushed off the cobwebs. The Dark Queen didn't need to brush anything off because all the spiders were scared of her. They then went to the hangar where Squid's hypership was parked. After some pushing and pulling the three of them managed to load the Dark Queen and close the cargo hatch (yes they did break a winch).

"Bad news people," said Oxymoron, "YimFry's intel boys have tracked an aircraft of unusual design heading towards CNPP. A member of the Suicide Army described it as a "big round noncheesy object with a huge hairy butt hanging out of what looked like a cargo bay door"

I do believe that's the Dark Queen's hairy butt, said YimFry

"Right as usual Yim. But that aircraft could only be one thing, the legendary hypership of the Squid," a hush ran through the room as Oxymoron finished. Swine pulled out his baseball bat and cracked the hush over its head. He picked it up and tossed it into a Ziplock bag labeled MIDNIGHT SNACK.

Which in turn leads us to a conclusion;, Al has returned along with Squid and the Dark Queen. And there may be more on that ship.

"How many more people can there possibly be. I'm sure that the hypership, no matter how legendary, has some sort of max weight limit," commented Bean-O.

"Right," agreed Swine, "That thing's gotta be loaded to near full with DQ aboard."

"I'm guessing that Extra's on that ship too. He doesn't weigh very much after all," said the Oxymoron.

"Oh crap!" exclaimed Squid as she slammed her fists down onto the control panel.

"Now what?" asked Al

"You see those mountains ahead?" Squid said as she pointed out the front window

Al looked at the looming volcanic mountains only two miles ahead, "Yeah, what about them?"

"We're going to hit them if we don't gain some altitude real quick."

"Then pull up."

"We are overloaded. I can't pull up lugging this much weight, we have to get rid of the Dark Queen or we'll all die."

"Then let's dump her. She hasn't been making good cheese lately anyway (better use that barf bag now)," said Mocking Al.

They proceeded to the back where the cargo was carried. There they found the Dark Queen sitting with her butt hanging out the open bay door visible for miles. Al just shook his head and hit the cargo jettison button. The ship instantly began gaining altitude. "Problem solved," Al remarked to Squid.

"As you can see, the more Amazons we hire the more morale goes up and the more money the people spend on stuff they don't need. That makes the Cheeseorian-"

Swine was cut off by a loud boom followed by an earthquake of a magnitude not seen in over seven thousand years. Massive cracks opened up in the streets swallowing people, cars, and even buildings. Then the tremors subsided.

"Well, it sounds like the Dark Queen just got dropped off," Swine said.

"We're here," said Squid to Mocking Al.

Al looked around rather dismayed, "Your hidden base is in Cheeseoria's nuclear power plant. Are you crazy? We'll be glowing in a matter of hours."

"So what, I can't be hurt by radiation anyway."

"It may not hurt you, but it'll kill me."

"All the more reason to get rid of the Oxymoron as soon as possible."

Al sat down and watched the radioactive steam rise up all around him. This wasn't one of his better days.

Oxymoron peered over Yim's head to get a better view of the cooling tower. It looked like a huge rounded radiator. Steam poured out the top billowing upwards several hundred feet before dispersing into the air. "Hand me those binoculars!" yelled Oxymoron to Swine over the heavy beat of YimFry's wings.

"Here," Swine said as he handed then to the Oxymoron.

Oxymoron snatched them from him and looked down the tower. The steam almost totally obstructed his view but he managed to make out (spew) a large round object at the bottom. "Yim, move around to the other side. I need a better look."

I do this only for the land of Cheeseoria not for your personal enjoyment, but considering that this is a necessity I will comply, grumbled Yim mentally

"Quit naggin' and start movin'."

Yim dove downward through the steam cloud, emerging on the other side. He spun around to provide Oxymoron with a better view.

"Crap, that's the ship all right. Al's down there with Extra and Squid. They're playing strip poker," Oxymoron paused for a moment, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick, get the hell out of here! Al and Extra are losing."

Yim flew like mad to escape the horrifying scene. They crossed the Cheese Ocean in four seconds (that's pretty good considering that the Cheese Ocean is almost two hundred miles across) and arrived at San Freakville in time to see Matlock.

The Suicide Army training field was totally covered with scared Cheeseorians. Rumors had spread through San Freakville like wildfire. As Oxymoron stepped up to the hastily erected (don't say a word) podium a hush ran through the crowd. Swine quickly killed it and placed it in a bag marked AFTERNOON SNACK.

