To Kill A Mocking Al:
The Next Generation
Written by: Bill Shaffer
Edited by: Bill Shaffer
Publisher: M.B.S. Corp.
Note to reader: If you are looking for an entertaining story to read, drop this story immediately. This is a Mocking Al story and is therefore very stupid.
Disclaimer: There are no new characters in this story, just the same old idiots you've gotten used to.
Warning: As required by law, many people are used comically in the following pages. Don't get mad at me, I'm just following orders.
Message to reader: If you're still reading, you're dumber than I thought. Unless you're one of the unlucky few who have been transformed by these stories (You know who you are), I don't see why you should continue reading. (unless you like our form of deranged humor.)
"Ah ha!" shouted Mocking Al. (I'm just throwing you into the plot right now.) "I finally found it." [What, the dingy?] Mocking Al was of course referring to the giant craft sitting in front of him. "Now that I have my new Idiodicy class starship, I can blow Cheesoria up from space." Mocking Al then proceeded to enter the XXL Dingy with his freakish friends Squid and the Dark Queen. Mocking Al then pushed the start and the ship launched into orbit. "Start phase 1!"
-Meanwhile, in Cheesoria-
A very spiffy party was being planned. Many nifty people were there, the Flannel God, Klaws, Bike Swine, and of course Oxymoron the Moron. (Applause.) Swill Swill Swill wasn't there because he was on vacation in Peach's dimension of Patronius. Bean-O and Chuckles were busy scouting out new sites to grow new Suicide Army members. Inside the Tower of Cheese, a blip came up on the Al Scan System (think about that acronym). "Sir, there's a blip on my Al Scan System." (If you use the acronym, it sounds neater.)
"It looks like Mocking Al has decided to come back to life again. Won't he ever learn?" (We all know the answer to that.) said Oxymoron. "Seems like we need to kill him again. We should discuss this in my basement, Klaws, stand guard up here."
Klaws looked at the Flannel God and the Flannel God nodded. "Okay." she said, and sat down in a nearby chair.
The three heroes in the basement started discussing their plan. Of course, you weren't there, so you don't know what it is.
-On the XXL Dingy-
"Okay Dark Queen," Mocking Al stated, "beam those morons on board."
"There's only one life form in the tower though," replied the Dark Queen.
"Then beam that up!"
The Dark Queen pushed a few buttons and a figure appeared on the beaming pad. It was a Suicide Army member! (Ha! Not who you expected, was it?)
"I'll take care of this." said Squid. She walked up to the Cheesorian and prepared to kill the member.
"If you're going to kill me, could you teach me to do it myself. I must die in a suicidal rage."
"Well, first you close your eyes, and imagine all the pain in your stomach when it's going to explode."
The Suicide Army member closed his eyes and concentrated really hard. The evil trio smiled. Squid exploded. (Boy, aren't I filled with surprises today.)
"Hey!" yelled Mocking Al. "You're not supposed to kill other people!"
The Suicider smiled, then turned into a metallic featureless form that proceeded to form into, (no, not a policeman) Klaws.
"Ack! Quick put a Fuzzy-Ray Tube around her." screamed Mocking Al. A very fuzzy field formed around Klaws, entrapping her. "Now," gloated Mocking Al, "we will use you as bait in my plan." He then sent her to a cage made of anti-flannel.
-Back to Cheesoria-
After finding Klaws missing, the heroic trio hastened their plans by leaving the Tower.
-Go get a Pepsi while we flip over to space again.-
"It's very simple," said Mocking Al, (and for Mocking Al it has to be simple) "we leave a trail that leads to you inside a special room in this ship. When those morons show up, the room will fill with Fuzzo-Blaster (patent pending) beams. Ha, ha, ha and more evil laughter." Then he left.
Klaws got concerned when she heard this and thought up a plan of her own. Five minutes later, Mocking Al came back to Klaws' cell. "I've thought about it, (or at least Mocking Al's cheap imitation of thought) and I've concluded that making cheese with the Dark Queen is getting boring and I don't wan to make cheese with an alien. So how would you like to make cheese with me?"
"Come in here and find out." whispered Klaws.
Mocking Al entered the cage and you won't believe what happened. (Don't kill me yet Klaws) Klaws quickly made a fist and punched Mocking Al in the stomach. "No!" she answered.