"We have just confirmed reports of the return of Mocking Al, Squid, and Extra," boos and hisses ran through the crowd, in hot pursuit was Swine carrying a baseball bat and nearly a hundred plastic bags, "Stop it Swine, you'll poke someone's eye out with that bat."

"Sorry," apologized Swine.

"Here's what we need to do. I want all of Cheeseoria ready for this attack. I'm putting the Suicide Military on full alert. The rest of you should do what your "In Case of Invasion" brochures indicate to do during an attack by Al."

The twelve thousand average citizens stood silently for several seconds. Suddenly they all began to run about in mad hysteria screaming, yelling, and causing riots. Panic overcame the entire populace of Cheeseoria. Houses were burned, babies that looked like humans were killed, every single electrical appliance in the country of Cheeseoria came on at once (remember that line).

Oxymoron and company watched as several citizens rammed their cars into buildings. "Yup," said Oxymoron to YimFry, "I told you the Cheeseorians would memorize those procedures."

Yim stared in disbelief, You told them to go totally insane in an emergency situation?

"Yeah, pretty cool idea, huh?"

I fail to see what could possibly be accomplished by instilling chaos and disorder throughout the masses (no, not the Dark Queen's masses) during an invasion. Shouldn't you be trying to prevent this instead of encourage it?

"That would take the military right?"

Most certainly.

"Then wouldn't that require me reduce the size my attack force."

Well yes, but-

"There you are."

Yim shook his head and walked off.

Alarms blared out all over the power plant. People ran screaming to and fro as if suddenly someone had ordered them to freak out (thank the moron). Through the view screen Mocking Al could see Chuckles in the control room playing the Carmen San Diego theme song on the main console. "Squid! Squid, come quick! Look at this!" cried Al.

"What's going on? What am I supposed to look at?"

"The screen, the screen. Look at the screen," Al said pointing at the one displaying Chuckles.

Squid watched for a second as the thought registered. "OH SHIT!" she began flipping knobs and switches as fast as was Squidly (not humanly) possible. The ship's engines came to life with a deafening roar. Squid grabbed the flight stick (another sick one) and pulled them into a straight ascent. Al and Extra fell unconscious from the incredible G force. CNPP exploded sending up a shockwave that tore through the big hypership as if it were made of cheap cardboard. The cockpit ejected carrying its passengers back down to the ground.

Oxymoron eyed his friends through the fading light. Bean-O sat bouncing a yo-yo. Swine stood protectively over several Ziplock bags of hushes, hisses, and boos. YimFry popped in a breath mint and chewed thoughtfully. "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, we have a disaster on our hands. CNPP exploded today leaving the entire planet without power. We are in serious trouble. Just before the explosion our radar picked up Squid's hypership leaving the area hot and fast. We don't yet know if they survived. I guess we'll find out sooner or later. Although we are radiation exempt the explosion did destroy most of San Freakville, this building and my house are the only two undamaged structures here."

Outside there was a crash followed by several screams. Oxymoron looked out the window to see that his house had fallen on several Suicide Army officers.

"Correction, this is the only building still standing. Anyway, we have a mess on our hands and any suggestions would be helpful."

Swine looked up from his bags and said, "We should gather up some more of these to for food."

"Good thinking Swine, that's now your official job. Go to it. Don't forget that innocent people can be used as helpers (I pity those people)."

Swine retrieved his bat that had been lying in the corner within easy reach. He grabbed a huge pile of plastic bags and left.

Perhaps it would be wise to find some form of weapon that does not require electric power, projected YimFry.

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Oxymoron, "I used to be a wizard back when Al first attacked. I can use magic!"

This should be entertaining, said Yim as Oxymoron walked over to a bookshelf labeled CHILDREN'S BOOKS. He spent several seconds digging through the many "To Kill a Mocking Al" books and stories (They let kids read this crap?).

"Ah ha! I found it!" said the Oxymoron. He pulled out a very old, very dusty, leather-bound book entitled "The Tidy Bowl" "I knew I still had it somewhere around here," said Oxymoron grinning broadly, "Do you realize, Yim, that this book is as old as me."

You prevaricator, that book is easily three hundred years old judging by its appearance.

"You're wrong YimFry. This book is five hundred and fourteen years, two months, eighteen days, nine hours, six minutes, and twenty-three seconds old."

That would mean that you're over five hundred years old.

"That's right."

I'm not even going to ask.

"You're better off not knowing anyway," Oxymoron replied as he opened the book. He leafed through a few pages skimming major sections and reading some parts.

"OK here goes," he pointed a finger at Bean-O's yo-yo and said, "Uga Booga, Up Chuck, Butt Suck, Cheese!"

The yo-yo caught fire and burned up the string to Bean-O's finger, "Yow!" he shrieked. He ran over to the refrigerator and dumped some warm rotten milk on the burning yo-yo and his finger.

Is that the extent of your power? asked YimFry.

"Yup."

We're in trouble now.

Al groaned as Squid pushed his side with her foot, "Wake up you nitwit!"

"Ugh, where are we Squid?" Al said after regaining his sense of equilibrium

"Stranded on a tropical island thousands of miles from anywhere."

"How'd we get here, and where's Extra?"

"I managed to crash land the escape pod here after the explosion at CNPP. "

"And Extra?"

"Well...he's here and there."

Al sat up and looked around. He was sitting on a sandy beach with Squid standing over him. Palm and coconut trees lined the shore. Several hundred feet down the beach sat the charred smoking escape pod. Lying scattered around the pod were several burnt pieces of flesh and a few major limbs. Al pointed in the general direction of the flesh, "Extra?" he asked.

"Extra," she said.

"Crud!"

"Quick," yelled Swine to Citizen #1, "Hit it over the head before it gets away!"

Citizen #1 swung the pipe wrench and hit the hush in the head. It flew several feet before hitting the ground with a resounding splat. Citizen #17 ran over, picked it up and dropped it in a Ziplock bag.

"Good shot," said Swine, "at this rate we'll have enough hushes feed all of Cheeseoria...twice"

"Yim, circle around to the other side. We need to find a place to land," yelled the Oxymoron.

It is not necessary to yell, my hearing is adapted to filter out the wind noise, projected YimFry calmly.

Yim glided around to the other side searched for a clear spot to land. The large building that used to contain the reactor core had been blown open and the steel walls ripped apart as if by some tremendous fart (imagine what that smelled like). The main cooling tower was charred and burnt to a crisp. The top looked as if it had erupted molted lava. The helipad, however, was relativity clear.

Oxymoron pointed to the pad. YimFry nodded and proceeded to dive down. He waited until he was only about ten feet from the ground where he backwinged fiercely, landing softly, using his legs and knees to absorb most of the shock.

Oxymoron's jaw dropped open as he saw a humanoid form emerge from the destroyed reactor complex.

Bean-O sat in a chair playing with his burnt yo-yo.

Squid sat in an Uga Booga hut on the throne. Several Uga Boogas brought food for her. "Ya know Al, we really could live here forever and give up trying to kill Oxymoron the moron."

"Yeah right! He's the only reason I keep coming back. I want revenge!" said Al.

"You've got a point. Perhaps we should go back, but not just yet. I'm enjoying this god of the Uga Boogas thing."

"Chuckles!" screamed the Oxymoron, "What are you doing here?"

"I took a boat up here before the explosion. Didn't you miss me?"

"Actually, I didn't know you were gone. I kinda forgot about you since the Meltdown (name for the disaster). I've been swamped with things to do back at San Freakville."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Screwing off in my spare time," suddenly a thought hit Oxymoron, "Ouch! Say how'd you survive the Meltdown if you were on the island when the reactor exploded?"

"I was in the control room. It's designed to withstand these kinds of things."

Yim cut in, What were you doing in the control room?

"Uh, causing a nuclear meltdown."

"YOU!" yelled Oxymoron, "Your the one who blew up CNPP! I outta kick your butt so hard that it flies out your mouth! But instead I'll just leave you here for a few days."

Oxymoron turned to leave. "Wait!" screamed Chuckles, "Take me along. I promise not to blow up anymore nuclear reactors."

"Well, okay. Hop on." Chuckles climbed up onto Yim's back.

"Where we gonna go now?" he asked.

"Back to San Freakville where you'll be helping with the cleanup effort."

"Squid, I'm bored (aren't we all)," nagged Al, "Why can't we go back?"

"We can go back. But you'll have to swim the two thousand miles between us and the Cheeseorian mainland," replied Squid.