Mocking Al quickly got out and locked the cage. "You'll pay for that." he said in a high squeaky voice [which wasn't that much different from his normal high squeaky voice] as he ran out of the room.
As Mocking Al entered the bridge, the Dark Queen yelled out, "Hey you, you pathetic excuse for a human being, (a pathetic excuse for any being) come look at this"
Mocking Al approached the "Mr. Sensor" (copyright 1996) screen and saw two depressions in the macaronion field. "I wonder what those are?" Mocking Al soon got his answer. A Spamulan Warbird and a Static-Clingon bird of prey decloaked in front of the XXL Dingy.
"Well, well Mocking Al," said Oxymoron as his face came on the view screen, "we've been a naughty Al now haven't we?"
"Eep!" eeped Mocking Al, "I must think of something . (Hold on, this could take a while.) As Mocking Al was trying desperately to think, two Communist cats walked by. "Ah ha! I know!" Mocking Al grabbed the two cats (whose names happened to be Fluffy and Omar) and shoved them in the ammo bay. "Launch fuzz-ton torpedoes!" Mocking Al commanded as the Dark Queen pushed some buttons. The torpedo tubes opened and the two Persian cats streaked out to Oxymoron's Spamulan ship at Warp four. The cats proceeded to travel until they hit the warbird's windshield.
Upon seeing the horrible mess, Oxymoron looked at Swine. "Eww, turn on the windshield wipers."
The time for the heroes plan arose as they started to beam on board the XXL Dingy. Oxymoron, Swine, and the Flannel God found themselves outside of Klaws cage. "Some stupidity ought to fix this!" stated Swine proudly. He then walked through the bars.
"What will that do?" asked the Flannel God. "Klaws still can't get out."
"Exactly." said Swine, and suddenly the bars vanished. (Try to figure that one out.) They were all about to leave when the door shut in front of them and Mocking Al's face appeared. (Oh my, would that be scary.)
"Ha, you fell in my trap. Die good doers." laughed Mocking Al as the room filled with Fuzzo-Blaster beams. When the room cleared, all four heroes were still standing there. "What?" asked Mocking Al.
"We're all wearing Fuzzo repellent jackets." answered Klaws.
"When?" inquired Mocking Al.
"We put them on when you weren't looking." answered Swine.
"How?" continued Mocking Al.
"Klaws warned me over the telepathic skill of ESPN (extra sensory perception network)." answered the Flannel God.
"Why?" whined Mocking Al.
"Just to annoy you. Bye-bye." said Oxymoron as all four beamed to their ships.
Now it was the good guy's turn to pummel the XXL Dingy with real weaponry. (German dachshund wiener dog missiles.) Mocking Al was so nervous he didn't know what to do. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. Make cheese with the Dark Queen. He then took the cheese and threw it into the gas tank. (A multi-purpose stuff, cheese.)
Because of the spontaneous reaction between the engine and the cheese, a hole in the fuzz/cheese barrier tore open, sending the crews of all three ships to who knows where. (I do, of course.) [Well, duh!]
When the people all snapped out of it, they looked around to see where they were. (Hold on to your flannel.)
Mocking Al, the Dark Queen, Oxymoron, the Flannel God, and Klaws were in a straw stronghold. A second Mocking Al was being tortured by a second Oxymoron holding a book. Eventually, Mocking Al 2 gave up, ran, tripped, and bashed his head against the unforgiving straw wall.
Then they saw Mocking Al and the Dark Queen tied up (or at least their doubles). Mocking Al was being tortured with a new book and then he got untied, ran away, tripped, and died. The Dark Queen then got untied, saw a dirty dish rag held by Oxymoron, ran, tripped, and died.
The scene changed, and then a rubber raft filled with paper airplanes, Mocking Al 2, and the Dark Queen 2. Mocking Al 2 was being tortured by a Squid 2 hired to torture Mocking Al's. Mocking AL 2 stumbled, fell, and smashed his head against the rubber raft. Then the Dark Queen 2 killed herself after being offered to make cheese. Squid 2 then got invaded by alien DNA and turned evil.
The fourth scene was Mocking Al 2 being tortured by songs on his car radio. After the car got bumped off the road, the Dark Queen 2 got out (she used the dead Mocking Al 2 as an air bag). However Bike 2 & Oxymoron 2 showed her a chocolate cake, she ran to it, tripped, and died.