"Why can't we just use the Dingy 33X?"

Squid knocked on Al's head, "Hello, is anybody home up there? The Dingy 33X was destroyed in "To Kill a Mocking Al: At Ground Zero"

"Not really, just the ammo rack exploded."

"So what. It's still to far away to get at."

"No its not," said Al as he pulled a remote control out of his pocket, "I can just call it with this."

Squid looked at the remote control in amazement. "You mean to tell me that we've wasted the past three months here trying to build a wooden raft and all this time you could have just pressed a button and we would have had a ride back to Cheeseoria?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm trying to say."

"You nitwit! You fool! You butt freaking idiot! That's it you die!" Squid screamed as she chased Al all over the island.

Al quickly punched a few buttons on the remote.

The Dingy 33X powered up its engines and slowly rose to the surface of Cheese Ocean. It reached the surface, accelerated to its maximum speed and streaked westward towards the remote's signal.

Bean-O sat in a chair playing with his burnt yo-yo.

YimFry watched as Oxymoron tried to catch his pet guinea pig Killer (guinea pigs never die). Oxymoron managed to corner him. "Gotcha now pigster!" he said as he reached down to pick Killer up. The guinea pig bit Oxymoron's hand as he picked it up.

"That's it, I quit. Killer, as far as I'm concerned you can just stay here."

Killer resumed eating the tree near the Tower of Cheese's front door.

Al watched from the safety of the Dingy's cockpit as Squid hurled rocks at him. He pressed the button that activated the loudspeaker, " Ha Ha, You can't hurt me now that I have my Dingy 33X back."

Squid turned red with anger as her last few rocks bounced harmlessly off the Dingy's shiny armored hull (don't grin yet Al, this story's far from being done). "I'll get you yet Mocking Al!" she yelled insanely.

"No chance Squid," replied Al over the speaker. Two small gun barrels emerged from the lower front of the Dingy. "I may not have ammo but I still have lasers," said Al as he locked onto Squid's head. Al then pulled the trigger on the flight stick. A pair of red beams instantly cut Squid in half. "Next stop, Cheeseoria!" said Al happily as he turned the Dingy east.

(I finally found something for Bean-O to do instead of just play with his yo-yo and veg) Bean's shiny steel hammer struck the slender piece of red hot metal. "This will soon be a sword!" yelled Bean-O over the clang of his work.

Oxymoron watched as he returned the metal to the nearby fire. He reached over to the pile of swords already made. Removing one the Oxymoron hefted it and took a swing at one of the blowers used to supply oxygen to the fire. The blade sliced the wooden and hushskin (like leather but more hush like) device cleanly in half.

"Hey!" screamed Bean-O, "Whaddya doin' to my stuff?"

"Nothing," said Oxymoron as he hid the sword behind his back.

Bean-O scratched his head in an ape like way for a few seconds, then shrugged and returned to his work. Oxymoron left carrying the sword.

Bike Swine grabbed the hush by it's tail and plopped it into another Ziplock bag. "We're doing a great job," said Swine to citizens one through thirty-seven, "We'll soon have enough food rounded up to take a break."

Swine was about to say more but was interrupted by YimFry's deafening roar. He looked up to see Yim diving straight towards them, on his back sat Oxymoron, Bean-O, and Chuckles. The citizens scattered in all directions (average shmoes usually do when they see a one hundred fifty foot gold dragon streaking towards them at three or so hundred miles per hour) Swine dove off the docks and into the San Freakville Bay.

He resurfaced in time to see YimFry pull a fancy maneuver, bringing himself to a dead stop six inches over the dock. He hovered there for several seconds before landing.

"Hi Swine," said Chuckles happily.

Swine swam over to a nearby ladder and climbed out. He walked over to where YimFry and the others were standing. Then he stopped, leaving a dripping puddle under himself. "Why did you do that?" he asked Yim.

I enjoy producing the effect of fear in people when I enter their vicinity from the air. It usually frightens those witnessing my actions, Yim sounded amused.

Oxymoron, Bean-O, and Chuckles were trying very hard not to laugh, but were failing miserably. Swine looked at them angrily. But his anger instantly turned to curiosity when he noticed how they were dressed.

Oxymoron was wearing a large thick grey robe. Around his waist ran a thick leather belt. Hanging from the belt was a sword made of a strange bluish metal that glowed dimly. Then Swine saw something he had never seen before, Oxymoron the moron, King of Cheeseoria was carrying an old leather bound book (Swine found this strange because he had never known Oxymoron to read).

Bean-O looked even stranger. He was dressed in black leather (I know what you're thinking DQ, but it wasn't tight or skimpy). In his right hand he carried a modified Uzi submachine gun (It does some pretty spiffy stuff if you ask me). Thrown over his right shoulder was a chain of ammo.

Chuckles looked stupid as usual.

"Hey!" exclaimed Swine, "Are we going to a costume party or something?"

"Not quite Swine," said the moron. "We are dressing the way the storyline dictates."

"Well where did you get all the cool crap from?"

"Bean-O and myself went to other dimensions to gain some nifty new powers."

"Cool! Hey what about me?"

"We didn't leave you out," said the Oxymoron as he tossed Swine a pile of stuff.

"Mocking Al Suckup's Fortress," said Al reading the sign posted over the front door. "Ha! Ha! Nothing stands in the way of my victory here! With everyone dead but me I can do whatever I want and no one will ever rule here again, but me of course."

Al being tired after all that work (building straw huts takes a lot of energy) laid down to take a nap.

Bean-O looked off to the west towards the Cheese Plains. The immense grassy flatlands were broken by nothing save a few small trees. Just beyond the plains on the edge of Bean-O's vision he managed to make out (no, DQ not that way) a small structure. It seemed new, as Bean-O had never seen it before. He quickly called Oxymoron via the newly created mental communications network setup by YimFry himself.

Hey moron, projected Bean clumsily, I found something you might want to see.

Several seconds passed before Oxymoron responded, Bean, you're interrupting me. Can't you see I'm right in the middle of a very important convergence here?

You'll see, with that the Oxymoron broke the mental link.

Bean-O stood waiting. Sure enough as one second passed Bean-O heard a loud bang and felt an outrushing of air centered behind him. He spun around to see YimFry standing on the tower looking at him. On Yim's back sat the Oxymoron with a huge grin stretching from ear to ear.

"Bwaaaaah! How'd you get here?" exclaimed Bean-O.

"YimFry here has discovered how to travel instantaneously between two places via the interdimensional rift effect," said the Oxymoron as he climbed down.

It's quite simple really. All I have to do is picture a place that I've seen before or have had a good description of and the energy of the surrounding area gathers at a focal point somewhere in my head, and then the focal point builds power and becomes a rift. The rift links the place I'm at and the place I'm going to and pulls me through, explained Yim.

"Yeah, whatever," said Bean-O confused.

""Hey Bean, you still haven't told me why you wanted me here," interrupted Oxymoron.

"Oh," Bean-O responded getting back on track, "Well I was looking out there towards the Cheese Plains and I saw some sort of building. Here see for yourself."

Bean-O handed him the binoculars.

Oxymoron took them and looked out across the plains. He scanned the horizon slowly stopping almost due west. "I see it. It looks a lot like the Straw Hut Stronghold."

"The what?" asked Bean-O

Yes, please enlighten us Oxymoron.

He handed the binoculars back to Bean-O. "Well, a long time ago before the city of San Freakville was built and even before Bike Swine was king, Mocking Al and the clan Suckup invaded Cheeseoria. They struck like lightning, mopping up the first Suicide Army in two weeks (we were a lot slower back then), and taking Cheeseoria for their own. They built a massive fortress, it was easily ten feet tall and had one room. This fortress was made of straw, thus the name Straw Hut Stronghold. It's defenses were impenetrable. The second Suicide Army found that out the hard way.

"Anyway about that time I was born, I grew up under the motzah-fisted rule of Mocking Al. I didn't like that and decided to do something about it.

"I studied hard in the arts, correction fine arts of cheese making and spellcasting and became barley mediocre at both. At that time I felt I was ready to take on the powerful Mocking Al Suckup.

"We had our first exchange in words via Cheeseoria's postal system, UPS. I enraged the powerful Al. He sent me a nasty return letter that pissed me off even more. That made up my mind for me. I would exile the evil Al from my kingdom.

"In the early dawn's light I snuck into his fortress. The evil Al was sleeping, so I quickly tied him up. Then he awoke.