Next, came the vision of Mocking Al 2 tangled in a yo-yo, falling, standing back up, being tripped by Bean-O, and dying. Squid 2 then got sprayed by SQUID-OFF and fell into ANTI-SQUID, killing her.
The sixth vision included the Dark Queen falling off a flying carpet. Also, they saw Mocking Al 2 being dragged to another dimension.
After that, they saw Squid 2 dying by tripping after running for drugs. The Dark Queen fell 87 stories, and died. (Very messily might I add.)
A billion Oxymorons then appeared to destroy a new Mocking Al 2. Then the Dark Queen 2 blew up after eating too much.
Then they're in Canadia and Mocking Al 2 died by melting apart, after hearing subliminal messages. After Mocking Al 2 faced his horrible death, the scene froze. It was at that time that the highly intelligent Flannel God realized what was going on. "We're being shown our geniusness at work."
"Hey, how about showing some of my genius!" yelled Mocking Al. The scene then turned pitch black and stayed that way. "Oh shut up!"
Just as quickly as they appeared, everyone disappeared to their respective ships. Mocking Al took advantage of the confusion and initiated an emergency landing on the planet near Cheesoria. As they landed, a wiener dog missile hit the XXL Dingy. Unfortunately, Mocking Al and the Dark Queen escaped alive. Before our heroes landed, Mocking Al pulled out a small pill. He then put it in the mouth of the dead Squid he had dragged out. Suddenly, she sprang to life and started throwing up. "That usually happens when one swallows a pill of concentrated Al essence."
"Yuck, ptew, gag, hack, cough, bleh!"
"Quit it! We need to leave before they find us."
They were about to leave when behind them they heard, "Hey Mocking Al! Wait up! We still need to kill you!"
Off they ran, 34.6 and one half miles cut west until they hit the Moron river where they walked midstream until they reached the secret cave. When inside they were just about to sit down for the first time when outside they heard, "Hey Mocking Al!"
This time they sailed the Cheesey Seas, dropped anchor and marched half way into the Gobi Desert. When they stopped at a convenient oasis to get a handful of cool water to their parched lips, over their shoulder they heard, "Hey Mocking Al!"
Now they bought tickets on the Orient Express, enhanced with interplaner tele-fields, hopped off, walked into Mongolia where they flew into the Alps, crossed the boarder into Turkey and Istanbul. Just as they were about to buy some Coos-coos made by a local vender out in the street, they heard, "Hey Mocking Al!"
They trudged out to an international airport where they caught a plane going to Cheesoria (via dimensional portal), they landed at San Freakville when they succumbed to our heroes persistence.
"How . . ." asked the Dark Queen, out of breath. "How did you follow us?"
"It's simple!" said Oxymoron. "We didn't."
"But . . ." stammered Squid, "but we heard you."
"That's because we attached a small remote controlled radio on Mocking Al." said Bike.
Mocking Al then reached into his fuzzy head and pulled out a radio.
"See." said Klaws.
The Flannel God pushed a remote control button and four familiar voices said, "Hey Al!"
"Yyyaaarrrggg!" screamed Squid, obviously outsmarted by normal insane humans, By letting out her anger, she made the Dark Queen implode. Then Squid exploded. (Stress is not good for one's health.)
Without delay, Mocking Al pulled a little creature out of his fuzzy head. (Kind of like a suitcase, isn't it?)
"Who's that?" asked Oxymoron.
"This is my protector, Bob the Walking Nad!"
"Bob the who?" asked Klaws.
"Bob the Walking Nad." Mocking Al repeated. "I'm having homosexual relationships with him." "Well say good-bye!" exclaimed the Flannel God as he pulled out a flame thrower and fried poor Bob.
Suddenly our heroes ran into a dilemma, no one could think of a new way to kill Mocking Al. [How cheap!]
"Oh no!" cried Bike.
"Ha ha!" laughed Mocking Al.
"Ah ha!" said Klaws, who proceeded to whisper her plan to the Flannel God.
The Flannel God pulled out his cellular phone, dialed a 20 digit number, said "Hi, yes, Uh-huh, Bye!"
Suddenly a flannel portal appeared and a giant bee came out.
"Hi Max!" said Klaws and the Flannel God.
"Now where's the guy that kills poor innocent bees?"
"Right here . . ." said Bike pointing to Mocking Al.
"Oh dear." were the last words that Mocking Al squeaked.
THE END