"He was angry. But I made him listen to my favorite book "Stories Designed to Torture Mocking Als, fifth edition" He couldn't stand the stories and surrendered to me. I untied him and told him to leave and never return.

"As he got up to leave he tripped over my foot and his head struck the solid wall of the hut. He died instantly. Ever since then he has been coming back every story to get his revenge."

So that's why Mocking Al's always after you. Astonishing that someone can hold a grudge that long, thought Yim.

"Say Yim, do you think you could tell what that is over there?" asked the Oxymoron.

I believe so, Yim stared westward for several minutes, That structure appears to be made of straw. There is a sign attached to it. It reads "Mocking Al Suckup's Fortress" Wait two objects are coming out the front, Yim squinted his dragonic eyes, one of them is Al. The other appears to be a large walking nad.

"Bob the Walking Nad!" exclaimed the Oxymoron.

They are holding each other's hands. I suspect that Al is involved in a homosexual relationship with the so-called Bob the Walking Nad (I told you, Al, that this story wasn't over yet).

Oxymoron turned around and yelled loudly towards the destroyed San Freakville, "Citizens of Cheeseoria, rally with me under the banner of sacred CheeseWiz! Come out from hiding! Fear not the evil of this world, fear not Mocking Al Suckup! Together, united, we stand as a country, join us, the Suicide Army rises again! For Cheeseoria! We march tonight!"

Oxymoron's motivational speech was followed by a deafening cheer as all of Cheeseoria's citizens poured out of their damaged homes. Hundreds upon thousands of people gathered at the steps of the Tower of Cheese. Brandishing sticks, brooms, hammers, swords, toothpicks, and any other blunt or sharp object in San Freakville they screamed for the exile of Al.

"Bob, do you hear something?" Al got up and moved to the door.

"No, come back to bed Al (this is totally, completely, and absolutely disgusting)." said Bob in a sleepy tone.

"Oh, all right," said Al as he got back in.

Oxymoron watched the ninety thousand Cheeseorian citizens march across the plains westward towards their destination, the Straw Hut Stronghold. "Say Yim, ya think you could fly a higher lower, I can't get a good view to the Barrier Mountains (the mountain range that marks the dimensional borders of the world of Cheeseoria) so low."

I suppose that I could do as you asked, after all why have a dragon who isn't willing to help a friend. Even though, really wish that you would find another dragon so you can get rides from someone else, Yim was of course joking.

Suddenly Al was awakened by the smell of smoke and the heat of fire. He looked all around him the entire fortress was burning to the ground.

"What the hell?" said Al as the walls fell outward to reveal the outside to him. The entire knoll was covered with unfriendly Cheeseorians carrying all sorts of improvised weapons.

Suddenly the thatched roof lifted away and fell to the ground killing twenty or so Cheeseorians. "Whoops!" came a familiar voice from above.

Al looked up to see Oxymoron sitting on a huge golden dragon. It was hovering about thirty feet above and to the left of him. Al then noticed that Bob had been snatched up by several angry Cheeseorians. They carried him away and began to beat the living snot out of him (it hurts even more when you're entire body is composed of one gigantic nad, the exact opposite of Al).

"Silence!" yelled Oxymoron.

Another hush ran through the crowd. Swine killed it instantly and placed it in a bag labeled MORNING SNACK.

"Mocking Al Suckup," said Oxymoron, "you have been found guilty of the highest crime in Cheeseoria, hating cheese! In addition to that you are also being charged with causing general disorder in our fair community! Thus it is my only option to sentence you to death and exile. You will be returned to Hell where Satan will deal with you personally."

"You can't kill me Oxymoron," he spat the name out like a curse word, "I'll always come back you know that!"

"I'm fully aware of that fact, but I don't care," Oxymoron turned his citizens, "Read at will!"

As Oxymoron gave the order, every Cheeseorian citizen pulled from his, hers, or its pants a small book entitled "Stories Designed to Torture Mocking Als, travel edition"

They began to read, not as a disorganized out of key mass like usual, but a single powerful voice. The scared Al heard the classic stories and began to writhe in pain. He slowly, ever so slowly melted away.

Thus Al died and Cheeseoria began the slow road to recovery (but that's another story).

"Well you screwed another one up Al," said a very peeved Satan.

"There's always next story," replied Mocking Al

Well of this story anyway!

We've run out of cheap graphics and backgrounds. Send us money to buy more.